So I’ve heard this lately (It was consentual.) Holy crap it enfuriates me. How do 5 year olds consent with a man shoving a penis in their asses repeatedly. Or an unconcious woman consent. These guys use this to make it ok, or make themselves less responsible. I know I’m No better than these guys who tell me this. I tried the same crap for a minute. Yet i came to the reality that they (the victims) did not consent. By saying it was consentual, I placed the responsibility on the victims. I just can’t see why i needed to do this. It didn’t make me feel any better. I still knew i was predatory. I still knew Rape was a murdering of the soul.
Don’t get me wrong that same person Resides within me. But i know i have to constantly be aware of how i am thinking. When i get angry or anxious i become that person again. I don’t rage as often as i used to. I credit my pysch meds for that. But still i rage inside sometimes.
-Brent Brents 2-20-15
Category Archives: Brents' writings
Rape was a murdering of the soul
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i never realy meant for you to hurt so. But it helped me.
Note from Amy: For the first time, Brent Brents was recently able to read the book I wrote about covering his case, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which includes the correspondence between us leading up to his trial and immediately after, in which he told me about his crimes and his motivations for committing them. That correspondence, which was often painful for me to read, is what he’s referring to here:
Watching you suffer thru my hate and anguish realy tears at my heart. I think that had i realy understood just how deeply you were hurt by alot of that stuff, i would have held back and that would have led to B.S.
So i am glad you held alot of your feelings back. Because i realy never meant for you to hurt so. But it helped me.
I cried thru much of the book. Tears of anguish at the wasted and destroyed lives. And tears of joy at all the accomplishments…
I’ve finaly started a good life. It’s full of love, compasion and even empathy. I still don’t like many people. Mostly because most people I come in contact with are full of shit. Or have some screwed up motive for trying to befriend myself and others.
So yeah the book is a stark reminder of just how vulnerable i was and still am in ways. Plus a scary reminder of the hate and rage i am capable of having and storing up, and venting blindly.
-Brent Brents 1-20-16
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how the hell do i forgive
Note from Amy: For the first time, Brent Brents was able to read the book I wrote about covering his case, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which includes the correspondence between us leading up to his trial and immediately after. It’s what he’s referring to here.
Our letters well, i obviously was in a state of childhood mentaly most of that first year. I see that now. As i read i was sad for the child, but angry at the man and rightly so. He was evil and scary as hell. I look back at myself and think how the hell do i forgive that person. Much less anyone else forgiving me.
-Brent Brents 1-20-16
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the cost of testing those rape kits. No one holds 5K walks or car washes
Note from Amy:
This excerpt is from a letter sent by Brent Brents in August, shortly after news stories began focusing on the tens of thousands of untested rape kits that exist at police departments around the country.
OK get to the point Right. So lets take the most obvious killer in the world. Cancer. When someone gets cancer these days, they can often have a team of people assembled to help them.
The same could be said for the victim of sexual assault. But we come to the cost of testing those rape kits. No one holds 5K walks or car washes, or charity auctions to raise money for the testing of these kits past and present. Theres no Dave Thomas to leave a portion of his estate to victims of sexual assault.
So I’m asking people to step to the plate. First off go to your local city, county or state authorities and find out how many Rape test kits are stored untested. Find out the cost to test the kits. Hold 5K survivors walks, sexual assault survivors charity auctions, bake sales, car washes. Seek Donations….and whatever these Events generate in money give it to your city, county, and state authorities. Make it specificaly for the testing of those kits.
Sexual assault always carries a stigma of shame and there are neandrathal thinking people. This is 2015 the world is not stuck in endless cycle of ignorance. Rape is not a victims fault in any way. But the world is still only paying lip service.
Kill a Lion, a whale, fight Dogs and there are millions who fight their battle. Someone gets assaulted and there is only the judicial system, which, let’s be realistic is only going thru the motions. The police and prosecutors No matter how caring and sincere, are Limited by barbareck and outdated laws, Limited funds, and authorities who often are burned out.
Please People….please run with it.
-Brent Brents 8-18-15
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Will i go to heaven or hell?
Faith! Enterestingly enough having a faith has mellowed me a lot. I’m not a prison zealot. I take my faith seriously. Will i go to heaven or hell? How much good does one have to do to earn that trip to the gates of heaven. I’m Not sure that hell is where i’ll wind up. I have faith in our Lord. Prayer is my weapon of choice these days. I know, There will be lots of nay sayers. All I know is i can make peace with The person who wakes up in my bed each morning, Never forgetting that I’m in this cell for a reason. I do my making up for my past by prayer and doing this. I don’t know how much these posts help, assuming they do. But i Live for the cause so to speak. “Prevention.” How do we stop Making Sexual offenders. My faith is my way to keep me on this path.
-Brent Brents 5-1-15
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Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred
My dislike of the “white prison culture” is extreme. There’s a thing in prison called a come up. And every one is trying to come up, get on, or get some of the action. Gambling, drugs, sex homosexual or straight, food. You name it everyone wants a piece. And each race has a piece of the pie. I don’t realy talk to anyone. If i do it’s with the whites. If i have to enteract with other races I try to be curtious. But i also make it real clear i am Not going to tolerate any games. And yes For all of you, it’s because of my experiences not just with any other races, just as much as it has been with The so called “White people” I always say that no one has a corner on the market where ignorance is concerned. I will be the first to tell you I’m ignorant where race is concerned. It’s an an excuse thats just how it is. I’ve let racial slurs come from my mouth in the heat of battle. And in personal enteractions with my own kind. These last years I’ve gotten to a point where i just feel like it’s a battle that None of us can ever win. Too many sterotypes. Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred. I won’t carry it any more, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel those old hatreds now and then.
-Brent Brents 5-1-15
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my Racial and bigoted self
So Amy back to last Nights thoughts. Right my Racial and bigoted self. Rarely do i react with extreme prejudice. I often like i try to handle situations with men or women of different Races, In a decent way. But the truth is i am just like most people of any Race. We’ve certain misconceptions. Blacks like fried chicken, Asians like Rice and Raw fish, white people hate every one, etc. The truth is we are all situationaly Racial. No matter our Race. In prison Racial segregation Is a must for every ones survival. Every one has to choose Right from the start whether or not they are going to be victims or Victimizers in prison. Sheep or wolves. Young white boys hangin with the blacks or hispanics automaticly gets a Lable of some kind. It’s just the law If your not with your own, your weak or No good.
Me i have always chosen to be the wolf. But when i cam back to prison my case automaticly put me in the Sheeps pen. Am i a true hate monger, No. I think Hitler was a psycho with to many people just like him. Do i trust blacks, hispanics, or asian, or any other race? Hell No. This is prison. 99 % of the people you enteract with want something from you.
–Brent Brents 5-1-15
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judgement
Asshole took the yard hostage all day long. Kicking the windows and door and screaming. Having the cops going up and down the stairs all day. But he pussed out right before they were going to gas him. They moved him to the fuck up Pod. I just think the universe once again delivers its judgement.
-Brent Brents 5-1-15
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Prison is not an easy venue
So any way so much of my thinking and feelings have come 180° from 10 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I stil have my not so brilliant hours and days. Prison is Not an easy venue to go from total shit head to minor poopy dude in. God knows I’m trying Amy to be a better human being! It’s not easy.
My Racial bigoted side comes out now and then. Totaly my fault. It doesn’t matter what a person does or doesn’t do. Other people’s faults aren’t reasons for me to be ignorant.
-Brent Brents 4-30-15
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Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose
If i get an erection these days i feel shame. I hear the ridicule and voices of those who hated me for what i had done to them. It’s weird I honestly can’t get an erection because of my meds. You might think i am humiliated or feel imasculated because of this. Truth be told I couldn’t be happier about my inability to get or sustain an erection.
Why well it seems pretty straight forward to me. I have fantacies, i get erect, I hunt, my rage builds, I Rape and assault. That was me 10 years ago. Now i have fantacies or thoughts, of Raping, or being violent, my penis feels some like a warm twitch and thats it. No super desire to masterbate to the fantacy or thought. I simply can’t feel physicaly. And it helps me to control my thinking and physical desire to release that hate and rage of the violent fantacies and thoughts and it is the same for the normal fantacies and normal thoughts of sexual relationships. So I am Impotent thanks to psych meds. Whoopi. Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be unable to fallow thru with the fantacy or thought. Who knew Impotence could be such a welcome thing.
-Brent Brents 4-3-15
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Diary of a Predator 