I’m hoping i’ll move to the pod next door this week. If not i’ve come to a place of peace w/ myself. I dont like it in here, but i’ll do absolutely every thing and any thing the right way to stay out of trouble. There is no way i’ll fuck off going to pc, [protective custody] and getting myself put back in the hole for assault will absolutely not be an option this time.
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence… And my shot at Pc. Just call me a bitch, or pussy, i dont care…
So joke em if they cant take a screw. I’m mister non violent, mr clean. And dont care who likes it or not…
Man i wish i could have a dog in here. But i wouldn’t want a dog to suffer prison life. To me dogs are creatures who should have the utmost freedom and space to run and play and explore in. I wouldn’t want to be a prison dog. Its bad enough we pretty much get treated like them.
-Brent Brents 5-27-18
Tag Archives: assault
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence
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i’d like to say no i’m not a predator
Am i or am i not? To tell all of U the truth, lying would be easy. Oh “NO” i’m no longer a predator. Thats what i would like to tell U, and myself. Truth is though despite very good meds, years of self introspect, honesty and my faith. I’m still very volitile.
Not that i want to be. Predatory not so much. However that doesn’t mean i’m not. My mind is still screwed up, when i get mad or upset i still have violent sexual thoughts, and violent desires. When threatened i automaticaly want to strike out and hurt the other person.
Not because i enjoy it like i use to. I get scared and its fight or flight. I often feel like i cant run, so i want to fight. But what is still predator in me is how i want to fight. I want to destroy the other person. And yes i still get pissed off at women. Not often, but most of the time when i do. I think about hurting some of them sexually. Sorry but thats how my screwed up brain works.
I wish more than any of U know that i didn’t think or feel this way. It goes against every bit of my being. My brain works weird like that. I think ” bitch i’d show U. ” Its sad really, pathetic little man shit, and i’m ashamed i think that way. I don’t believe i’d act on it. But i never thought i’d assault a c/o either.
So truth is people i’m still a predator after all these years. I believe i’m gaining better control of my rage and feelings. Only time will tell. And believe me, i hate that part of me more than any of U ever could. Like i said, i’d like to say no i’m not a predator. But that would be an out and out lie.
The one very important thing i take great respect in is honesty. I’m honest w/ myself and all of U. I have to be or this blog would be bullshit. Any way thats what i have to say about that. Thank U all for supporting the blog and each other.
-Brent Brents 5-5-18
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Have You Ever Met a Monster? Part II
Note from Amy: Here is the next excerpt of the transcript of my TEDx talk:
Police caught him a few days after Valentine’s Day. At the start of that weekend a detective had gotten him on the phone and said Turn yourself in, you little punk. Brent Brents essentially replied, Come find me. That weekend he raped five victims, including two children, and nearly beat a young woman to death. The DNA from those cases was processed within hours and the manhunt that followed ended in a dramatic car chase into the mountains, where police captured him at gunpoint.
This kind of story causes a media feeding frenzy. Reporters swarmed the jail, but I didn’t —I didn’t think it would do any good.
Instead, I sent him a letter on plain stationary—handwritten, two sentences: Dear Brent, I went to Arkansas where I talked to your mom and sister. If you were to ask them, they would say I treated them with dignity and respect, and I will do the same for you.
I then gave him the number to the newsroom and told him to call collect anytime. And because I figured he’d be getting a lot of hate mail, I added a note to the back that said: Please don’t be afraid to open this.
At the end of that week police released a statement about another confirmed victim of Brents. Since they protect the identity of a victim of sexual assault they will only release the cross streets close to where it happened.
Get thee to those cross streets, you and a photographer, editors said. Find this anonymous victim, and get her to talk to you.
So off we went to those cross streets and we found…a sea of rental units, like giant Legos, for rows and rows in either direction.
We knocked on doors for hours—no luck. It was close to dark when we saw a woman walking her dog—dog walkers are always great for information—and she said the handyman had told her about a woman who’d been attacked and she gave us the handyman’s door number and he gave us the victim’s door number and I knocked and a man answered and I saw this tiny, dark-haired woman hiding behind the door and I identified myself and she came out and said, “You scared me.”
Her name was Margaret. And she told me her story. Her attack was nearly three weeks earlier and she still had yellow outlines of bruises on her neck. She was coming home after running errands when Brents had rushed her at her front door. She had seen him before-she figured he had stalked her for about three days. She fought him, and he beat and choked her before he raped her.
Margaret pointed to her couch, which had a big chunk cut out of the upholstery. The police had taken it for evidence because that was where the rape had happened. When you can’t afford a new couch, and you can’t afford to break your rental lease and move—and Margaret couldn’t—then you have to live with reminders of your worst nightmare.
She said the police had told her it would take about two months to process the DNA. They gave her no hope of solving her case. Then she saw a story about Brents being wanted on T.V. and recognized his mug shot as her attacker.
One of the last things she said to me that night really struck me. She said, “I hate him, yet I still feel sorry for him. An animal, poor creature.”
A week later Brents called me.
One of the first things he said to me was, “I’m not going to give you anything.”
I love it when people call me and say I’m not going to talk to you. “OK!”
Then he said he had one question for me, and anything further depended on my answer.
And he said, “Everybody says they hate me, that I’m a monster. Do you think so?”
And without thinking I said, No, I don’t. You’ve done monstrous things, but I don’t consider you a monster.
And that’s how we started a correspondence. I did so on one condition: that he tell me the truth. In one letter he wrote, “Don’t trip I’ve actually stood two feet away from you in an elevator” and rolling my eyes I pulled out a piece of paper to fire back that we had a deal, so don’t try to b.s. me—when I realized it had indeed been him on the elevator that day, the man who had stared at me and whose very presence had caused me to run to the newsroom like a frightened rabbit.
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Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose
If i get an erection these days i feel shame. I hear the ridicule and voices of those who hated me for what i had done to them. It’s weird I honestly can’t get an erection because of my meds. You might think i am humiliated or feel imasculated because of this. Truth be told I couldn’t be happier about my inability to get or sustain an erection.
Why well it seems pretty straight forward to me. I have fantacies, i get erect, I hunt, my rage builds, I Rape and assault. That was me 10 years ago. Now i have fantacies or thoughts, of Raping, or being violent, my penis feels some like a warm twitch and thats it. No super desire to masterbate to the fantacy or thought. I simply can’t feel physicaly. And it helps me to control my thinking and physical desire to release that hate and rage of the violent fantacies and thoughts and it is the same for the normal fantacies and normal thoughts of sexual relationships. So I am Impotent thanks to psych meds. Whoopi. Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be unable to fallow thru with the fantacy or thought. Who knew Impotence could be such a welcome thing.
-Brent Brents 4-3-15
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Reader reaction from a rape prevention educator
My name is Marc Rich and I am a professor at California State University, Long Beach. I am also a rape prevention educator. While visiting the Boulder Book Store I picked up a copy of Diary of a Predator: A Memoir. I just wanted to sincerely thank you for writing this poignant, powerful book (hard to read, hard to put down) and for your ongoing work to fight predatory behavior with civilians and in the military. Your book remains one of the most challenging pieces I’ve ever read–and one of the most important. I actually use a quote from Diary during our rape prevention program to help students understand the distinction between power arousal (predatory) and sexual arousal:
“Sex has little to do with it. It’s the control, the domination, the fear, the hurt, the power” (Brent Brents, cited in Diary of a Predator. Brents was sentenced to over 1,000 years for rape and torture).
So, despite his criminal record, Brent’s honesty and your willingness to speak with him is helping us prevent sexual assault.
Marc D. Rich, Ph.D.
Professor; Executive Director, interACT
“Unbreakable” Describes These Survivors of Sexual Assault
From Amy: There is a powerful website called “Project Unbreakable–The Art of Healing.” Created in 2011 by then 19-year-old photography student Grace Brown, the project features photographs of sexual assault survivors who are holding a poster with a quote from their attacker.
Many of the survivors were sexually abused as children, and the quotes are both manipulative and heartbreaking. The project as a whole is empowering and noble in its intent to help these survivors regain their voice and their power.
As an aside, this website was suggested to me in a letter from Brent Brents. So per his request, here’s the link to “Project Unbreakable.”
What’s More Important: Rape of Tens of Thousands of Soldiers or Somebody’s Affair?
I wish everyone would calm down about the CIA adulterous scandal and become enraged over a much more important issue: sexual assault, including sexual assault in the U.S. military.
-This is what I’ve been thinking for several days now, and then someone did an excellent job of putting that into words by writing about the stunning documentary, “The Invisible War,” a film about the crisis of sexual assaults within the U.S. military, giving it proper context over the latest salacious story about Paula Broadwell.
I’m on the email list for director Kirby Dick and producer Amy Ziering, the creators of that outstanding Sundance award-winning documentary, “The Invisible War,”, and they sent me the below link to the piece that ran Monday in the Huffington Post. I’m interviewed in the film because of my work covering the issue, primarily the series I coauthored at the Denver Post called “Betrayal in the Ranks.”
So please, take the time to read the story, and then forward the link to a friend. Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta needs to turn his attention to “The Invisible War” and the issues it exposes, not media hype about emails and affairs.
From The Huffington Post: “The real scandal is that this type of behavior — stumbled upon via highly questionable investigative practices — is what garners nonstop media coverage and glaring headlines while a real military sexual scandal, our U.S. military’s horrific rape epidemic, affecting tens of thousands of our service members (annually!!), goes unreported and ignored.” Read more.
Reader: i just watched your ted talk Have you ever met a Monster. I am a survivor of sexual assault
Comment: I do not know if you would read this but i just watched your ted talk Have you ever meet a Monster. I am a survivor of sexual assault (a word I have just been able to say).I became a survivor of course while dorming at college 5 years ago and then person who assaulted me was not a bad person at all. If anything i always blamed myself and felt bad for him even though i shouldn’t.
This has and still causes me many problems due to a sense of guilt and pity. I wanted to message you because that ted talk was so important. It was important to me to hear and important to everyone to hear. Thank you so much for sharing not only Margot story but also Brent.
October 23, 2018
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Tagged as assault, assaulted, Brent, guilt, have you ever met a monster, pity, sexual assault, survivor, survivor of sexual assault, TED, TED talk