I’m hoping i’ll move to the pod next door this week. If not i’ve come to a place of peace w/ myself. I dont like it in here, but i’ll do absolutely every thing and any thing the right way to stay out of trouble. There is no way i’ll fuck off going to pc, [protective custody] and getting myself put back in the hole for assault will absolutely not be an option this time.
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence… And my shot at Pc. Just call me a bitch, or pussy, i dont care…
So joke em if they cant take a screw. I’m mister non violent, mr clean. And dont care who likes it or not…
Man i wish i could have a dog in here. But i wouldn’t want a dog to suffer prison life. To me dogs are creatures who should have the utmost freedom and space to run and play and explore in. I wouldn’t want to be a prison dog. Its bad enough we pretty much get treated like them.
-Brent Brents 5-27-18
Tag Archives: prison
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence
no verifiable threat to his safety at this time
From Amy: Brent Brents applied for protective custody at his new prison and was turned down. Here’s an excerpt from the “Notice of Protective Custody Decision”:
“The Committee determined Brent Brents should not be placed in protective custody due to there being no verifiable threat to his safety at this time…”
Generally, inmates in prison for being serial rapists don’t fare well in general population. We’ll see how this goes.
Filed under Prison
i hated his ugly little hood rat glasses so i smashed them too
So yes, i fucked up big time. Did i plan for it? No! Was i fully aware? To a point. Yet i just did not have control of my mind. When the young man hit me i was nonplussed. Confused. Like what the hell did he hit me for. Clearly i had put my hand down and was on the retreat. But my mind went way back in time to when Ron hit me in the face and hurt me really bad. This kid was weak Amy barely any force behind the punch. But i saw Rons huge fist slam into the left side of my cheek, and this blinding rage hit me so hard so deep that i was going to kill this kid. And I comenced to do just that. I don’t really remember what i did but it was bad. My knuckles are still scabbed over and painfully swollen. Almost 30 days later. I was officially arrested and released into DOC custody. The DA has not said explicitly what for. It really doesn’t matter. I will plea to whatever they bring.
I’m very sorry i disapointed you. I can’t explain the rage. I know it was partly PTSD related…Man what a fuckin idiot i am. I just can’t figure it out why can’t i stop it when i see it coming. I makes no sence. My brain was screaming at me to just Just listen to him. But my hate and bitterness over road all senses. I scared the poor kid and he punched me. I deserved it i know that i did. I bated him into it. What really surprised me is that i didn’t end up pretty broken up under that pile of 10 cops. My right face and forehead were road rashed and my back was a bit sore from the knees. But oh i hated his ugly little hood rat glasses so i smashed them too.
I don’t know where my head is at Amy. Mostly disapointed and pissed off at myself. I Don’t Know what going to happen. But when i do I’ll let you know. L ya Rockstar.
-Brent Brents 1-9-17
Note from Amy: This letter followed a phone call where I was told that Brents had beaten a prison guard, who thankfully was not killed but was indeed injured.
Prison is no longer about punishment. It is a business, world wide.
These days its children who are coming through the gates. Fresh faced. some already hardened little criminals. Gang members, murderers, rapists, and drug dealers, and users. Prison is no longer about punishment. It is a business, world wide. I keep hearing this statement from Inmates. The judge sent me here that was my punishment. Not all these stupid rules we have to follow, and do what these stooped cops tell me to do.
I won’t lie people, there are purely idiotic people on each side of the divide. Stooped barely covers the extent of their choices. There is a lot of tit for tat negativity between inmates and staff. There is hatred that permeates the air in prison. I actually sit and watch all of these things happen each day. Its senility on this grand scale. My days are pretty interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I too have my share of issues. I have serious problems with authority. I am very impatient with ignorance, and ignorant people. Especially if they know what they are doing is just plain fucked up.
Prison is what you make of it. You can make it hell for yourself, or find a way to navigate your way thru the bullshit. Seeing a fight, a sexual encounter, a drug transaction, inmates so high they nod out in chow halls and day rooms. Even here in the yard. All I can say is what a world it is in prison.
-Brent Brents 9-4-16
it takes animals to control animals
So I like to sit in the yard and think about things on a meaningful level. Years ago I would sit in prison and all I thought of were drugs, drinking, fucking prostitutes, rape,violence. You name it i bet it crossed my mind back then.I do get scared sometimes these days because someone gets smart. And like you said, i do have a smart mouth. And years ago I was pretty capable of backing it up. Now not so much. Plus another fight for me is a death sentence. I just don’t think I could do the rest of my life behind a cell door without serious mental health issues. And I am pretty sure I would choose suicide over living in a cell for what’s left of my life.
I have often likened being in prison, to an animal living in a cage. Or a zoo if you will. People come and walk by your enclosure. They don’t care for you, they have little to no compassion for you. They just want to see the animal up close, and safely away from it. Prison isn’t really “Fun”. Its not meant to be. It does what it was intended to do. (Confine you ) Punish, well you could make a case that it does have the ear marks of punishment. Truth be told, it takes animals to control animals. This isn’t meant insultingly. Think about it, what type of individual wants to work to retirement as a prison guard. There has to be some kind of disconnect in the brain. One that allows you to come to work each day and do what normal people would not. Looking at genitals one or more times a day, during strip searches. Searching cells daily. Sitting countless hours on your ass getting fat. Having to break up violent confrontations involving knives (Shanks ) in prison lingo. Fist fights. Witnessing death ( usually violent ) more often than a person should. You often see these TV programs like Lockup or Jail. What is often shown is an inth of the true realities of prison life.
-Brent Brents 9-4-16
You should have a healthy reserve for the guy fresh out of prison
So the prison I’m in is 75% sexual offenders. And people let me be flat out honest. You should have a healthy reserve for the guy fresh out of prison. Most really don’t give a fuck about you, or any one else. Child sex offenders will find there ways to vulnerable children. Rapists will rape. Drug addicts will do unspeakable acts if they think it will get them their dope. Gang members will walk out the doors and go right back to the gangs. Shooting each other, and innocent people. Its frickin scary to just sit there and listen to the conversations, and watch the behavior.
I think about just how much alike I was to these people. Oh don’t get me wrong, if I were to stop doing what I do each day. I would still be the same as they are. In fact the only thing that separates me from their behavior, is my faith. My belief in our lord Jesus Christ. And the twelve steps of NA. And my knowing I can never ever stop living the life style I live now.
Its truly amazing how much clarity one can achieve when they put forth the effort to become a better human being. Exercising integrity without reservation in every thing you do. Be humble no matter what. Be truthful in all your affairs. Be honest and critical of yourself. Most of all love genuinely.
So I realize I will always be sexualy deviant in my thinking. Maybe not to the extant I was. But I still sometimes have rape fantasies. Yet I really don’t think about sex to often. When I get pissed off, I sometimes have the fantacies or thoughts about raping or hurting the person I am mad at.
So I’ve come a long way from the person I was twelve years ago. I really believe in the thought that true acceptance of self, only comes with a very thurough and honest willingness to look at ones self and not hold any thing back.
-Brent Brents 8-25-16
Filed under Brents' writings
Have You Ever Met a Monster, Part III: What are we doing wrong as a culture that we continue to produce rapists?
It turned out that Brents had followed my work. A few months before he was released from prison I had finished co-authoring an investigation into how the military mishandles domestic violence and sexual assault. It resonated with him, not because he was a perpetrator, but because the angry man-child within him, considered himself a victim.
Records and accounts from family members indicate that Brents’ father was a violent, sadistic man. The two children from his second marriage were removed from the home because of his abuse, and Brents and his brother, the product of his father’s third marriage, were also removed from the home, although for unknown reasons, Brent was returned.
This is Brent’s first grade picture. His father had been raping him for three years by then. A few weeks after this next picture was taken,
when Brent was 12, his father beat him so badly that Brent suffered what medical records described as a left orbital blowout fracture—his left eye socket was broken. He’s had seizures ever since. I will spare you the details of the sexual torture he endured. He said his father told him that he himself had been beaten and sexually abused as a child by his father, Brent’s grandfather.
And so the pattern repeated. Pain, degradation, shame. Brent Brents did to others what had been done to him as a boy, and while he was still a boy, like many victims, he blamed himself. He once wrote, “I can’t remember much about when I was real young except fear and shame and lack of courage.”
Shame is an enormous trigger of violence. Brents told me that after that detective said to him, Turn yourself in you little punk, he, Brents, worked himself into a rage. Then he went on his final horrifying crime spree.
I’m not saying these factors are an excuse for the violence Brents inflicted upon others. He made choices. He absolutely deserves to spend the rest of his life in prison. But knowing what happened to him helps explain why someone like Brents committed such violence with a lack of empathy–that his brain was predisposed toward it, and the abuse inflicted on him was his model.
It’s human nature to want to distance yourself from someone like him. Label him as a “monster,” dismiss him as evil, because we don’t want to have anything in common with such a monster–it could mean we, too, are capable of monstrous things.
It also makes it too easy. When we put rapists in the category of “monster” it may make us feel safer today but it’s more dangerous for tomorrow. Because then we won’t believe that the “monster” can be a neighbor, a good friend, a coworker. That enables them to hide in plain sight.
The dominant theme of how to prevent sexual assault today is cloaked in helpful advice, like don’t walk alone, don’t drink, don’t put yourself at risk—and the message, primarily to women, is, Don’t. Get. Raped.
How about we turn the spotlight to a different population and say, Don’t. Rape. And then take it one step further and ask, what are we doing wrong as a culture that we continue to produce rapists? Because whether it’s the ex-convict who attacks a stranger, the college boy who rapes his girlfriend or the celebrity who drugs and assaults his victims—they’re all choosing to exert their anger, power and control over someone else. With that choice, they are all the same, and they all leave pain in their wake.
I’ve interviewed more than fifty survivors of campus sexual assault in the past two years alone and the details I learn about their perpetrators paint a picture of SO MANY young men being deliberately predatory. They isolate their intended victim, ply them with alcohol or drugs, lock doors, ignore tears, ignore pleas to stop or ignore the fact their victim is limp with fear or is unconscious.
Ten years ago, Brent Brents was sentenced to 1,509 years. Today all over this country we are seeing new generations of serial rapists. Why is this still happening?
Why do we continue to reinforce the message to boys and young men that their worth is linked to their ability to dominate?
What if we prized compassion more than power?
When they’re little, we tell our children to play nicely in the sandbox.
As they get older, we say, don’t get in fights on the playground. Take a breath, count to ten, walk away.
Then they get even older and we teach them about the biological aspects of sex—health and reproduction.
What if we evolved those conversations with our youth, and teach them how feeling shame, feeling powerless or feeling angry–all of which cover up hurt and rejection—COULD cause them to want to dominate someone else?
And that they can learn to recognize triggers and not act upon them.
At least start that conversation.
And then speak up if you witness predatory behavior—and you’ll know it when you see it. Don’t make excuses. Don’t look away. Don’t cover it up.
And because sexual violence happens on a continuum—escalating from verbal harassment to physical attacks–Speak up when you hear or read a joke about sexual assault, or victimization. It’s not funny, it’s not sexy. It’s dangerous.
If someone confides in you they’ve been assaulted, believe them–false reporting is extremely rare, so yes, believe them. Listen to them without judgment. Help them find resources, and then support whatever they decide to do.
For perpetrators– Brents told me that group counseling for sexual offenders in prison does not work. For an inmate to even be seen going to sex offender group risks their safety, and once there, they don’t want to be seen as vulnerable. It’s hard to change when you’re living in fear. And if we really do want to help them try to change, let’s offer more of the respect and compassion that can be felt with one-on-one, focused attention—something a damaged person desperately needs.
Instead of building more prisons and focusing only on punishing the perpetrators, why don’t we try to prevent them?
Filed under The story
Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred
My dislike of the “white prison culture” is extreme. There’s a thing in prison called a come up. And every one is trying to come up, get on, or get some of the action. Gambling, drugs, sex homosexual or straight, food. You name it everyone wants a piece. And each race has a piece of the pie. I don’t realy talk to anyone. If i do it’s with the whites. If i have to enteract with other races I try to be curtious. But i also make it real clear i am Not going to tolerate any games. And yes For all of you, it’s because of my experiences not just with any other races, just as much as it has been with The so called “White people” I always say that no one has a corner on the market where ignorance is concerned. I will be the first to tell you I’m ignorant where race is concerned. It’s an an excuse thats just how it is. I’ve let racial slurs come from my mouth in the heat of battle. And in personal enteractions with my own kind. These last years I’ve gotten to a point where i just feel like it’s a battle that None of us can ever win. Too many sterotypes. Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred. I won’t carry it any more, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel those old hatreds now and then.
-Brent Brents 5-1-15
my Racial and bigoted self
So Amy back to last Nights thoughts. Right my Racial and bigoted self. Rarely do i react with extreme prejudice. I often like i try to handle situations with men or women of different Races, In a decent way. But the truth is i am just like most people of any Race. We’ve certain misconceptions. Blacks like fried chicken, Asians like Rice and Raw fish, white people hate every one, etc. The truth is we are all situationaly Racial. No matter our Race. In prison Racial segregation Is a must for every ones survival. Every one has to choose Right from the start whether or not they are going to be victims or Victimizers in prison. Sheep or wolves. Young white boys hangin with the blacks or hispanics automaticly gets a Lable of some kind. It’s just the law If your not with your own, your weak or No good.
Me i have always chosen to be the wolf. But when i cam back to prison my case automaticly put me in the Sheeps pen. Am i a true hate monger, No. I think Hitler was a psycho with to many people just like him. Do i trust blacks, hispanics, or asian, or any other race? Hell No. This is prison. 99 % of the people you enteract with want something from you.
–Brent Brents 5-1-15
More from the deputy who knew Brents in jail: “the malice and instability that resided within him was so think it was nearly tangible”
Filed under reader comments
Tagged as Brents, cop, human behavior, jail, monster, prison, the monster inside, trauma, victim, victimize