Category Archives: Prison

The reason i am gone is because i was hated, A life full of dope, no hope, segregated

Ok so i have a friend named Corey. Hes a real decent man. Walking the christian path. But he keeps it real. So he is a poet, no bs. And a damn good one.

So having read many of his poems, and those of other inmates. I’d like to put some on the blog. He has 2 in particular i’d like U to post Amy. They are really thought prevoking and crazy honest.

-Brent Brents

Concrete Revival.

The reason i died was because i was broken

An old vending machine that just ate my token

Could’nt sleep without pills, wake up hating life

I’d be mad at the world, my family, my wife

I took her to church but not for a wedding

We were at my funeral, the day i was dreading

The reason i am gone is because i was hated

A life full of dope, no hope, segregated

But then i woke up in a box made of concrete

Walking in circles in hell like a zombie

At first i was blind but i started to see

It was heaven not hell that filled the cell around me

How could i be happy, locked up cause of theft?

The right path was in front of me but i chose the left

I can finaly say i’m at peace and i’m sober

A catch 22, cause i wish it was over

The reason i took was so that i could give

And the reason i died was so that i could finally live.

Written by: Corey F. 2017

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no verifiable threat to his safety at this time

From Amy: Brent Brents applied for protective custody at his new prison and was turned down. Here’s an excerpt from the “Notice of Protective Custody Decision”:

“The Committee determined Brent Brents should not be placed in protective custody due to there being no verifiable threat to his safety at this time…”

Generally, inmates in prison for being serial rapists don’t fare well in general population. We’ll see how this goes.

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I don’t wanna fuck up

I haven’t had my manic depression meds since they moved me, December 18. I’m up and down every day, to the point of having rage in my brain.

I’ve been begging these people to put me on Abilify like they promised me. I’ve put in 5 kites [written requests]. And I’m still waiting to see the psychiatrist.

I want to mellow out. The shit is getting to my brain. I understand what’s going on, and I can only remove myself physically from so many situations.

I can’t read. Can’t focus. I need to get on that medication. I’m depressed. Then I get manic and start feeling bad things and I come back to my cell.

I don’t wanna fuck up.

-Brent Brents, January 17, 2018

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A little victory

We get these little one ounce Packets of peanut butter and the same for Jelly. So i get the peanut butter nice and creamy by soaking the Packet in Hot water. Then i tear a corner off and i swirl it from the middle out on one piece of my bread. Yes is is sort of an obsessive/compulsive thing. But it also is one of these little ways to escape the corporal punishment of the prison life. A little victory.

9-15-11 9 30/p.m.

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a woman struggling to find her center

Every human being searches for self enlightenment. If we didn’t religion wouldn’t exist.

Just think Amy where you once tried to tell their stories and got only edited versions out to the world with little or no help to them. Now you tell their stories in the truest way by giving them a venue to do so. You’ve told your story. You might think at times whats so enteresting about my story. I’m just another Pedestrian at a crosswalk a face in the crowd. The only thing people will see is i have a serial rapist for a friend. And they’ll hate me for it.

So heres what i believe the common sense down to earth people will see My friend. They’ll see the story of a woman struggling to find her center, The good in life. She’s seeking safety in love. The good in people instead of her cynical mistrust. They’ll see some part of themselves in you. Like it or hate it really doesn’t matter. The ones who respond vehemently Amy have their own unresolved issues.

Look we both know there’s a part of you who like them will Never forget. And know as surely as they do what i did. Things Not even the greater public knows. There was a part of you who hated me, was truly sickened by me. Who struggled then and even now to reconcile how i fit into that place you gave me in your life. If they think this was easy they are fools. And Those who spew the venomous hate at you because of me or their own tormentor are losing out on the truth.

Brent Brents 9-11-11 7:30 /p.m.

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crayons and coloring books

My two library books i got on Mondays order, one was ok but way to short a pocket mystery/spy novel. The other a Murder Mystery is missing 65 pages right in the middle of the book. 😦 Assholes!!!
I swear They should give these little illiterate shits crayons and coloring books. This library has Yates, O’Henry, Shakespeare, Milton and a bunch of other really Good Poets, Playwrites and Authors. But they are all trashed. Because Anything that isn’t Fucking, Killing, or druging Sucks! Weak minded Motherfuckers. Shakespear! Awesome Murder, Sexual Plots. I can’t remember the poet who ended up broke and literaly drug addicted in Boston in the 1880s. But we Love his work. Poe. If ever there was an addicted Poet!

These guys don’t realize that opium and cocain have been here for a long long time. And many of the greats wrote in drug addicted fogs, or about the addicted life. They Trash anything Jewish. Especially the Skin heads. They don’t even realize their hero was part Jewish himself and stole a great deal of his manifesto from the CZARist Russians of the late 1800s and early 1900s. That their idols the SS an German Soldiers were rapists of Jewish girls and boys. How can you idolize people who starve children or burn people in ovens. Just about every book in this library is trashed in some way and more than anything it’s a sad statement of what hate and ignorance breed in the human race.

Brent Brents 9-7-11

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A letter to his mother

First of all i forgive you. I have to. My hatred and bitterness toward you and him all these years has been more than i can deal with. And i simply have to let go.

He enslaved us both physicaly, sexualy, and emotionaly. We took solace in each other. Our Incentious relationship was one of the ways we did so. Don’t get me wrong it was rape. Yet there did come a point and time when i could have said no, or Not initiated it.

In the beginning i was just a small boy curious about his erection. The sexual act didn’t mean as much as laying my head on your bare breast and feeling your heartbeat. I loved you so much in those moments. I wished you could just hold me forever.

All the times a small child stepped in between you and him. Took the blows meant for you. I came to regret that you know. Not that i wanted him to kill you. No i regretted it in these last 10 or so years. My hate built into a rage. It all felt so unfair and i wanted everyone to pay for what you and he did to me.

Excuses. That is the saddest part, i used what you two did to me as excuses. To Rape, Maim and hurt. To torture people the same way you did me. You know i could never get used to comparing your sex with a lovers. That is totaly wrong yet suddenly there you were. And i would Abuse my lovers because of my hate for you. Wrong so wrong.

You know all i ever wanted from you was for you to say you were sorry. But you Never did. Now you don’t owe me anything.

The website is not about “you or me or him.” Yes our story is there from my view. My thoughts and feelings about us are there. But it is all there to help…I care that people have a safe place to express, to deal with, to read and seek avenues of help.

Amy asked me once in the beginning why i feared “Ridicule” so much. I couldn’t answer. I think it took me about a year to tell myself the truth and then tell her. I think i said something like i hated myself enough why should i let everyone else pile it on. But the truth was i didn’t love myself, i didn’t respect myself. And the more ridicule i heard, the worse i felt about myself and i was ashamed of who and what i was. And i had absolutely No idea how to change it.

I know your concerns about your image. Thats on you. I just hope that one day you’ll face yourself and just let it all come out. Your childhood, Mine. How he treated you. All of it. I promise you’ll be able to truly breath your first truly healthy breath. (I know God right!) Well all i can say is, God knows!

Look you did it, i did it. I’m sorry for my part in it. I know i wasn’t an easy Kid. I forgive you. You are blood. I don’t love you, I don’t hate you. We haven’t been family in a lot of years. We don’t know each other. You can tell people I’m crazy, evil or whatever you choose to.

I know what it is to be loved and to love now. To Love and be loved without conditions, without fear and it feels better than anything i have ever known.

And with that i wish you peace and happiness.

Brent Brents 9-5-11

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it keeps me sleepy at night

So The Psych Dr put me on my 3rd and (we hope) final psych med. So far its working well it keeps me sleepy at night and even if i get woke up i am to tired to care and go right back to sleep. Plus it keeps the clomipramine and Depakote from Counter acting each other.

Brent Brents 9-5-11

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i have to say goodbye

I’ve been in my head all week trying to figure out the enclosed letter…(to my mother). Please post it…i just know i have to say goodbye and i forgive you. And move on or she will be my personal demon forever. And if i let that happen i won’t make it.

Brent Brents 9-5-11

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its important to know what happened

What i am really hoping to encourage is to get those who didn’t choose my path to explore the whys of their own changes and past them. I think its important to know what happened for them that kept them from the path i chose. I think the direct contrast is important. I know it will set me up for Ridicule and serve to make me even more Monstrous to some. Yet it just seems that something breaks in a mind like mine and i want to help figure that out if i can. Regardless of how people see me.

Brent Brents 8-27-11 11 30/ p.m.

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