Abilify rocks Amy. This feels like its done more in 7 full days than Depacote did in 6 years. I had one restless night. But that was a Coffee OD. And my brain is so so mellow. Not Depakote Dead!
I had a brief Depression this A.M. But the good old Abilify kicked ass pretty fast. So yes I am truly grateful for the stuff. Good good stuff.
-Brent Brents 2-13-18
Tag Archives: depression
I haven’t had my manic depression meds since they moved me, December 18. I’m up and down every day, to the point of having rage in my brain.
I’ve been begging these people to put me on Abilify like they promised me. I’ve put in 5 kites [written requests]. And I’m still waiting to see the psychiatrist.
I want to mellow out. The shit is getting to my brain. I understand what’s going on, and I can only remove myself physically from so many situations.
I can’t read. Can’t focus. I need to get on that medication. I’m depressed. Then I get manic and start feeling bad things and I come back to my cell.
I don’t wanna fuck up.
-Brent Brents, January 17, 2018
Dear Amy, thank you for your profound and powerful contribution. I watched your you tube video and read the blog and was profoundly moved by the courage of both yourself and Brent. Having experienced rape, it has brought me to a place of forgiveness both for the rapists, those who I’ve blamed as enablers of rape and finally myself. I have no idea where this comes from, and it may sound perverse to some, but I believe the world is a better place because Brent is in it, to shake up the status quo, to speak out about abuse, to grab the faces of people who choose to look away from the abuse and exploitation of children.
However hard a lesson he has brought to the world, a powerful lesson it is. And it is because of this that I right in concern for his welfare. Having read the last couple of entries that he’s sent to you, the tone feels different and I may be way off the mark but it may be idea to check if he has intentions of suicide. He may not have the means, so is probably safe but to ask the question all the same.. From someone who has had experiences of feeling hopelessness, and sensing it in others drives me to take action to prevent someone ending their life. There’s always possibility for a person in life (of goodness, inspiration, love etc), that possibility ends abruptly in death and the pain doesn’t end. It is merely transferred to others. Apologies if this is a waste of your time; however, I don’t apologise if I’m wrong and have misunderstood his writing – I’d rather check that live with regret. With best wishes to you and to Brent.
–Emily, Southwest England.
September 12, 2017
I did not think you would mind–I sent the content of your message (with your first name only) to Brent Brents, and he replied.
If you want to read his response–he was grateful-it’s copy and pasted below.
I would like to post your letter and his response on the website if that’s OK with you, using your first name only and that you are from Southwest, England.
Let me know if that’s OK.
September 13, 2017
Hello, Amy, Absolutely, I trust your judgement…
January 11, 2017
Yes in answer to your Q. I have often thought of suicide lately. Not that i would do it. Amy and others have put a life times worth of work into showing me that love and compasion are real and worth living for. And living to give. And yes suicide creates more pain than it eases. I could never bring myself to hurt those who do love and care for me in such a selfish way.
I do not get to read but little of the blog, so i am not sure how much Amy has put on there about my Manic Depression. The drugs work pretty well. It is when i am stressed that they lose some and i either freak out or get depressed. Sometimes it is quite a roller coaster of emotion. I know in my manic state Amy and my friends would often like to strangle me. 🙂 I can be a real ass, and not know it.
Right now i am dealing with where they are going to place me after get out of this six month confinement. If they put me in general population i will be hurt or even killed. So i am trying to go to protective custody. But there is a process, and no garuntee that that is where i will be placed. So i am continually stressed these days.
Fearing for my safety isn’t new to me. But the thought of not being around to love and care for, and have A, and F. as the most vital part of my exsistance chills me deeply. Its a fear i am not used to.
So Emily, no your Q is not off the mark or a waste of time. Thank you for concern. Sincerely, Brent.
September 27, 2017
Note from Amy: In this excerpt from a recent letter, Brents is referring to my having a concussion after being thrown from a horse to explain how he feels during the seizures he’s had regularly since he was a kid, the result of being beaten by his father:
So now you know What my seizures feel like. As Well as part of my depression. That “lost” feeling realy sucks and its often alarming. The Metal taste is Not a very pleasant taste either. When i have the depresions, it’s this lost feeling, and the physical feeling of the concusion that is realy brutal. It’s difficult to understand how the physical and emotional fit, but they do.
The lack of spirit or will. The Need to sleep as much as possible. Feeling lost bewildered. Add it all up and you get Depression. Oh yeah loss of apitite (Good weight loss helper) Bad physicaly.
I really am Sorry.
-Brent Brents 8-28-14
i feel like a dog with Nothing but Love and pent up energy. It is hard at times Not to go insane in here. The Daily regamin is the same Day to day, week to week. I need it. Yet it does become mentaly heavy. It’s hard to battle the manic depression when i don’t have much positive stimulus.
-Brent Brents 1-20-13