Reader: Is rape an inevitability?

One response to “As a result of your latest post i have made the decision to not say that rape is worse than murder

There’s been a delay in my reply to you, I apologise, Brent.. particularly given your powerful response, thank you. My experience since last writing seems to be (as Brene Brown, a researcher òf shame and vulnerability would call) a ‘vulnerability hangover’! Almost from the moment I reached out and shared my experience and thoughts, I felt the shame.. who the hell was I to write something like that? What difference did I think it would make? So I hid away, closed myself off.. just like I’d squidge myself and my duvet under my bed as a child: it was safe under there. What a fraud eh? 🙂

What also prickled, was my first public acknowledgement of self blame. That I’d been so willing to accept the invitation of others to pick up the shame of what happened and convince myself that I deserved it. After struggling with this for a while, seeking help, receiving therapy (EMDR rocks), I’ve emerged with renewed curiosity. So, I’ve been reading the posts of others on the blog, as you recommend and the thought has occurred to me: ‘what else can I do to enable movement/growth of the intention of the book & blog?’ .. other questions: Is rape an inevitability? Will the abuse of children always be present in humanity? (As it has been for thousands of years?) Can it be reliably predicted? How can the perpetrator of rape be forgiven? How does the person who was raped ‘become clean’? I believe this blog is a catalyst for these open questions and I’m grateful to be part of it. With love and gratitude, E

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We have become a society of monster makers.

Comment: Hi Amy,

I just watched your TED Talk on the Brents case. Back when I was studying for an Administration of Justice degree, I remember studying serial killer cases with curiosity at first, but they seemed to run together and became boring to me . . . turns out evil is boring. Human decency really fascinated me because it seemed rarer in media headlines (by design for ad revenue?)

However, when I studied the Carl Panzram case, I was jolted to the core. His acts were no more or less heinous than other “monsters,” but his childhood upbringing really hit me hard. We have become a society of monster makers.

Are you familiar with his case? Books and a feature film were made about it all.

Brent Brents immediately reminded me of Carl Panzram. Your involvement in the Brents case is very similar to Henry Lesser’s intervention with Panzram. He was the one prison guard who treated Panzram as a human being without forgetting for a second the evil he was capable of in his broken state.

Anyway, thanks for talking about this!
Suzanne

Time: March 18, 2018 at 3:57 pm
Contact Form URL: https://diaryofapredator.com/contact/
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Sadly i was pure predator by then.

He’s right. CATC was a damn good place to get help. I just wasn’t trusting or caring enough. I know of only 2 other guys in our group who Reoffended Sexualy. Pablo, Dodi, and Bill put alot of effort into me. Sadly i was pure predator by then. I learned the Language, Manipulated my way thru it in the end.

–Brent Brents

1-14-18

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every guy in here says they poison the food

Ok so this pod I’m in is OK. A couple guys i can’t trust. But overall pretty peaceful. 2 hrs of Dayhall in the morning-2 in the afternoon or evening Depending on the schedule. 1 hr of yard 3 days per week. All the yards are about 35 yards wide and deep. Solid concrete. We don’t go to yard with GP. It’s usualy pretty Quiet in here. But we have some very weak minded individuals on the upper tier. Always talking Shit and dropping Snitch Kites on us. I got told on for something i didn’t do.

But it’s just immature dudes playing the boy who cried wolf. The COs even get it. Believe me I’m not in any BS. If it starts getting crazy i just Lock up…

I’m hoping to get to [a different facility]. Yet i’m not sure i want to. Only because GP cooks the food. And every guy in here says they poison the food with blood, semen, spit, feces, urine, and Toe and Finger nails. As well as other foreign matter.

-Brent Brents

1-9-18

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at least quit thinking about revenge

Thank You.

Dear Amy, You changed my life today. I just listened to your Ted talk, “Have You Ever Met a Monster?” and I want you to know that you changed my life.

You are also helping me to forgive my father – if not to excuse him, to at least quit thinking about revenge. Thank you.

All the best,

Susan

February 7, 2018

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As a result of your latest post i have made the decision to not say that rape is worse than murder

Emily,

Hello there. I am excited to reply to your latest post. I wrote 1 reply already. But my stoopid tablet dumped the whole thing. 😦 Any way i must first thank U sincerely Emily. Your engaging Amy and i in these dialogues is awesome. As U know Amy and i had set goals from the start w/ the blog. Engaging people in honest and truthful dialogues about the tuff subject of rape and any and all types of other physical, mental, sexual, and verbal abuses was 1 of them.

These are not dialogues for the feint of heart. Your courage and willingness to put yourself, your story, and your healing process out there. Is freakin awesome. Believe me when i tell U there is one or more someones out there who have been and will be encouraged by your strength.

Ok about my thought and feeling that rape is worse than murder. It now seems disrespectful in a way. After reading your latest post. I have had to reevaluate my thinking. In that thinking i took for granted that the survivor has the power to heal. And the purpatrator was the weak one from the beginning.

U are correct. The survivor only gives credance to the emotional death if they choose to give the abuser the power over themselves. While i agree w/ this. I also acknowledge that not all survivors are emotionaly equiped to deal w/ this in the way U have.

That is why i believe it be truly inspiring and helpfull for people such as yourself to use this blog and others to speak out. As a result of your latest post i have made the decision to not say that rape is worse than murder. While debilitating to all survivors. Rape can be overcome. Where as murder is a permanent thing.

I also think that your coming to a place of forgiveness w/ your attackers is absolute growth. While thanking them has taken the power you gave them in your emotional recovery. Please continue to engage us in these dialogues. One more thing Emily, if time petmits. Will U please read the posts from other survivors.

-Brent Brents

January 23, 2018

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My trauma will be with me for the rest of my life but I’m a fighter

Amy- I watched your whole video on Have you ever met a Monster. I will be honest, at first when I started to watch it I couldn’t listen objectively. I was unable to understand from the rapist’s point of view because I usually don’t have compassion for them. When I watched your video for the second time, I watched the whole thing and my views were changed a little. You are right, we need to change the way we view monsters.

Brent Brents- I understand exactly how you feel, you feel angry and betrayed by those around you. I’m so sorry for all the trauma you went through as a young boy. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it.

—————–

I know it’s difficult. I’m angry at the fact he got zero help..no one saw what was going. I’m not pitying him, I feel sad for his inner child…. It’s awful. In my own trauma I definitely am angry that my abuser got away with it and that the foster parent at the time chose to ignore it. But I’m so lucky to have gotten adopted into a loving and supportive family.

My trauma will be with me for the rest of my life but I’m a fighter, and I’ve made it this far.
Thank you so much for reading the comments and answering back…. Child abuse needs to be talked about more.
Sincerely,
Natasha

Time: January 28, 2018 at 7:52 pm

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