So the prison I’m in is 75% sexual offenders. And people let me be flat out honest. You should have a healthy reserve for the guy fresh out of prison. Most really don’t give a fuck about you, or any one else. Child sex offenders will find there ways to vulnerable children. Rapists will rape. Drug addicts will do unspeakable acts if they think it will get them their dope. Gang members will walk out the doors and go right back to the gangs. Shooting each other, and innocent people. Its frickin scary to just sit there and listen to the conversations, and watch the behavior.
I think about just how much alike I was to these people. Oh don’t get me wrong, if I were to stop doing what I do each day. I would still be the same as they are. In fact the only thing that separates me from their behavior, is my faith. My belief in our lord Jesus Christ. And the twelve steps of NA. And my knowing I can never ever stop living the life style I live now.
Its truly amazing how much clarity one can achieve when they put forth the effort to become a better human being. Exercising integrity without reservation in every thing you do. Be humble no matter what. Be truthful in all your affairs. Be honest and critical of yourself. Most of all love genuinely.
So I realize I will always be sexualy deviant in my thinking. Maybe not to the extant I was. But I still sometimes have rape fantasies. Yet I really don’t think about sex to often. When I get pissed off, I sometimes have the fantacies or thoughts about raping or hurting the person I am mad at.
So I’ve come a long way from the person I was twelve years ago. I really believe in the thought that true acceptance of self, only comes with a very thurough and honest willingness to look at ones self and not hold any thing back.-Brent Brents 8-25-16
Tag Archives: NA
You should have a healthy reserve for the guy fresh out of prison
Filed under Brents' writings
The sex offenders like to use the excuse, oh it was the drugs.
I will see many come and go as I spend my life in prison. I’ll see many of them get out, only to hurt someone else and come back. Not just once or twice. Several times, behind a crime that usually ends up being drug or gang related. The sex offenders like to use the excuse; oh it was the drugs. We all know that’s a load of horse shit.
So in NA tonight I spoke about feeling hysterical sometimes when I get real manic. I realized that I get hysterical about small problems. And I turn them into big unnecessary problems. I really didn’t like realizing that about myself. But I will tell you this. I love my NA. Just sitting there sometimes I here a person speak and I get insights into my own thoughts and feelings. It is interesting how alike we all are. Yet most of us intensely insist, (We are not like those guys!) When we are the same in so many ways. Meth addicts often become sexualy addicted. Or addicted to sugar. Some of us heroin addicts tend to have to take a crap Right before we fix, or on our way to score dope.
So where am I going, well as an addict I have victimized more people than I realized. Selling heroin to people, victimizes them and their families, friends, and others in their lives. Not to mention the victims they will create when they get desperate for their fix. Because as we all know, addicts will do any thing to get their dope. And yes sexual deviance is a huge part of a great deal of addicts lives. Whether they will admit it or not. I’m not saying addiction makes sexual deviance excusable. Quite the opposite. Drugs often bring a persons true colors to light.-Brent Brents 8-25-16
Filed under Brents' writings
Diary of a Predator 