So I like to sit in the yard and think about things on a meaningful level. Years ago I would sit in prison and all I thought of were drugs, drinking, fucking prostitutes, rape,violence. You name it i bet it crossed my mind back then.I do get scared sometimes these days because someone gets smart. And like you said, i do have a smart mouth. And years ago I was pretty capable of backing it up. Now not so much. Plus another fight for me is a death sentence. I just don’t think I could do the rest of my life behind a cell door without serious mental health issues. And I am pretty sure I would choose suicide over living in a cell for what’s left of my life.
I have often likened being in prison, to an animal living in a cage. Or a zoo if you will. People come and walk by your enclosure. They don’t care for you, they have little to no compassion for you. They just want to see the animal up close, and safely away from it. Prison isn’t really “Fun”. Its not meant to be. It does what it was intended to do. (Confine you ) Punish, well you could make a case that it does have the ear marks of punishment. Truth be told, it takes animals to control animals. This isn’t meant insultingly. Think about it, what type of individual wants to work to retirement as a prison guard. There has to be some kind of disconnect in the brain. One that allows you to come to work each day and do what normal people would not. Looking at genitals one or more times a day, during strip searches. Searching cells daily. Sitting countless hours on your ass getting fat. Having to break up violent confrontations involving knives (Shanks ) in prison lingo. Fist fights. Witnessing death ( usually violent ) more often than a person should. You often see these TV programs like Lockup or Jail. What is often shown is an inth of the true realities of prison life.
-Brent Brents 9-4-16
Tag Archives: drugs
I will see many come and go as I spend my life in prison. I’ll see many of them get out, only to hurt someone else and come back. Not just once or twice. Several times, behind a crime that usually ends up being drug or gang related. The sex offenders like to use the excuse; oh it was the drugs. We all know that’s a load of horse shit.
So in NA tonight I spoke about feeling hysterical sometimes when I get real manic. I realized that I get hysterical about small problems. And I turn them into big unnecessary problems. I really didn’t like realizing that about myself. But I will tell you this. I love my NA. Just sitting there sometimes I here a person speak and I get insights into my own thoughts and feelings. It is interesting how alike we all are. Yet most of us intensely insist, (We are not like those guys!) When we are the same in so many ways. Meth addicts often become sexualy addicted. Or addicted to sugar. Some of us heroin addicts tend to have to take a crap Right before we fix, or on our way to score dope.
So where am I going, well as an addict I have victimized more people than I realized. Selling heroin to people, victimizes them and their families, friends, and others in their lives. Not to mention the victims they will create when they get desperate for their fix. Because as we all know, addicts will do any thing to get their dope. And yes sexual deviance is a huge part of a great deal of addicts lives. Whether they will admit it or not. I’m not saying addiction makes sexual deviance excusable. Quite the opposite. Drugs often bring a persons true colors to light.
-Brent Brents 8-25-16
Sometimes I feel unable to express how things like that really do take a toll on our psychy. Often people who search our cells don’t understand that these are our homes and we feel violated when our cells get tore up…Yes there is a need to extract dangerous contraband knives, drugs, etc. But one extra sugar pack is just fucking petty and says alot about the person doing the shake down. Petty vindictive and hateful.
-Brent Brents 10-27-13