Ok so this pod I’m in is OK. A couple guys i can’t trust. But overall pretty peaceful. 2 hrs of Dayhall in the morning-2 in the afternoon or evening Depending on the schedule. 1 hr of yard 3 days per week. All the yards are about 35 yards wide and deep. Solid concrete. We don’t go to yard with GP. It’s usualy pretty Quiet in here. But we have some very weak minded individuals on the upper tier. Always talking Shit and dropping Snitch Kites on us. I got told on for something i didn’t do.
But it’s just immature dudes playing the boy who cried wolf. The COs even get it. Believe me I’m not in any BS. If it starts getting crazy i just Lock up…
I’m hoping to get to [a different facility]. Yet i’m not sure i want to. Only because GP cooks the food. And every guy in here says they poison the food with blood, semen, spit, feces, urine, and Toe and Finger nails. As well as other foreign matter.
Category Archives: Brents' writings
every guy in here says they poison the food
As a result of your latest post i have made the decision to not say that rape is worse than murder
Hello there. I am excited to reply to your latest post. I wrote 1 reply already. But my stoopid tablet dumped the whole thing. 😦 Any way i must first thank U sincerely Emily. Your engaging Amy and i in these dialogues is awesome. As U know Amy and i had set goals from the start w/ the blog. Engaging people in honest and truthful dialogues about the tuff subject of rape and any and all types of other physical, mental, sexual, and verbal abuses was 1 of them.
These are not dialogues for the feint of heart. Your courage and willingness to put yourself, your story, and your healing process out there. Is freakin awesome. Believe me when i tell U there is one or more someones out there who have been and will be encouraged by your strength.
Ok about my thought and feeling that rape is worse than murder. It now seems disrespectful in a way. After reading your latest post. I have had to reevaluate my thinking. In that thinking i took for granted that the survivor has the power to heal. And the purpatrator was the weak one from the beginning.
U are correct. The survivor only gives credance to the emotional death if they choose to give the abuser the power over themselves. While i agree w/ this. I also acknowledge that not all survivors are emotionaly equiped to deal w/ this in the way U have.
That is why i believe it be truly inspiring and helpfull for people such as yourself to use this blog and others to speak out. As a result of your latest post i have made the decision to not say that rape is worse than murder. While debilitating to all survivors. Rape can be overcome. Where as murder is a permanent thing.
I also think that your coming to a place of forgiveness w/ your attackers is absolute growth. While thanking them has taken the power you gave them in your emotional recovery. Please continue to engage us in these dialogues. One more thing Emily, if time petmits. Will U please read the posts from other survivors.
January 23, 2018
Filed under Brents' writings
I don’t wanna fuck up
I haven’t had my manic depression meds since they moved me, December 18. I’m up and down every day, to the point of having rage in my brain.
I’ve been begging these people to put me on Abilify like they promised me. I’ve put in 5 kites [written requests]. And I’m still waiting to see the psychiatrist.
I want to mellow out. The shit is getting to my brain. I understand what’s going on, and I can only remove myself physically from so many situations.
I can’t read. Can’t focus. I need to get on that medication. I’m depressed. Then I get manic and start feeling bad things and I come back to my cell.
I don’t wanna fuck up.
-Brent Brents, January 17, 2018
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison, Psychiatric evaluations
I’m super freaky about clean
Have i told you about my air vent. Holy Shit. The Damn thing would blow a small dog all over the place. It blows right at my face when I’m sleeping. So i have to put my big green Duffle bag in front of it to keep it off my face. Problem is, it’s right next to my toilet seat. So each time i have to pee i have to move it. So i don’t splash on it. 😦 I’m super freaky about clean so get unnerved by the whole situation. I know I’m crazy. 🙂
-Brent Brents 8-16-17
You are blessed
Foggy here, how bout there? It burned off pretty quick yesterday. Good For you. Nice sunny day and evening at home w/ the pack. Damn i envy you. Do you know what i would give to ride or play with the dogs and cats. Even the coo of a calm chicken in my arms sounds good. Just to Love on an animal. You are blessed don’t Take it for granted.
-Brent Brents 6-20-17
So now I’m wearing toilet paper man pads
So on the way here in that death trap transport truck we hit a bump in the road which threw me about a foot in the air. Next thing i know i hit my crotch from my asshole to my balls, and this terrible pain racks me down there. That was Wed. Thursday i woke up with what i know to be a cist. It was baseball size. I was in excrutiating pain. Because of my transition status i could not be taken to a hospital. Thur, Fri, Sat, no sleep and the worst pain I’ve experienced in years. Sat afternoon caboosh it explodes. Blood, pus everywhere my stool, my coveralls, socks, boxers, shoes all ruined. It’s still bleeding…I’ll have to have it rinsed from the inside out. Plus i have a one inch gash that needs suturing also from the inside out. But although the rupture was pass out painful and God awful messy the relief was instantaneous. Whew!!! So now I’m wearing toilet paper man pads to keep from bleeding every where. They are probably tired of me ruining sheets and blankets boxers and coveralls. I know horrible right!
-Brent Brents 6-19-17
Man what a shit i am
Fuck I’m Feeling old. Greg Allmans dead, Guns N Roses are classic rock. Trump the chump is president. What the hell Else can get weird for me. But hey what else can i expect I’m an old soul and i missed my decade.
So been thinking alot about [two boys he molested] and what they are like now. I wonder if [one of them] is fucked up or if his natural compasion and Intellegence have carried him thru life and helped him get over what i did to him. [the other boy] i think will be an angry person. Not just because of me. But his whole situation. I just hope i didn’t Fuck them up too bad.
So back to [the first boy]. I’m not sure why i still care, but i do. I guess partly because i really gave a shit about him then. Plus he reminded me so much of me at that age. I just knew i fucked up so bad with him. He really trusted me and loved me. I still remember the first time he called me dad how big my heart swole up w love and pride. Man what a shit i am for hurting him like that. Poor kid was so confused about stuff. Do you know he apologized to me secretly one day for telling. God what a bastard i was. I just hope he became a good man w/out all those poisons i had as i grew up. I realy tried to love him right.
-Brent Brents 6-11-17
no more OCD meds means the bugs will come back
Oh did i tell you i have no more hair? Yes i broke down and had it all cut off. It is so hard to care for in the hole and well, no more OCD meds means the bugs will come back and I’ll itch myself to death. (The bugs are already back.) I”m already itching badly. Damn Bugs 😦
I’m running around with half of a Right eye brow. 🙂 HA! No OCD Meds! It’s been tuff no doubt. Alot of Anxiety, Boredom, and eating out of Both. I really have to watch the mania. But at least i get to talk to my counselor every two weeks. It really helps. Alot more than the every 90 days.
-Brent Brents 6-5-17