Author Archives: Amy Herdy

by | February 12, 2016 · 11:36 pm

how the hell do i forgive

Note from Amy: For the first time, Brent Brents was able to read the book I wrote about covering his case, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which includes the correspondence between us leading up to his trial and immediately after. It’s what he’s referring to here.

Our letters well, i obviously was in a state of childhood mentaly most of that first year. I see that now. As i read i was sad for the child, but angry at the man and rightly so. He was evil and scary as hell. I look back at myself and think how the hell do i forgive that person. Much less anyone else forgiving me.

-Brent Brents 1-20-16

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by | November 8, 2015 · 11:57 pm

the cost of testing those rape kits. No one holds 5K walks or car washes

Note from Amy:

This excerpt is from a letter sent by Brent Brents in August, shortly after news stories began focusing on the tens of thousands of untested rape kits that exist at police departments around the country.

OK get to the point Right. So lets take the most obvious killer in the world. Cancer. When someone gets cancer these days, they can often have a team of people assembled to help them.

The same could be said for the victim of sexual assault. But we come to the cost of testing those rape kits. No one holds 5K walks or car washes, or charity auctions to raise money for the testing of these kits past and present. Theres no Dave Thomas to leave a portion of his estate to victims of sexual assault.

So I’m asking people to step to the plate. First off go to your local city, county or state authorities and find out how many Rape test kits are stored untested. Find out the cost to test the kits. Hold 5K survivors walks, sexual assault survivors charity auctions, bake sales, car washes. Seek Donations….and whatever these Events generate in money give it to your city, county, and state authorities. Make it specificaly for the testing of those kits.

Sexual assault always carries a stigma of shame and there are neandrathal thinking people. This is 2015 the world is not stuck in endless cycle of ignorance. Rape is not a victims fault in any way. But the world is still only paying lip service.

Kill a Lion, a whale, fight Dogs and there are millions who fight their battle. Someone gets assaulted and there is only the judicial system, which, let’s be realistic is only going thru the motions. The police and prosecutors No matter how caring and sincere, are Limited by barbareck and outdated laws, Limited funds, and authorities who often are burned out.

Please People….please run with it.

-Brent Brents 8-18-15

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by | November 5, 2015 · 12:24 am

Hurt people hurt people

The following comment was sent to this Diary of a Predator website two weeks ago by a mother who is also an author, and refers to a courageous young man who is stepping forward to talk about his sexual abuse–crashing through those barriers of shame and blame:

Hi Amy, I just finished your book and it was an education into what I’ve always believed to be true… Hurt people hurt people. My book JUST ONE BOY: the unintentional legacy of early childhood neglect and abuse was published last year. My stepson has sexually assaulted and raped 36 children before my son, his half brother, told me about his abuse. We speak at many Colorado conferences yearly. I almost lost my son to suicide but at 17, he decided to speak out about his abuse. Google him for more info on his work Matthew Anckner.

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by | September 8, 2015 · 6:00 am

Will i go to heaven or hell?

Faith! Enterestingly enough having a faith has mellowed me a lot. I’m not a prison zealot. I take my faith seriously. Will i go to heaven or hell? How much good does one have to do to earn that trip to the gates of heaven. I’m Not sure that hell is where i’ll wind up. I have faith in our Lord. Prayer is my weapon of choice these days. I know, There will be lots of nay sayers. All I know is i can make peace with The person who wakes up in my bed each morning, Never forgetting that I’m in this cell for a reason. I do my making up for my past by prayer and doing this. I don’t know how much these posts help, assuming they do. But i Live for the cause so to speak. “Prevention.” How do we stop Making Sexual offenders. My faith is my way to keep me on this path.

-Brent Brents 5-1-15

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by | September 4, 2015 · 4:48 pm

Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred

My dislike of the “white prison culture” is extreme. There’s a thing in prison called a come up. And every one is trying to come up, get on, or get some of the action. Gambling, drugs, sex homosexual or straight, food. You name it everyone wants a piece. And each race has a piece of the pie. I don’t realy talk to anyone. If i do it’s with the whites. If i have to enteract with other races I try to be curtious. But i also make it real clear i am Not going to tolerate any games. And yes For all of you, it’s because of my experiences not just with any other races, just as much as it has been with The so called “White people” I always say that no one has a corner on the market where ignorance is concerned. I will be the first to tell you I’m ignorant where race is concerned. It’s an an excuse thats just how it is. I’ve let racial slurs come from my mouth in the heat of battle. And in personal enteractions with my own kind. These last years I’ve gotten to a point where i just feel like it’s a battle that None of us can ever win. Too many sterotypes. Too many people who are willing to carry the torch of hatred. I won’t carry it any more, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel those old hatreds now and then.

-Brent Brents 5-1-15

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by | August 25, 2015 · 6:00 am

my Racial and bigoted self

So Amy back to last Nights thoughts. Right my Racial and bigoted self. Rarely do i react with extreme prejudice. I often like i try to handle situations with men or women of different Races, In a decent way. But the truth is i am just like most people of any Race. We’ve certain misconceptions. Blacks like fried chicken, Asians like Rice and Raw fish, white people hate every one, etc. The truth is we are all situationaly Racial. No matter our Race. In prison Racial segregation Is a must for every ones survival. Every one has to choose Right from the start whether or not they are going to be victims or Victimizers in prison. Sheep or wolves. Young white boys hangin with the blacks or hispanics automaticly gets a Lable of some kind. It’s just the law If your not with your own, your weak or No good.

Me i have always chosen to be the wolf. But when i cam back to prison my case automaticly put me in the Sheeps pen. Am i a true hate monger, No. I think Hitler was a psycho with to many people just like him. Do i trust blacks, hispanics, or asian, or any other race? Hell No. This is prison. 99 % of the people you enteract with want something from you.

–Brent Brents 5-1-15

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by | August 23, 2015 · 6:49 pm

judgement

Asshole took the yard hostage all day long. Kicking the windows and door and screaming. Having the cops going up and down the stairs all day. But he pussed out right before they were going to gas him. They moved him to the fuck up Pod. I just think the universe once again delivers its judgement.

-Brent Brents 5-1-15

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by | August 7, 2015 · 7:11 pm

Prison is not an easy venue

So any way so much of my thinking and feelings have come 180° from 10 years ago. Don’t get me wrong I stil have my not so brilliant hours and days. Prison is Not an easy venue to go from total shit head to minor poopy dude in. God knows I’m trying Amy to be a better human being! It’s not easy.

My Racial bigoted side comes out now and then. Totaly my fault. It doesn’t matter what a person does or doesn’t do. Other people’s faults aren’t reasons for me to be ignorant.

-Brent Brents 4-30-15

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by | July 30, 2015 · 1:08 am

Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose

If i get an erection these days i feel shame. I hear the ridicule and voices of those who hated me for what i had done to them. It’s weird I honestly can’t get an erection because of my meds. You might think i am humiliated or feel imasculated because of this. Truth be told I couldn’t be happier about my inability to get or sustain an erection.

Why well it seems pretty straight forward to me. I have fantacies, i get erect, I hunt, my rage builds, I Rape and assault. That was me 10 years ago. Now i have fantacies or thoughts, of Raping, or being violent, my penis feels some like a warm twitch and thats it. No super desire to masterbate to the fantacy or thought. I simply can’t feel physicaly. And it helps me to control my thinking and physical desire to release that hate and rage of the violent fantacies and thoughts and it is the same for the normal fantacies and normal thoughts of sexual relationships. So I am Impotent thanks to psych meds. Whoopi. Thank you sir can i get a higher Dose. I can’t tell you how great it feels to be unable to fallow thru with the fantacy or thought. Who knew Impotence could be such a welcome thing.

-Brent Brents 4-3-15

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by | July 22, 2015 · 12:39 am

Fighting flashes of hatred and rage

Note from Amy: Apparently I set this letter from Brent Brents aside in order to post several blogs from it and then got too busy. I uncovered it today on my desk, hence the reason why it’s dated from April. So here’s the first of several excerpts to come from that letter:

So i want to share something with you that has been going on in my mind Lately. My outlook on life has so freakishly changed these last few years. For example this empathy that continues to grow inside for others and the plight of humans everywhere. Don’t get me wrong I still harbor some bitterness, and hatred toward my family (parents). And I don’t trust any man…I’m getting so sick of death and violence. Rape, Domestic Violence. all of it on TV. Read about it in newspapers. And worst of all thru war stories told by cold and brutal men who are only steps from my own cell door. And within this cell, in this head is a brain that is constantly telling itself No more violence. Fighting flashes of hatred and rage. Trying to unlearn old habits. Pushing pride and ego aside, to make room for humility.

–Brent Brents 4-30-15

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