These days it seems stoopid that i harboured so much for over 30 years. Plus, I let that hate eat at me until i was truly an evil person. No compasion, No Empathy. Just a hatefull Machine. Willing to use and hurt anyone.
-Brent Brents 7-23-14
Category Archives: Brents' writings
No Empathy
Filed under Brents' writings
hate
I was thinking the other day about the times in my life that i really honestly had the option of a better path to follow.I know somehow i would have screwed it up, no Matter what i did. I just couldn’t let go of the hate.
-Brent Brents 7-16-14
Filed under Brents' writings
torturing innocent people
Note from Amy: I debated posting the following excerpt of a recent letter from Brent Brents because I had such a strong negative reaction to it. Later, I re-read it and decided there is merit in posting what he had to say because it’s an example of his motivations and mindset. More on that in a moment.
As always, visitors to this website should realize that its content can be triggering. It’s not my intention to cause anyone pain; rather, I’m trying to do a small part to raise awareness about the issues of child abuse, child sexual abuse and rape that are found in the case of Brent Brents so that we can figure out how to prevent these crimes.
Now, about what he wrote: In the following excerpt, Brents is referring to a young boy he molested. The child was the son of a single mother who Brents dated brieflly, and the story is told in the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which details the devastating impact the case had on the child, his mother and the rest of their family.
So much of child sexual abuse is the tragic repetition of patterns, and this situation was a reflection of that. Abused himself as a child, Brent Brents was repeating a pattern of sexual abuse on this boy. The difference is that the boy told his mother and she reported it, so the abuse did not continue for a long period of time.
As always, the content is presented here exactly as Brents wrote it:
I have been thinking about my inability to be Non-sexual with Ian. I might Not make sense but i really thought i was giving him Something he was missing. I was good to him for the most part. But it was me who had the Need Not Ian. Hell to be honest the Kid had his shit together more than any of us.
I know i manipulated him and twisted shit in my own Mind to convince myself he wanted the sexual attention. The Sad thing is that he snuck over to my place one day to apologize for getting me into trouble. Crying Sobbing that it was his fault. I begged him to forgive me and Reassured him that i was wrong and it wasn’t his fault.
Never did i imagine things like this would be the things that Work to better me mentaly. Its taken all these years to work thru the denials. None of it feels good in the moment of realization. There is nothing for me to celabrate. No milestone markers. But i hope that somehow men who are prone to sexual violence and predatory behaviors can learn early on. Instead of spending years in tortured minds and torturing innocent people.
Brent Brents4-13-13
Filed under Brents' writings
prison any where would make soap operas look tame
Gossip.
We all do it. But here in prison it is crazy. Cops do it, staff do it, Inmates do it. Kid you Not prison any where would make soap operas look tame. People die over the stoopidest shit all brought on by gossip. I try not to do it. Unsucessfully mind you. Mostly is is my anger and frustration with the Staff and inmates. Things i don’t understand and situations that get confusing or out of control.
-Brent Brents 3-10-14
Filed under Brents' writings
if i block out their cries
Note from Amy–See the previous post. Brent Brents was captured in February 2005 after one final crime spree during Valentine’s Day weekend when he committed several rapes. He is referring to that here as well.
So February went quick for me this year. I still struggle w/ the memories, shame and guilt. I still won’t give up the memories, I’m pretty sure if i block out their cries, and looks of pain i would be avoiding whats most important. Empathy.
I do confess I don’t know alot about it, but i am growing into a man who feels other peoples pain.
-Brent Brents 2-24-14
Filed under Brents' writings
So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice
Note from Amy: Brent Brent’s last vicious crime spree happened the weekend of Valentine’s Day, 2005, during which he raped several victims, including a grandmother and her two granddaughters. I can’t imagine what the horror of that anniversary means to those survivors. It also fills Brents with self loathing, and it’s the significance of that date he’s referring to in the following excerpt from a recent letter, posted here exactly as he wrote it:
So it’s grow up time. Each year at this time i just shut off. Thats really childish i think. Why Not face it all. Deal with what i feel and accept the discomfort. I can still picture it all and it has become a painfull thing to see what i did to those i hurt.
Disconnect is easy.
So This weekend i spoke to a friend at her urging and at length. 9 years i guess seems like a long time. And makes it easier to ignore. But it isn’t easy at all. Decisons and things i chose to do still don’t make since. One of the worst and most personally painfull is playing God. Choosing one persons life over another. There was No sense in it that Night and i can’t find any now. So i feel the pain of those i hurt.
I knew it as a child, carried it with me into a disfunction adulthood, and used it to justify violence hatred and cruelty. I see shows on TV where people are hurt in the ways i hurt people. I feel like i can’t breath because i ache For them and their loved ones. It doesn’t feel good at all to know i caused This feeling to so many people thruout my life.
So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice when it comes to being responsible for what i have done.
-Brent Brents 2-20-14
Filed under Brents' writings
The beatings, and fear, and rape that permiated my life
So It was pretty cold the other Night. And I woke up cold and having to pee. And immediately went back to my childhood. How i would wake up cold and wet and in fear of him either catching in the bathroom, wanting a blow job, or finding out i wet the bed.
The beatings, and fear, and rape that permiated my life back then. It’s surprising what can trigger those memories. And even now I still wake with a start Now and then. Feeling that old fear, even though I haven’t wet the bed since i was 13.
And I’m still able to know that old feeling of fear angers Me. It’s Vulnerable and i don’t like it. No One does, I forget that sometimes. And i get wrapped up in my own head and emotions, So i forget that I’ve caused so many others these same emotions.
I always hope that those i hurt are able to forget me and live free of the hell that myself and others cause thru rape and abuse.
-Brent Brents 1-26-14
Filed under Brents' writings
I can’t change the past
Note from Amy: In November, the following question was sent to me by a reader through this website, Diary of a Predator:
I do have a question for Brent. Since prison is punishment and supposed to help prevent crimes as a deterrent, do you think it is fair ( yes, I know nothing is fair) that you were granted an identity change and transfer in exchange for admitting guilt for what you had done? The victims were not granted anything special and their identities are easily found on the internet. Do you feel that your punishment should be met with honesty, even if that means you will be targeted?
I conveyed the question to Brents, and this week I received his reply in the mail:
So i have been asked to answer whether or not the out of state housing stipulation is fair or Not. Well first let me say that no matter what Mitch Morrissey is telling people, I’m Not doing easy time. I’m doing the same administrative segragation time i would be doing in Colorado. Acutaly i have less privaledges here. Too bad huh.
So am i being to those i victimized. I believe there is Nothing fair about what i did, Nor can I ever do enough to be fair. So No, Not yesterday, today, or in the future. I stick to the process of staying out of arguing fair or unfair.
The bottom line is, how can i best serve out The justice those i hurt deserve. I believe spending each day for the rest of my life, aware of what i have done. The evil, The pain, The wrecking of people’s lives. And working w/ Amy on this web site. I can’t change the past, but i can hopefully help change the future. At least i am trying to do some good. Most sexual offenders go to prison and don’t care about what or who they hurt. Or do anything to make themselves better.
Brent Brents 12-15-13
Filed under Brents' writings
i choose to face my evils
It’s difficult enough to hold myself accountable each day. It’s hard Not to say fuck it i quit, screw everyone. But i choose to face my evils each and every day. But sometimes i need a feel good, a break. Otherwise i would go more insane and bitter without the breaks.
-Brent Brents 11-2-13
Filed under Brents' writings
the shakedown experience
Sometimes I feel unable to express how things like that really do take a toll on our psychy. Often people who search our cells don’t understand that these are our homes and we feel violated when our cells get tore up…Yes there is a need to extract dangerous contraband knives, drugs, etc. But one extra sugar pack is just fucking petty and says alot about the person doing the shake down. Petty vindictive and hateful.
-Brent Brents 10-27-13
Filed under Brents' writings
Diary of a Predator 