Category Archives: Brents' writings

I used to think the bible just a stupid book with a B.S. story. Even now i May be a realist and doubt the way things happened in some of the stories. But i believe in the principle of faith hope and love it teaches. They are not easy concepts For an angry, selfish, embittered, and hateful man/child to grasp. But when one does, No Matter what their faith, Life really does get better. I know what the rest of my life behind bars will be like. Whether it’s behind a cell door or on a yard it’s the same. It’s a place for bitter, angry, hateful, selfish, men/children. From person to person. Prison to prison. State to state. Faces and names will change. But This world never does. So All i can do is keep my faith hope and love. And Let it sustain this me.

Brent Brents 1-5-11   7:00 A.M.

So recently i saw a T.V. program on Domestic Violence. I was saddened by the statistics but not surprised. As a child i witnessed the brutal terror of Domestic Violence in my own parents relationship. Frankly i am amazed my mother is alive. And i just wonder how i had the courage to try to keep him from beating her but had the cowardess to become just like him.

Any way what i am writing about is marital rape and for lack of knowledge what i will call domestic rape. I have seen marital rape. And it is i think the most violent torterous control a man can exercise over their spouse. And over the years i have been told it is the least reported rape.

The Domestic Rape (boyfriend, girlfriend) As a teenager and young adult i was guilty of this and i saw alot of my friends do the same. Sometimes it is outright rape. But most often it occurs in the If you love me form of manipulation. Young girls and women with little experience or relationship knowledge succumb to sexual dominance by their partners because of fear or fear of Losing the partners love. And well i don’t care what the experts say we know what we are doing when we pressure and manipulate our partners like this. Its rape at worst and sexual abuse at least.

I don’t know all the dinamics of this type of sexual assault. But i do know it’s very very common and becoming more so in our teen and young adult cultures. So as this website is about helping and healing, I am making a plea to any professional persons who are knowledgeable about this subject to please use this site to educate all of us. But especially those vulnerable to this type of sexual abuse.

Brent Brents 10-5-10 9:20 p.m.

Sometimes i don’t know why i feel the things i do or think the way i think. I know i feel much more spiritual these days. Not necisarily on a Christian level. But just a spiritual desire for peace and to love. Hate is such a heavy burden to carry for a life time. And love sure feels a helluva lot warmer. I realy believe love heals.

Brent Brents 10-12-10 3:15 a.m.

Outward and cupped i can hold my hands. And be they filled with riches, They go not unto my next life.

Open and vulnerable i can hold my heart. Be it filled with love, and pour forth love. With Love shall it carry me into the life next.

Brent Brents 10-12-10 12:15 p.m.

i agree with Amy. Heated discussion is better than no discussion at all. Yet insulting people’s integrity just because you hate me and the things i have done, or disagree with Amy’s or anyone else’s opinions thoughts or feelings on this site. This is counterproductive to what we are all trying to do, trying to achieve.

By all means express your feelings, your thoughts and your opinions. If your outraged this is the place for you to express it civily. And when you have done so, don’t just sign off. Add your ideas of how to “prevent” children from being abused, how to help victims not become offenders. How to help or integrate sex offenders back into society or not do so. If you have a safe service to offer victims or people in need of healing then speak up.

No idea, plan or thought is too ridiculous. Ridiculous is Not speaking up, Not taking a risk, Not doing something to change what we all know to be the root causes of predatory behaviors.

By all means have feelings, emotions, Thoughts, ideas and opinions. They don’t have to be popular, comfortable or “mainstream” to be valuable. Believe me being proactive sure feels a hell of a lot better than wallowing in bitterness, hatred, fear, insecurity and negativity. And who knows people. The combined efforts of all of you could help and save one or many from suffering the savage ugliness of sexual abuses, or maybe keep one victim from becoming a predator.

If we take sides, draw lines in the sand we help no one. And that is a sad commentary on all of us.

-Brent Brents

Brents responds to Troy, a reader who says he was also abused as a child.

Troy,

I read your response to the website recently. Bizarre is a mild way of putting our childhood similarities. There have been, and are millions like us. A sad truth.

Yes too often society ignores Beaten, abused and neglected Children. Is it because no one cares? Maybe a percentage of people don’t really care. But as i age and mature, i learn to really look at it in a way that has begun to make sense. I have come to believe that many witnesses to these horrors, ignore or turn away because of pain. Either having to acknowledge personal traumas or having to commit to feeling the pain of supporting a victim.

I think, No i know, i never stopped to look at the big picture. If a person reports the abuse of a child or a woman they are acknowledging and commiting to that person. Opening themselves up to experiencing so much. So i can genuinely get why people “mind their own business.” I don’t agree, but i can certainly see why.

And yes we who have been victims often turned to the authorities.  Trusting and hoping for resolutions only to be revictimized by the systems ignorance. And this system often empowers the victimizers through its ignorance, lack of funding, improper or lack of training. Overburdening of victims. Overwhelmed, undertrained, understaffed. That’s the system.

Troy i was in a juvenile institution with kids who were seriously disturbed and in therapy sessions. i heard “our” stories over and over again. At the time it only fueled my hatred for authority and the system. But as i look back now it has saddened me.  I envy those who have been victims and overcame and achieved. I wish i could have not ended up like this. I say “this” because my mind is really screwed up.

At 35 you were able to change your life. At 35 i was unable to cope with the world outside of prison. “We need a revolution.” A damn good way to put it Troy. I do this with Amy in spite of what goes on in my head because it saddens me to think of people ending up like me or just being victims period.  And believe me i battle myself daily. I will never be “cured.” My brain is hard wired to violence, sexual or otherwise.

At just ten years old i learned what it was like to gain power thru rape. And it changed me in the worst way. Because i embraced it like i have heroin, meth, alcohol, destructive relationships, sexual deviance, hate, rage bitterness and anger.

I have worked hard these last few years just to let go. just let go of the resentment for all the hurts and pains i endured. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I still often find myself inexplicably in fits of rage, fantasizing about brutally hurting people. I go into deep depressions contemplating suicide because the one person i truly loathe is myself in these states of rage.

So i want to do what i can to keep people from creating ways for children to become like myself. I don’t know the answers to the solution. But i hope my honesty will help in the process. Thank you for using the site.

Some of you want to know how Drugs and Alcohol have affected me. Badly i would say. Most often my addiction made it easy for me to make bad decisions worse. I was able to do things i didint’ think i had the stomach for. And eventualy empowered me. Not in a good way. My addiction led me to become violent quicker and act with no feeling for Those i abused. And my addiction helped me to avoid my own very deep insecurities. Being dishonest with myself instead of accepting the reality. There is nothing i can do about the addiction in my case but simply acknowledge its destructiveness. And just not do the drugs or drink. Let reality take its course. Acknowledge my insecurities. Be honest with myself. And that is Non Negotiable to me.