A reader shares his experiences as an abused child.
Hi Amy and Brent,
As an abused child myself,I was bizarre to read the chronicles from Mr. Bren’t childhood. For years after being beaten,sexually and emotionally abused it was clear to me that society is in part to blame for ignoring obviously beaten child when they are right in front of their face in either a school setting or the emergency room. But getting discovered can lead to heightened abuse a home far from the police station.
After coming to school with a bleeding broken nose my second grade teacher turned me over to the nurse whom phoned the police. Well they pretended to be my friends and got me to tell the truth. Within hours i was back home with my abusive step-dad madder than hell that his secret had been exposed. From the time I was 8 I never trusted another adult and began to live in my own world.
Wonder why most of the abused don’t come forward? They have usually through this before and realize that they end up right back where they came from;the absers are angrier and can’t wait to take their sickness out on you,in this case a small child who weighed 60 pounds. #2 Uprooting them and being put into foster care puts an already timid kid into a place where you have no protection. Although homelike sucks it is the one they know. I’ve met several persons at support groups whom have been placed in foster care,only to be sexually or physically abused. 3. Call it Stocholm syndrome but although it sounds sick it is common for the childeren to love these maniacs. They begin to see bad attention as any attention,sadly they learn to love their abusers. 3.)My step-father who beat me constantly,knocking me unconcios etc…was never taken to court in anyway. It was the 70’s when sadly children were seen as their property and statistically unless you kill a strangers white child no one really wants to get involved to help these children. The cops in my case had several photos of my numerous interactions with them.
A friend of mine in high school finally had enough abuse and shot his father to death. We always thought that had his father done these things to a neighbor or a stranger he would have been in jail. But it seems that you,as a child,have no rights in the eye of the law. Often when you do try to get help the athoraties are dubious to interceded the confines of a family home.
Anyway, I grew up angry and alone until we moved to a different state and my abusive stepdad left my mother who was six months pregnant. Then I turned into a bully and stated to be a monster. Then one day it just stopped less than a year later. Instead I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain which I didn’t stop until I was 35.
Amy you are right! Lots has to change in dealings with children of abuse. We need a revoulution in how we handle these cases or not be suprised when people like Brent act out. After years of someone four times your size beats you almost daily you come out damaged . Who knows if Brent’s dad didn’t knock something loose in his head?
Thanks for this forum
3 responses to “A letter from Troy”
I was VERY interested in reading this blog entry. Here is what I need to know, as a elementary school counselor I want to do everything I can do to help “my kids”… what would you suggest?? I don’t want any child I work with feel like there isn’t an adult they can talk with — please help and educate me so I can help my children.
It was so difficult for me to trust counselors ,as much as, my parents or the police. I was personally bullied by a much more physically mature student at school who even at that age was adept at picking out those who were weaker into doing his dirty work. After,severe bullying I decided to befriend him and that’s when he started sexually abusing me on almost a daily basis. One would think you would go right to your parents or school staff,however,they would have made the matter much worse as they couldn’t protect me all the time.
I never wanted to go to school so my step dad who had been physically beating me for years got a great oppourtunity to unleash his sadistic brand of child abuse. I couldn’t win. Tell the the truth and school would have been a worse hell for me. Plus,being prepubesent I felt dirty at the things I was forced to do.
Look for with who suddenly become withdrawn, afraid to go to school. Remember,they don’t trust adults and you must treat all overt signs of home physical abuse but remember you must walk a fine line as what are their options? Mine was boys school.
If I seem a bot emotional now;well I am. If I can be of any further help please let me know!
Amy and Brent ~
While I certainly won’t disagree with your proof and findings associated with Brent being abused as a child and therefore becoming the kind of person he was, I will state that NOT all abused children turn out bad. I’m a good example of that.
I was beaten for anything and everything while growing up. It didn’t matter if I did something wrong or if my siblings had, I got beat for it. I’ve since forgiven my abuser, but that’s neither here nor there. I swore to myself that when I had children, I’d never lay a hand on them in anger. If they deserved a “normal” spanking, they’d get that, but never the type of beatings that I had endured.
My 1st husband had also been abused as a child. Evidently, he didn’t promise himself not to abuse his children or me, even. He physically, emotionally and sexually abused our 3 daughters and physically and emotionally abused our son. He also physically and emotionally abused me and raped me. Yes, it’s considered rape if the other spouse says “NO”.
Anyway, after I discovered the physical abuse, I left my 1st husband. About a year later, I found out that he was sexually abusing our youngest. I never allowed him visitation after that. He never fought me on it, either. He also never spent a minute in jail for what he had put us all through.
My four children were adopted legally by my 2nd husband 2 years after we got married. Two of my kids were adults by then, but wanted my 2nd husband to be their legal dad!! All of my kids went through counseling, as did I. We’re all better and stronger for what we went through and not one of them has harmed their own children.
I guess I just wanted to make sure that others know that not every abused child grows up into a psychopath or abuser or rapist. Your victims may never forgive you, but like someone else said, you need to learn to forgive yourself and give your life over to God. God forgives everything. I guess he has greater plans for everyone, even the criminals.
Amy ~ I’m glad you took this project on. It really gave the reader insight into the thoughts of a person such as Brent. You’ll have your detractors, but maybe they just need more insight and education themselves.