I am feeling sad for the state of our country, probably because i am surrounded by its ugliest right now. Am i wrong? Are they programed to Drugs, gangs and violence and sexual exploitation because thats what they saw growing up. Was i programed to be encapable of love and compasion because of my upbringing? I know i certainly knew right from wrong. But what happens mentaly to shut that off. If you know selling this mother of 3 the meth or crack is going to get her or her kids raped or killed then how come you still do it. If i know raping this woman is wrong why do it. Why spray bullets in a house full of women and children..How do we stop us from getting there in the first place.
I look back and think man how absolutely powerless i really felt in life. Literaly small and insignificant. It’s taken a long time to realize its ok to feel the helplessness, and vulnerability. It sucks yes. But it can be dealt with. I wonder had i learned this as a child would i have developed in a different manner? Rape is sadly to easy for me up an upclose and personal crime. Its slavery at its worst i think. One forever owns his victims. An absent master of sorts. After the rape i go away, on to my life non the worse for wear but the victims forever remember me, And suffer my terror upon them, a slave to the damage i did. I have to own that a a responsibility Now. I own those scars upon their spirits. Only they can heal them but i must somehow try to prevent more men and boys from doing these things. I think about how constantly. It will probably become my insanity. How can i make a difference. What can i do now. Are there more Janes? Am i helping or hurting?
-Brent Brents 6-25-10 945 /p.m.