From a reader: I want to disclose am a survivor. I do not hide this fact. I carry no shame for what someone else did to me. However I do not typically feel the need to share the fact either. The truth is most people do not know this about me. I know that what you do as to Brent Brents revolts many people. Their response is a result of fear. When you look into the abyss … I am not sure how much if any positive feedback you receive. I wanted to tell you from the perspective of a survivor that I believe you are on to something. How can we begin to heal this epidemic if we cannot grasp any understanding of it? Keep up the good fight.
-Beau, Wednesday, Nov. 29, 2017 8:52 p.m.
Author Archives: Amy Herdy
I carry no shame for what someone else did to me
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I’m super freaky about clean
Have i told you about my air vent. Holy Shit. The Damn thing would blow a small dog all over the place. It blows right at my face when I’m sleeping. So i have to put my big green Duffle bag in front of it to keep it off my face. Problem is, it’s right next to my toilet seat. So each time i have to pee i have to move it. So i don’t splash on it. 😦 I’m super freaky about clean so get unnerved by the whole situation. I know I’m crazy. 🙂
-Brent Brents 8-16-17
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bored at two in the morning
The Library lets me check out three books a week. My problem is that i need about 20 a week the way i read. I average three in just under 24 hrs these days. Getting Slow in my old age. I found this author years ago who has several series, Action, Drama, Western, horror. All hero based. Pretty cheesy. But only one or two pages worth a book. I’m on Book Ten of a 25 book series. Well i should say done with 8, 9, 10. Get them on Wed, done by 1:00 p.m. Thur.
The mental health guy gives me super tough mazes and sudoku puzzles. So now i won’t be bored at two in the morning.
-Brent Brents 8-5-17
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You are blessed
Foggy here, how bout there? It burned off pretty quick yesterday. Good For you. Nice sunny day and evening at home w/ the pack. Damn i envy you. Do you know what i would give to ride or play with the dogs and cats. Even the coo of a calm chicken in my arms sounds good. Just to Love on an animal. You are blessed don’t Take it for granted.
-Brent Brents 6-20-17
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So now I’m wearing toilet paper man pads
So on the way here in that death trap transport truck we hit a bump in the road which threw me about a foot in the air. Next thing i know i hit my crotch from my asshole to my balls, and this terrible pain racks me down there. That was Wed. Thursday i woke up with what i know to be a cist. It was baseball size. I was in excrutiating pain. Because of my transition status i could not be taken to a hospital. Thur, Fri, Sat, no sleep and the worst pain I’ve experienced in years. Sat afternoon caboosh it explodes. Blood, pus everywhere my stool, my coveralls, socks, boxers, shoes all ruined. It’s still bleeding…I’ll have to have it rinsed from the inside out. Plus i have a one inch gash that needs suturing also from the inside out. But although the rupture was pass out painful and God awful messy the relief was instantaneous. Whew!!! So now I’m wearing toilet paper man pads to keep from bleeding every where. They are probably tired of me ruining sheets and blankets boxers and coveralls. I know horrible right!
-Brent Brents 6-19-17
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Man what a shit i am
Fuck I’m Feeling old. Greg Allmans dead, Guns N Roses are classic rock. Trump the chump is president. What the hell Else can get weird for me. But hey what else can i expect I’m an old soul and i missed my decade.
So been thinking alot about [two boys he molested] and what they are like now. I wonder if [one of them] is fucked up or if his natural compasion and Intellegence have carried him thru life and helped him get over what i did to him. [the other boy] i think will be an angry person. Not just because of me. But his whole situation. I just hope i didn’t Fuck them up too bad.
So back to [the first boy]. I’m not sure why i still care, but i do. I guess partly because i really gave a shit about him then. Plus he reminded me so much of me at that age. I just knew i fucked up so bad with him. He really trusted me and loved me. I still remember the first time he called me dad how big my heart swole up w love and pride. Man what a shit i am for hurting him like that. Poor kid was so confused about stuff. Do you know he apologized to me secretly one day for telling. God what a bastard i was. I just hope he became a good man w/out all those poisons i had as i grew up. I realy tried to love him right.
-Brent Brents 6-11-17
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no more OCD meds means the bugs will come back
Oh did i tell you i have no more hair? Yes i broke down and had it all cut off. It is so hard to care for in the hole and well, no more OCD meds means the bugs will come back and I’ll itch myself to death. (The bugs are already back.) I”m already itching badly. Damn Bugs 😦
I’m running around with half of a Right eye brow. 🙂 HA! No OCD Meds! It’s been tuff no doubt. Alot of Anxiety, Boredom, and eating out of Both. I really have to watch the mania. But at least i get to talk to my counselor every two weeks. It really helps. Alot more than the every 90 days.
-Brent Brents 6-5-17
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Survivor: “I have been trying to find the courage to speak about having compassion for perpetrators of violence”
Comment:Â Hi Amy Herdy,
Your Ted talk led me to this website. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I want to thank you so much everything that you have brought to light in the talk and in writing, as I feel that it is something that needs to be said. I have been trying to find the courage to speak about having compassion for perpetrators of violence like this, because while it is hard to learn to forgive, there is a fact that I truly believe in: every person who does harm has been harmed.
I strongly believe this because of the stories I was told throughout my childhood by people who abused me. Almost every single one of them had a story about being abused as children, and they would often tell it to justify why they were hurting us. As a child, I was “trained” in very specific ways in how to abuse other children and in how to recruit children to bring back to sick adults to be abused. I have watched cousins and childhood friends turn to addiction and take on masks of mental illness to try to disguise what happened to us as children.
The reason that I feel compassion in spite of the anger about my life, is that, had it not been for a couple of extremely loving adults in my childhood who balanced out the pain, I cannot say that I would have turned out any differently than those who abused me. I experienced abuse as a sickness that is passed from generation to generation or from person to person. The difference with sexual abuse is that, unlike having a leg cut off and bleeding all over the place for the world to see, it is something that is so stigmatized and set in the category of “sexual.”
Knowledge of healthy sexual relationships isn’t something that children are typically exposed to as it is. But this is not a “sexual” thing. It is a “power” thing. In my experience, sexual abuse has more to do with one person feeling so powerless in themselves that the only way that they feel like they can have any sense of power in life is through taking advantage of others who are more vulnerable to them. This is the sickness.
In our society, we treat the symptoms of this sickness by throwing perpetrators and victims in jail, instead of trying the much simpler path of prevention. It makes way more sense to help children than to try to patch together broken adults. Thanks again for your work.
-Hannah
Time: June 29, 2017 at 6:42 pm
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Diary of a Predator 
grab the faces of people who choose to look away from the abuse and exploitation of children
Dear Amy, thank you for your profound and powerful contribution. I watched your you tube video and read the blog and was profoundly moved by the courage of both yourself and Brent. Having experienced rape, it has brought me to a place of forgiveness both for the rapists, those who I’ve blamed as enablers of rape and finally myself. I have no idea where this comes from, and it may sound perverse to some, but I believe the world is a better place because Brent is in it, to shake up the status quo, to speak out about abuse, to grab the faces of people who choose to look away from the abuse and exploitation of children.
However hard a lesson he has brought to the world, a powerful lesson it is. And it is because of this that I right in concern for his welfare. Having read the last couple of entries that he’s sent to you, the tone feels different and I may be way off the mark but it may be idea to check if he has intentions of suicide. He may not have the means, so is probably safe but to ask the question all the same.. From someone who has had experiences of feeling hopelessness, and sensing it in others drives me to take action to prevent someone ending their life. There’s always possibility for a person in life (of goodness, inspiration, love etc), that possibility ends abruptly in death and the pain doesn’t end. It is merely transferred to others. Apologies if this is a waste of your time; however, I don’t apologise if I’m wrong and have misunderstood his writing – I’d rather check that live with regret. With best wishes to you and to Brent.
–Emily, Southwest England.
September 12, 2017
Hello, Emily,
I did not think you would mind–I sent the content of your message (with your first name only) to Brent Brents, and he replied.
If you want to read his response–he was grateful-it’s copy and pasted below.
I would like to post your letter and his response on the website if that’s OK with you, using your first name only and that you are from Southwest, England.
Let me know if that’s OK.
Take care,
–Amy
September 13, 2017
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Hello, Amy, Absolutely, I trust your judgement…
–Emily
January 11, 2017
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Tagged as abuse, Brent Brents, Brents, children, depression, exploitation, hopelessness, manic depression, rape, rapist, rapists, suicide