Tag Archives: Brents

by | March 13, 2014 · 11:06 am

if i block out their cries

Note from Amy–See the previous post. Brent Brents was captured in February 2005 after one final crime spree during Valentine’s Day weekend when he committed several rapes. He is referring to that here as well.

So February went quick for me this year. I still struggle w/ the memories, shame and guilt. I still won’t give up the memories, I’m pretty sure if i block out their cries, and looks of pain i would be avoiding whats most important. Empathy.

I do confess I don’t know alot about it, but i am growing into a man who feels other peoples pain.

-Brent Brents 2-24-14

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | March 1, 2014 · 1:05 pm

So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice

Note from Amy: Brent Brent’s last vicious crime spree happened the weekend of Valentine’s Day, 2005, during which he raped several victims, including a grandmother and her two granddaughters. I can’t imagine what the horror of that anniversary means to those survivors. It also fills Brents with self loathing, and it’s the significance of that date he’s referring to in the following excerpt from a recent letter, posted here exactly as he wrote it:

So it’s grow up time. Each year at this time i just shut off. Thats really childish i think. Why Not face it all. Deal with what i feel and accept the discomfort. I can still picture it all and it has become a painfull thing to see what i did to those i hurt.

Disconnect is easy.

So This weekend i spoke to a friend at her urging and at length. 9 years i guess seems like a long time. And makes it easier to ignore. But it isn’t easy at all. Decisons and things i chose to do still don’t make since. One of the worst and most personally painfull is playing God. Choosing one persons life over another. There was No sense in it that Night and i can’t find any now. So i feel the pain of those i hurt.

I knew it as a child, carried it with me into a disfunction adulthood, and used it to justify violence hatred and cruelty. I see shows on TV where people are hurt in the ways i hurt people. I feel like i can’t breath because i ache For them and their loved ones. It doesn’t feel good at all to know i caused This feeling to so many people thruout my life.

So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice when it comes to being responsible for what i have done.

-Brent Brents 2-20-14

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | February 23, 2014 · 12:12 pm

what child abuse is doing to our society

Note from Amy:

A book club in Iowa recently read Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and then reached out to me through this Diary of a Predator website to see if I would answer questions by phone during their book discussion. I did, and found them to be a very thoughtful and engaged group of women. Shortly afterward, one of them sent me this message:

Thank you, Amy, for the phone conversation with our book club. Thank you for writing Brent’s story. It was hard to read, but everyone should read it and try to understand what child abuse is doing to our society. You wrote so well that we all can gain knowledge and have hope that it will make a difference. Thank you.

-Delores

1 Comment

Filed under The story

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

by | February 6, 2014 · 11:20 am

The beatings, and fear, and rape that permiated my life

So It was pretty cold the other Night. And I woke up cold and having to pee. And immediately went back to my childhood. How i would wake up cold and wet and in fear of him either catching in the bathroom, wanting a blow job, or finding out i wet the bed.

The beatings, and fear, and rape that permiated my life back then. It’s surprising what can trigger those memories. And even now I still wake with a start Now and then. Feeling that old fear, even though I haven’t wet the bed since i was 13.

And I’m still able to know that old feeling of fear angers Me. It’s Vulnerable and i don’t like it. No One does, I forget that sometimes. And i get wrapped up in my own head and emotions, So i forget that I’ve caused so many others these same emotions.

I always hope that those i hurt are able to forget me and live free of the hell that myself and others cause thru rape and abuse.

-Brent Brents 1-26-14

1 Comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , , , , ,

by | February 5, 2014 · 11:14 am

what motivates these monsters

Note from Amy: The following comment was sent on Febuary 5 to this Diary of a Predator website, and is exactly the reason why I wrote the book:

Thank you more than I can tell you for all you are doing. I just told my dear wife of many years how excited I was to find your website. I too was violently, repeatedly abused by both parents – and by others – as a preschooler. I do not understand how, by God’s mercy and grace alone, I escaped becoming an abuser like B B [Brent Brents]. Whenever people say, “Nobody can understand what motivates these monsters.”, I shudder and think, “I can. I wish I couldn’t, but I can.” God bless you as you continue your work of kindness, compassion , understanding and hope for damaged human beings.

-Chris

Leave a comment

Filed under The story

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | January 8, 2014 · 9:32 pm

I can’t change the past

Note from Amy: In November, the following question was sent to me by a reader through this website, Diary of a Predator:

I do have a question for Brent. Since prison is punishment and supposed to help prevent crimes as a deterrent, do you think it is fair ( yes, I know nothing is fair) that you were granted an identity change and transfer in exchange for admitting guilt for what you had done?  The victims were not granted anything special and their identities are easily found on the internet. Do you feel that your punishment should be met with honesty, even if that means you will be targeted?

I conveyed the question to Brents, and this week I received his reply in the mail:

So i have been asked to answer whether or not the out of state housing stipulation is fair or Not. Well first let me say that no matter what Mitch Morrissey is telling people, I’m Not doing easy time. I’m doing the same administrative segragation time i would be doing in Colorado. Acutaly i have less privaledges here. Too bad huh.

So am i being to those i victimized. I believe there is Nothing fair about what i did, Nor can I ever do enough to be fair. So No, Not yesterday, today, or in the future. I stick to the process of staying out of arguing fair or unfair.

The bottom line is, how can i best serve out The justice those i hurt deserve. I believe spending each day for the rest of my life, aware of what i have done. The evil, The pain, The wrecking of people’s lives. And working w/ Amy on this web site. I can’t change the past, but i can hopefully help change the future. At least i am trying to do some good. Most sexual offenders go to prison and don’t care about what or who they hurt. Or do anything to make themselves better.

Brent Brents 12-15-13

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

by | November 20, 2013 · 9:00 am

many sexual offenders abuse animals

Oh before i forget…Animalabusers.org. Animal legal defense fund. Ok I encluded this one because many sexual offenders Abuse animals in their youth and on into adulthood. I didn’t know for sure if you would see this as relavent. I can tell you in most of the sexual offender groups i have been about half the men and kids admitted to violently abusing animals. Myself encluded.

There has also been a great deal of research into Animal Violence and criminal behavior. I had a rage even back then, that cruel and saddistic. It scared the hell out of me. Poor cat paid one hell of a price for my rage.

-Brent Brents 10-11-13

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

by | November 18, 2013 · 9:00 am

i choose to face my evils

It’s difficult enough to hold myself accountable each day. It’s hard Not to say fuck it i quit, screw everyone. But i choose to face my evils each and every day. But sometimes i need a feel good, a break. Otherwise i would go more insane and bitter without the breaks.

-Brent Brents 11-2-13

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , ,

by | November 16, 2013 · 8:58 pm

the shakedown experience

Sometimes I feel unable to express how things like that really do take a toll on our psychy. Often people who search our cells don’t understand that these are our homes and we feel violated when our cells get tore up…Yes there is a need to extract dangerous contraband knives, drugs, etc. But one extra sugar pack is just fucking petty and says alot about the person doing the shake down. Petty vindictive and hateful.

-Brent Brents 10-27-13

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

by | November 7, 2013 · 9:38 pm

angry men

OK So Nothing changes in here the walls are still here. There is still the echo of slamming doors. The bullshit war stories and verbal wars between opposing gangs and angry men. Same O. Same O.

Brent Brents 10-6-2013

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

Tagged as , ,