So i had this dream. You were holding my head (still attached). I had died. But i had lived a long time. We were in our 70s. You Kept whispering we made a difference. You were sad but in your heart you were sure we had done what we had set out to do all those years ago. It wasn’t a bad dream.
Brent Brents on 1-20-13, referring to the purpose of the book Diary of a Predator: A Memoir.
Category Archives: Brents' writings
my head (still attached)
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Not that it makes me different
I still can’t wrap my head around that Kid killing all those Kids in Connecticut. Yes he is a Kid. It’s the same in ability to reason…The guy (young man) who did the killings in Aurora. What is it that allows a human being to disconect from humanity So severely. I didn’t plan anything Not that it makes me different…The human Brain is really fucked up.
Brent Brents 1-6-13
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i fight the good fight
Hey i got the card you sent me. You are a blessing to me Amy. I’m alive today because of you. You’ve taught me a great deal about being a good human being. I do struggle with some things, but i fight the good fight because you inspire me to do so.
-Brent Brents 12-25-12
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a lifetime making others feel what i feel
My jaw is still hurting. Not Much i can do there. I see the dentists each Friday until it’s healed. I wish i could make them feel what i feel. But i spent a lifetime making others feel what i feel. And we know how that worked out.
-Brent Brents 11-4-12
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like a train roaring through my head
“Violence ‘speaks’ of an intolerable condition of human shame and rage, a blinding rage that speaks through the body.” –James Gilligan, author of Violence: Reflections On A National Epidemic
When Margaret fought back I became almost overjoyed. I
literally could feel my Blood rushing into my head it sound
like a train roaring through my head . . . it was hitting her
in the back of the head that was getting me off . . . remember
seeing a meat cleaver on the counter and thought it would
realy feel good to smash her skull. Then I like woke up and
was totally different . . . how fucked up is that.
—From Brent Brent’s journal, as featured in Diary of a Predator: A Memoir
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i like who i am now
So i am glad you liked my writing on grief. The first few times I tried to write it, it just didn’t feel natural. It was either whining or blaming. It is an amazing thing to see where i once was Mentaly and how i percieved Things like grief and empathy. I had so much hate. And you know i like who i am now.
-Brent Brents 10-21-12
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the early stages of withdrawal
Sorry i just bugged out last night. I am in the early stages of withdrawal. They accidentally let my prescription for one of my Meds lapse so I’ve been out since Wednesday, that’s 3 days cold turkey…And well you know. Mainline Me please.
Brent Brents 10-22-12
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Karma
Sure theres a good guy in here. One whose kind and sensitive,
Caring, understanding Outgoing athletic, funny. A Man Who
Loves Life. An man who enjoys the beauty of the world, Art,
history, places, people. Yet I can’t get past my brain.
Like I said Karma is a motherfucker and Its Lookin me
full in the face.
Now I only have one true regret. I never gave anyone
the chance to love the real me. Had I done that and been
courageous years ago maybe Just maybe Tiffany would have
found an empty apartment. And the countless others would
never have suffered my destruction.
—From Brent Brent’s journal
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the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy
OK I wrote this thing on grief. Hopefully it makes Sense. I didn’t write it until i felt it was Natural and Not forced. I know i don’t think or see feelings like most people. So i can’t force things.
Grief.
Like empathy its an emotion i struggle with. I have grief for lost grandparents and friends, and even pets.
I have a guilt about Grieving for my lost childhood, due to the abuse i went thru. I became a sexual being much to soon, so i lost the discover that comes with a young man’s virginity. I also did cause others to go thru the same grief.
My years in school were Not pleasant. I really Miss Not having a Normal school life. I wanted to be in 4H and play baseball, and football, go to prom, Graduate, and eventually go to College. But i was literaly to stoopid to go to college.
Oh I’m Not feeling sorry about school. I simply grieve the growth i missed. I educated myself acedmecly during my years in prison. OK so i need spell check to be installed in my brain on a permanent basis. But i feel good that i have a much wider education than many kids get today. And I am sad for them.
With my educational growth as a young adult i also grew emotionaly. The bad part is i embraced distructive emotions. These emotions Blocked me from being rational. I couldn’t be empathetic, or grieve normaly. Anger and rage, selfishness and refusal to take off my blinders, Black and White thinking, Abusive behavior etc. These I used to protect myself from the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy. The Simple ability to feel anything other than self loathing and hatred for others.
Once i started letting myself experience grief without an anchor or rage or hatred, I was litteraly able to take a deep breath and release it, and know I’m OK.
So when i hear a story or see a TV show about something i missed in life, I know its ok to Grieve for it and not Let rage and hatred control my reactions.
So I may be wierd because i like grief. But liking it rather than Not being able to breathe, because i can’t get past rage and hatred. Yea i can live with being ok with grief and the natural feelings it causes.
Brent Brents 10-14-12
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Reader Questions: Does Brent Brents Believe in God? Has He Apologized?
Note from Amy: Earlier this month I received a couple of questions to this website, Diary of a Predator, which I forwarded to Brent Brents. I received his answer today by mail, so here are the questions from the reader, and below that, my reply and Brents’.
-Amy
Hello Amy Herdy,
I wonder if you’ll ever meet others.
One question–you or Brent Brents believe in God?
He already apologized to God or to the families he destroyed?
Sincerely,
Daniel Costa
Hi, Daniel,
Thanks for writing. In answer to your first question–I have interviewed other sexual offenders over the years, although none as predatory as Brents.
As for your second question-I do believe in a higher power, albeit not necessarily a traditional one. I write about that in the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir.
And here is what Brent Brents wrote:
Q: Do I believe in God?
A: Simply Yes. I practice the Catholic faith (much to learn).
Q: Have i apologized to God or the Families i have destroyed?
A: I have asked God for his forgiveness and Mercy. As for the families, I have but i have Never expected any of them to accept my apologies. Instead i work at being a better human being, and i pray For them daily.
To Return to Q #1: I find this quote sums up faith:
“For i do Not seek to understand that i May believe, but i believe in order to understand. For this also i believe: That unless i believe, I will not understand.” –Saint Anselm
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Diary of a Predator 