abusive | Diary of a Predator

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by Amy Herdy | July 24, 2013 · 8:31 am

More Reader Response: if a kid is being abused…something needs to be done

Note from Amy: The following comment was sent by someone other than the first two readers regarding this thread started by the woman in Amsterdam:

This may be a more comprehensible translation:

” One always has a choice between good or evil, regardless of being a victim or not. If people didn’t have that choice half the world would be in jail. So this is complete nonsense.
To people like Brent Brents: begone, all you are is a financial burden to society.”

It could be turned around as well. It’s easy to say you always have a choice, if you yourself have not been growing up in a household where violence and rape is a daily routine.

I myself have been blessed with a very happy childhood. Being loved and being cared about was a normal every day situation for me. I was raised by parents who had certain values and standards. And as a result I turned out pretty normal (I think). I work hard and I try and be a good person. I’ve never committed a crime in my life nor am I planning to do so in the future.

I am not saying I would be a horrible serial killer if I had been raised by abusive parents. I’m saying the chances of me being a good person would be slimmer. I strongly believe an adult’s personality is the result of nature and nurture. You are born with certain personality traits and the development during your child and teen years shape the rest of your personality.

Two people might be born with an addictive personality. One grows up in a loving family, the other by an abusive one. One of those becomes a smoker, the other gets hooked on the thrill of committing crimes.

Then again, your parents being shipped off to jail and then having to live in foster homes and such might also be fairly traumatic.

We will never know if Brents actions could have been prevented by actively doing something about his home situation. But hell, if a kid is being abused by his parents I think we can all at least agree, something needs to be done about that.

Do not get me wrong: Brents SHOULD be in jail for the horrible things he has done. But it’s good that there’s a discussion on this website. It means people are actively thinking about the issue. Which means they might act when they see a child in need and perhaps even prevent that child from becoming abusive in their adulthood.

the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy

OK I wrote this thing on grief. Hopefully it makes Sense. I didn’t write it until i felt it was Natural and Not forced. I know i don’t think or see feelings like most people. So i can’t force things.

Grief.

Like empathy its an emotion i struggle with. I have grief for lost grandparents and friends, and even pets.

I have a guilt about Grieving for my lost childhood, due to the abuse i went thru. I became a sexual being much to soon, so i lost the discover that comes with a young man’s virginity. I also did cause others to go thru the same grief.

My years in school were Not pleasant. I really Miss Not having a Normal school life. I wanted to be in 4H and play baseball, and football, go to prom, Graduate, and eventually go to College. But i was literaly to stoopid to go to college.

Oh I’m Not feeling sorry about school. I simply grieve the growth i missed. I educated myself acedmecly during my years in prison. OK so i need spell check to be installed in my brain on a permanent basis. But i feel good that i have a much wider education than many kids get today. And I am sad for them.

With my educational growth as a young adult i also grew emotionaly. The bad part is i embraced distructive emotions. These emotions Blocked me from being rational. I couldn’t be empathetic, or grieve normaly. Anger and rage, selfishness and refusal to take off my blinders, Black and White thinking, Abusive behavior etc. These I used to protect myself from the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy. The Simple ability to feel anything other than self loathing and hatred for others.

Once i started letting myself experience grief without an anchor or rage or hatred, I was litteraly able to take a deep breath and release it, and know I’m OK.

So when i hear a story or see a TV show about something i missed in life, I know its ok to Grieve for it and not Let rage and hatred control my reactions.

So I may be wierd because i like grief. But liking it rather than Not being able to breathe, because i can’t get past rage and hatred. Yea i can live with being ok with grief and the natural feelings it causes.

Brent Brents 10-14-12