Talk about letting cowardess, bitterness, and hate as well as fear run a life. My greatest hope is this: For all those i hurt Not to turn outwardly the anger, and hate, and fear i caused onto others.
-Brent Brents 7-23-14
Tag Archives: anger
My greatest hope
Note from Amy:
In July 2005 Brent Brents pleaded guilty to dozens of charges relating to several different cases, including kidnapping and sexual assault, and received a prison sentence of more than 1,500 years.
As the anniversary of his sentencing approached this year, he wrote of struggling with depression and self hatred. In the following excerpt from one of his letters, he is referring to the words spoken at his sentencing hearing by several of the women from those cases.
“Those words of theirs Never leave me. Those words from their anger and hurts are my most harsh punishment.”
Brent Brents 7-22-13
Filed under The story
the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy
OK I wrote this thing on grief. Hopefully it makes Sense. I didn’t write it until i felt it was Natural and Not forced. I know i don’t think or see feelings like most people. So i can’t force things.
Like empathy its an emotion i struggle with. I have grief for lost grandparents and friends, and even pets.
I have a guilt about Grieving for my lost childhood, due to the abuse i went thru. I became a sexual being much to soon, so i lost the discover that comes with a young man’s virginity. I also did cause others to go thru the same grief.
My years in school were Not pleasant. I really Miss Not having a Normal school life. I wanted to be in 4H and play baseball, and football, go to prom, Graduate, and eventually go to College. But i was literaly to stoopid to go to college.
Oh I’m Not feeling sorry about school. I simply grieve the growth i missed. I educated myself acedmecly during my years in prison. OK so i need spell check to be installed in my brain on a permanent basis. But i feel good that i have a much wider education than many kids get today. And I am sad for them.
With my educational growth as a young adult i also grew emotionaly. The bad part is i embraced distructive emotions. These emotions Blocked me from being rational. I couldn’t be empathetic, or grieve normaly. Anger and rage, selfishness and refusal to take off my blinders, Black and White thinking, Abusive behavior etc. These I used to protect myself from the real threats of Grief, heartbreak, empathy. The Simple ability to feel anything other than self loathing and hatred for others.
Once i started letting myself experience grief without an anchor or rage or hatred, I was litteraly able to take a deep breath and release it, and know I’m OK.
So when i hear a story or see a TV show about something i missed in life, I know its ok to Grieve for it and not Let rage and hatred control my reactions.
So I may be wierd because i like grief. But liking it rather than Not being able to breathe, because i can’t get past rage and hatred. Yea i can live with being ok with grief and the natural feelings it causes.
Brent Brents 10-14-12
failed relationships won’t Kill me
Trust was like a big hole in my chest that sucked all of my sanity in with any sense i had. And any control i felt i had went into that hole to. And Being out of control sucked.
Now i don’t feel out of control when i choose to trust in someone. Although i am still weary of peoples motives and their agendas. I don’t sabatoge before i see for myself what they want or need.
I’ve learned that failed relationships won’t Kill me. And even if someone hurts me or ridicules me, I don’t have to respond with anger or violence.
Brent Brents 3-25-12