Tag Archives: Brents

Amsterdam Reader: I am interested in understanding perpetrators of violent crimes

Note from Amy: It’s always gratifying to receive encouraging notes like the one below sent from the Netherlands to this Diary of a Predator website after the viewer saw the Paula Zahn show about the Brent Brents serial rapist case. She asks an evocative question at the end:

Dear Amy,

I saw the segment on Paula Zahn yesterday and couldn’t get you and Brents out of my mind. I frequently have heated discussions with my partner when I am interested in understanding perpetrators of violent crimes, particularly crimes against women. All too often we are confused with being “soft” or “sympathetic.”

You are the first person I have encountered, other than Sr. Mary Prejean, who has a religious motivation, that wants to try understand perpetrators. I agree with the statement “hate the sin, but not the sinner.”

Bravo on your efforts! Where were all the Christians when he (Brent Brents) was being abused?

Sincerely, Theresa

Time: July 13, 2013 at 6:42 am

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Reader: “Sociopath” should not be used as a moral weakness

A reader from Edmonton, Alberta sent the following comment to this Diary of a Predator website:

Firstly, Amy I would like to commend you on your work. I saw the story on Investigative Discovery. I hope that you can pass onto Brent Brents that I do not believe he is a monster.

I do think believe mental health issues need to be addressed more than anything. The word “Sociopath” should not be used as a moral weakness. It should be seen as an opportunity to help a person. It IS a sickness – just like cancer.

I suffer with Borderline personality disorder. One of the most difficult disorders to diagnose.

Just to add I am not a doctor by any means but I can bet Brent Brents’ being diagnosed as a sociopath may actually be an inaccurate diagnosis. Even if he is diagnosed a sociopath then why wasn’t he helped. Why is the word sociopath considered a moral weakness – yet people who are depressed or bi-polar are treated like porcelain?

Just my thoughts. -Holly

Time: July 2, 2013 at 1:04 pm

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Reader: It takes courage

Note from Amy: The following comment was sent to this website about the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which is about the case of serial rapist Brent Brents and how covering the case impacted my life.

Comment: I just purchased your book from Amazon.com. I was interested in it after watching Brent’s story this morning. I admire your courage. It takes courage to decide to do what your heart tells you to do regardless of what other people think. You knew you would be judged even though you chose not to judge Brent. That is what makes you remarkable. Always remember that. I want to read this book before I comment further.

I am a survivor of the 1950s foster care system. I wrote a book about it: Survival of the Fittest…One Child’s Life in the Foster Care System. My family’s response? Anger, even though I changed all of the names. But, writing that book saved me really. I was angry all of my life until I wrote that book.

Take care, Amy and God’s speed.

Time: Wednesday June 5, 2013 at 7:01 am

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Chemical Castration

Well my only real issue lately is my OCD. It’s real real hard (No Pun intended) to Not want to masturbate or Push the fantacies out of my head. I can’t masturbate because of the meds anyway. Chemical Castration so to speak. You might i would be sad or upset by that. Honestly No I couldn’t be happier about that part of my life. It sure makes it easier to push the fantacies aside and eases the compulsion to masturbate or wash my hands every 5 minutes. Because I equate the fantacies with dirty hands.

-Brent Brents 3-13-2013

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little tortured boys don’t just disappear

Note from Amy: I got a very thoughtful email last year from a woman who is working on her master’s in counseling psychology. She had seen me on the Paula Zahn show on Investigation Discovery about the Brent Brents’ case, and wrote to offer her support of my work.

Now she’s doing some work of her own, through an excellent blog called The Feminist Rag–and I offer praise of it not just because she recently wrote a very nice blog about my work on Brents, but because she has insightful and interesting things to say. I began reading James Gilligan’s book Violence on her recommendation, and have learned so much from it. That book articulates so well the underlying causes of violence in our culture and why conventional solutions have failed to stem its tide.

Since the author of The Feminist Rag doesn’t give her name on her website, I won’t reveal it here. Below is an excerpt of what she wrote about her reactions to Diary of a Predator: A  Memoir, in addition to some very kind things about my ongoing work which were gratifying to hear.

From The Feminist Rag:

Reading Amy’s book is not for the light-hearted; it took me on an INTENSE emotional roller coaster that had me wrestling with all kinds of conflicting feelings like disgust, terror, empathy and despair as I learned of  Brent’s childhood, which was filled with unspeakable child abuse which, unsurprisingly and all too commonly, resulted in a full blown sadistic, out of control, violent, sociopathic man.

Alongside my disgust, despair, and terror, I also found myself feeling empathy for Brent because little tortured boys don’t just disappear, they slowly morph into violent adult men.  This is not to say that ALL abused boys turn into sadistic men, but some do, it’s simply how life works — everyone copes differently with the inner hell such a childhood creates. Read more

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if he was raised with a better family?

This message arrived today to this website, Diary of a Predator, after the Investigation Discovery episode regarding serial rapist Brent Brents and my coverage of his case apparently aired in South America:

Greetings Ms. Herdy,

My name is Eddie, I am from Costa Rica. I want to say first that you are my idol, how you don´t give up and keep looking the truth. Is very important what you did because you saw a human being with problems not a monster.

I want to ask you one question do you believe that Brent´s life could be different if he was raised with a better family?

He was not born with problems and dark wishes–a result of his breeding?

Thank you so much for your time, my best wishes in your life.

Dear Eddie,

Thank you for writing, and for your kind words.

I will tell you what Brent Brents has often told me: Had he been removed from the home and not horrifically abused for years,  he believes he would have turned out very differently.  And that’s not to avoid his responsibility. He absolutely made the choices to inflict the great harm that he did. That being said, his behavior mirrored what was done to him.

Also, there are multiple accounts that indicate his father was a psychopath, and research has shown that a psychopath’s brain is different from brains that are considered “normal,” so it is possible he inherited a genetic predisposition toward a lack of empathy and impulse control. Plus, he suffered brain damage at the hands of his father.

Of course, we will never know–but I do think that had Brent Brents been raised in a loving environment, and not systematically abused, he would have had a much greater chance to become a healthy, productive person. I like to think there’s hope for every child, and he was a child once.

Thanks for writing.
Amy

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the child of a monster

It’s not often that I’m floored by a comment to this website. But I was stunned by this one, addressed to Brent from a woman who identified herself as Shelley:

” i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my genetics.You made a choice to become what you are. We all have a past we must deal with. Some of us talk or cry and some of us Brents relive the crimes that were done to us on others. you made a choice.”

I emailed Shelley, and she emailed back, and then we talked on the phone–and yes, she is legit–she is Brent Brent’s half sister.    And I told her that I agree with her, and that Brent has said the same on many occasions–that he made his choices.

As for Shelley–she is an amazing person–resilient, smart, and kind. She has her own story to tell, and it’s horrifying and it’s tragic, but she survived. I’ll let Shelley decide what she wants to share. The bottom line is, she chose a different life, and didn’t let its beginning define her.

It’s heartening to me that people like Shelley exist.

-Amy

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Reader question: How can I avoid being hurt by someone like Brents?

I got an email from someone who’s about halfway through reading Diary of a Predator: A Memoir  that said, “The book is fascinating, but it also scares me to death.”

Toward that end, the young woman said,  “I’d like to know from these kinds of folks what the best way is to avoid being hurt by them.

“And I’d like to know that from you, too. What do you see are the steps women in particular can take to avoid being victimized and brutalized? Brents attacked these people in their own homes. Did those people leave their doors unlocked? Was there ANY WAY the attack could have been prevented? And he didn’t just attack young people. Or single people.

“It’s just terrifying, and I’m really really hoping that by the end of the book I will have found some answer as to how I can make sure
that never happens to me, because honestly, that’s precisely why I’m reading this book. To figure out how to live a peaceful, happy life free from horrific and brutal terror. I’m reading it to inform myself about how to keep people like Brents as far away from me as humanly possible, and how to counsel those I love to do the same. What are your thoughts?”

And this was my reply:

As for prevention, awareness and precautions–there is not a special section of the book that I devote to that. The entire book itself is really a cautionary tale of awareness, but to have put a how-to section in it would totally change the genre and halt the pace. It’s a dual memoir. As such, the story unfolds.

And if it fills you with such fear, then I would suggest that you’re probably missing the overall message, which is one of compassion and that we are all, ultimately, responsible for each other…
Yes, his case is terrifying. And yes, his utter lack of regard for humanity and the fact he was such a predator is what makes it so uncomfortable to read. No, there is nothing his victims could have done to prevent his attacks or fight him off–the scenarios that play out in the book illustrate that, time and again. Also, I chose not to explore that because that starts to sound like victim blaming–What could they have done to prevent their attack? Nothing, absolutely nothing; not a locked door, or a weapon, or any amount of pleas would have kept anyone safe from him when he was on a rampage.
Which is why we are left with the bigger question, which I explore at the end, of How do we prevent someone like him from existing? That’s the bigger question that takes into account a bigger picture.
As for your specific, concrete safety concerns, I can tell you what I’ve learned from many conversations with Brents and other criminals like him: Always lock your doors and windows at home, and never leave your car unlocked. Always be aware of your surroundings. Listen to your gut (that one should actually go first).
And since sadists like him are calculated to be only about 2 percent of all rapists–I would fight like hell (note from Amy here–that’s my personal opinion, and not one espoused by law enforcement).
He told me once that the best way to fight off someone like him is to draw as much blood as possible in the first thirty seconds and that if that doesn’t do it, then give up, because it will only motivate him more.
Last, get a dog. I’ve been a crime reporter for 20 years and I can tell you that all the criminals will agree–a barking dog is a deterrent.

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Viewer: Acts Were Monstrous, He Is Not

Dear Amy:

My name is Natasha and I just finished watching ‘On the Case with Paula Zahn’ about the Brents story and had to look you up because you’re awesome, and you need to be thanked on behalf of society for being an exceptional human being who obviously genuinely cares & wants to make this diseased culture healthier.

I am currently studying for my Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology and have had a particular interest in sexual predators for years.  I come at it from a similar place that you do — your answers to Paula Zahn’s questions were almost verbatim what mine were when I was talking back to the TV.  I am very excited to order your book (Diary of a Predator: A Memoir) from Amazon (I live in Canada) and learning more about this CRITICAL work you have done with/about Brents, and I hope people will suspend their judgment and really try to understand how sadists are created because this is the ONLY way we can put an end to this kind of suffering.

Next time you write to Brents, can you please thank him for letting the public into his  life through you, and let him know that there are others who empathize with him and agree with you that his acts were monstrous, but he was/is not?  Thank you.

Sincerely & Respectfully,
Natasha

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How do we help the Margarets of the world?

When producers with Investigation Discovery called Margaret for an interview, she told them she would feel more comfortable if I was there. I had interviewed Margaret for a story in February 2005, shortly after she was raped and beaten by Brent Brents in her home. He had stalked her for three days, and attacked her as she returned home from a walk. At the time of that first interview, she still had bruises on her face and throat from where he hit and choked her.

Margaret and I talked often while her case wound its way through the court system. During a hearing in Aurora in July 2005, Brents pleaded guilty to Margaret’s attack and also to molesting a little boy.

The day of the hearing, Margaret astounded me when she asked me to deliver a message to Brents for her: “Tell him I forgive him.”

After it all ended, we would call each other from from time to time, and she would update me on her life since the assault. It’s been a constant struggle. I have tried to help Margaret in small ways–by lending an ear, offering encouragement or helping her find resources, such as how to get her dog recognized as an emotional support dog because she needs him to be able to go out in public.

I don’t think most people, unless they are a survivor themselves, ever truly realize how hard it can be to piece one’s life back together after a sexual assault. So here are Margaret’s words that I wrote down before that interview with her a few weeks ago, describing the hell she’s been through and her own personal journey to try to not hate the man who took so much from her:

Now I feel like I should crawl in a hole and hide my face. One advocate told me that she’d been raped at 15. She fussed at me that I should help my husband pack up our things because I didn’t want to stay in the house anymore. One victim advocate told me that the way I looked caused him to attack me–that I was small, vulnerable. I felt like after that it was my fault. She told me, ‘You’re going overboard with this.’ I started crying, ‘I’m sorry, this is the way I feel right now, I can’t help it.’ I felt like I was just a monster, too.

Someone told my husband, ‘What was she thinking taking the RTD (bus)?’ It was my fault for looking dumb and short and small. That I look like a victim.

I’m not feeling bad for the man who tried to kill me but for the little boy who had the same thing that happened to him.

I’m always scared. Always jumpy. I’m treated differently everywhere I go.

I’m not the same person any more.

In my dreams, it’s like I have to save him.  It wasn’t the way he was born. What can a little boy do when his mother and father treat him that way?

I never think that little boy says, ‘This is what I want to do for the rest of my life.’ I’m sure he wasn’t doing that because it made him happy. And he’s still a person. I’m not going to say he’s an animal.

If it was me, I would want people to try to help me or try to listen to me and not look at me like I’m an animal or a monster.

When you hate somebody, it’s always there, torturing you. I’m not about to be judging anybody.

What would I say to other victims? Stay busy. Forgive. Forget. Because if you hate somebody, you’re never gonna get cured, ever. The best thing to do is forgive.

Hating is not hard. If I go on hating the person for what happened to me I will never get over it. I have to forgive in order to forget and move on.

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