So yes i’m stressed out big time. I’m the only sex offender in this pod. There are 5 guys who tolerate me, the rest would like to fuck me up, Their words.
Well i promised you i’d not fight back if i could help it. But if someone comes in my cell i might have to. I will try awful hard Amy. But if its a matter of getting hurt real bad, i’ll have to protect myself. U know my faith, i’ll turn the other cheek if i can. Hell i’ll even run from the fight if i have to. 🙂
My fear is not about getting beat up for a minute or so. Its losing every thing i’ve worked for… staying off admins ” screw up ” radar. I just want to live a quiet life.
But intel hung me out to to be a target in this ” soft ” pod. Becouse i’m not only the only sex creep, or chomo as they love to refer to me as. But some of these guys still act like they are active gang members. I could check in from the check in pod. But what would that accomplish.
I’m just tired of the hate, but i didn’t give those i hurt any choice about the hate and pain i put them thru. So why bitch and whine right. So i’ll deal w/ the sick stomach, the headaches, and constant motor mouthing and U should die looks. Besides its loud in here so i dont mind spending more time in my cell than being out in the day hall.
I just hope one of these idiots doesn’t try to bully me by stealing or taking my stuff. That will lead to violence. I will not put up w/ it period. I hate bully’s…
Dont worry i’ll curl up and or run away from a fight unless its in my cell. Thats the worriesome one as far as a fight goes. Too easy to get hurt bad.
Tag Archives: Brent
So last week i started this tv class. Victim Impact Listen and Learn. I watch the program on tv, then do the work assignments in the work book.
So to be truthfull, the work book half is boring. And doesn’t challenge my brain the way the questions i get on the blog do. They are basically like see spot get robbed at gun point, how does spot feel?
I’ve spent about 38 yrs in treatment programs of one kind or another. So the questions are too easy to answer. Spot is scared, he’s unsure of strangers, thinks he’s weak etc. He has to replace all his credit cards, drivers licence and so on.
Ok lets be real, i have a short attention span when i’m not challenged. So my answers although spot on, are w/ out much meaning. However i asked for this class. Why becouse of the video part.
The video features victims/ survivors of all types of crimes. Ranging from property crimes to rape, robbery, murder, child abuse, and domestic violence. This part challenges my mind and heart. I’m pretty new to actual empathy, and true compassion for people.
So any time i hear 1 of your/ their stories, feelings, thoughts, fears, ideas, etc. I learn from a different perspective than i did all those yrs ago. I feel the sarrow, empathy, hurt, betrayal, all of it. And am able to truly understand the impact i had on the people i hurt, their families, friends, and loved ones. The communities, law enforcement, every one.
I’m not letting it go in 1 ear and out the other. These past 10 or so yrs things really get to my heart, and i feel hurt and pain for those who suffer at the hands of criminals like me. So yes i’m doing this class as honestly as i can. The written part is getting easier as well. I still dont like the simplicity of the questions.
I do answer brutaly honest though. As w/ every thing, its the best policy in my case. Thank U to all of U who check this blog and use to help themselves and others.
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence
I’m hoping i’ll move to the pod next door this week. If not i’ve come to a place of peace w/ myself. I dont like it in here, but i’ll do absolutely every thing and any thing the right way to stay out of trouble. There is no way i’ll fuck off going to pc, [protective custody] and getting myself put back in the hole for assault will absolutely not be an option this time.
I will be a weak little sissy, curl up in a ball, run, bow down, lose face, whatever it takes to avoid violence… And my shot at Pc. Just call me a bitch, or pussy, i dont care…
So joke em if they cant take a screw. I’m mister non violent, mr clean. And dont care who likes it or not…
Man i wish i could have a dog in here. But i wouldn’t want a dog to suffer prison life. To me dogs are creatures who should have the utmost freedom and space to run and play and explore in. I wouldn’t want to be a prison dog. Its bad enough we pretty much get treated like them.
-Brent Brents 5-27-18
Going for the old hose up my ass here in a few hours. Its been one miserable fricken day. Tell you about it later. Also i’m moving…its a progressive move. Ok gotta go poop. Later tater…
So i got drilled. Dont know the results, was way too groggy, forgot to ask. So now i wait for a month to find out whether theres any thing wrong or not.
Ok yesterday was horribly humiliating. I took the flush out pills, then drank 3/4 of a gallon of the flush out juice. Came back to my cell. The C/Os gassed 7 guys in the pod next to mine. Well my cell was the closest one to the gas. I’m oc restricted because of my COPD.
Well they put me in the exercise room, ( NO TOILET ) in there. Remember i’ve already started the flush out process. Long Story short, i shit myself. They refused to take me any where there was a toilet. Finaly after 4 hrs the nurse had to get on the shift leaders ass. Anyway i was frickin miserable and pissed off. But as they say in this crazy world of ours ” SHIT HAPPENS “!!!
-Brent Brents 5-15-18
Absolutely crazy weekend.Well 2 guys got into a fight… They weren’t surrendering. So the cops tried to throw a grenade in. It missed and bounced back out around the cops and blew up. So they shut off the wi-fi and locked us all down. Still locked down, but they let us have visits, and wi-fi back…
I hope U have had a good mothers day. Oh you should google doberman / coon hound mix dogs. Truly beautiful and inteligent. Very tolerant, animal friendly and trainable. Saw 2 on tv in the last 2 months. 1 won the the Purina Dog Challenge distance jump. 32 feet+.
Such a beautiful dog. Dont look any thing like coonhounds as adults. Dont look like dobis’ either. Really sleek and muscular, but not scary doberman looking. I’m in love w/ them.
-Brent Brents 5-13-2918
Not sure if i told you or not. We aren’t allowed to have birthday cards any more, Because some dumb asses had their people putting drug patches in between the layers, soaking the stamps in Fentenol and other liquid narcotics.
So its now DOCs policy to photo copy the cards in black and white and Destroy the cards. So please don’t waste your $.
-Brent Brents 4-13-18
Am i or am i not? To tell all of U the truth, lying would be easy. Oh “NO” i’m no longer a predator. Thats what i would like to tell U, and myself. Truth is though despite very good meds, years of self introspect, honesty and my faith. I’m still very volitile.
Not that i want to be. Predatory not so much. However that doesn’t mean i’m not. My mind is still screwed up, when i get mad or upset i still have violent sexual thoughts, and violent desires. When threatened i automaticaly want to strike out and hurt the other person.
Not because i enjoy it like i use to. I get scared and its fight or flight. I often feel like i cant run, so i want to fight. But what is still predator in me is how i want to fight. I want to destroy the other person. And yes i still get pissed off at women. Not often, but most of the time when i do. I think about hurting some of them sexually. Sorry but thats how my screwed up brain works.
I wish more than any of U know that i didn’t think or feel this way. It goes against every bit of my being. My brain works weird like that. I think ” bitch i’d show U. ” Its sad really, pathetic little man shit, and i’m ashamed i think that way. I don’t believe i’d act on it. But i never thought i’d assault a c/o either.
So truth is people i’m still a predator after all these years. I believe i’m gaining better control of my rage and feelings. Only time will tell. And believe me, i hate that part of me more than any of U ever could. Like i said, i’d like to say no i’m not a predator. But that would be an out and out lie.
The one very important thing i take great respect in is honesty. I’m honest w/ myself and all of U. I have to be or this blog would be bullshit. Any way thats what i have to say about that. Thank U all for supporting the blog and each other.
-Brent Brents 5-5-18