I did know by definition what Empathy was then. I went thru to many sexual offender programs and Anger management courses and counseling sessions Not to. I knew that i should have listened to my gut when it said what i was about to do was wrong. Yes i had a clear sense of right and wrong. I think i even had a tiny bit of empathy. But on an ignorant scale. 911 i was shocked and hurt. When my favorite race car driver died i cried. I had more feelings for the suffering of animals than i did people.
I can’t say if it has been that i am finaly maturing. My facing the hard truth bout myself. The love and care that my friends and i share, or the simple willingness to open myself up and explore Me regardless of what i or anyone else discovers. That have given me the ability to experience Empathy. I like to think it is a combination of all.
But what i do recognize is that being a Normal human being is No easy thing and i used to many excuses to be “Not Normal” And Caused far to many people to suffer needlessly.
— Brent Brents
Author Archives: Danielle Alberti
being a Normal human being is No easy thing
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison
i am damn glad i can feel what i do
I have been asked this question, Amy has. So Many people wonder if violent people are capable of Empathy. I feel ashamed of my answer to be honest. It is Not easy to say that it really is a question of my Mental State. I want to give a resounding “yes!” But That would only be a lie.
As for the why or why Not i leave that to those who are in a position to study and learn such things. As for me i am damn glad i can feel what i do of empathy when i do. Because when i do the world sure is better. And i don’t feel like a giant creep. He the creep i hate. He is unfortunately me and i really wish he wasn’t. Regardless of what people think, I Never did enjoy what i did. That was a very violent, bitter, angry and emotionally screwed up animal. One who hurt people and None of those people deserved that.
— Brent Brents
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison
It really depends on my state of mind
So here it is the emotion that the proffesionals say i am encapable of. The one that drives much of the deserved hatred for me, The one that most human beings have and live a great deal of their lives having for one another.
Empathy! Am i a sociopath, violent sexual predator and violence addicted human being capable of having it. The very truth is Yes and No. I can’t judge this for the Bundy’s or Manson’s or the rest who so easily destroy people’s lives as i have.
Yet i can tell you that all of what i have done tears at me daily. Even though a part of my brain is really really screwed up and is aroused by these same acts of sick perverted violence. To tell you i understand empathy would be an outright lie. Nor do i understand why my brain reacts to sexual to violent sexual abuse the way it does. I am not sure how to express the empathy for the things that happen when i do feel it.
Example, a couple of years ago i was watching the news and the lead story was about how a drunk driver crossed the center line killing five out of six members of a family. I cried and cried for those people. And i was angry that this guy left this child without her family. I was really hurt at her loss. Me, what gives me the right to have these feelings? When my friends have issues in their families i feel for them. Wish i could do something to help and feel helpless when i can’t.
Likewise i am still quick to become bitter and hateful and feel the same kind of rage i once did. I have a better handle on it but i am without empathy at these times. So can i have (Feel) be capable of empathy like the rest of the Normal people do. All i can say is answer is Yes and No. It really depends on my state of mind.
— Brent Brents
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison
Did you know i count people’s footsteps?
So I have been keeping track of my compulsive behaviors for the psych. Did you know i count people’s footsteps? They think i am watching them and the truth is i am watching there feet. I didn’t know this for a while. There are alot of odd things i have discovered. I will only peel oranges with my left hand even though i am right handed and i try to Make it in one continuous piece. So many odd compulsions. I Never Knew i was so bad.
-Brent Brents, 5-27-11
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison
The System….Clearly is Falling Short
If you missed this report when it came out this past spring, it’s worth looking at now: The Pew Center on the States found that the number of inmates returning to state prisons within three years of release has remained steady for more than a decade.
In other words, status quo is not working. If for no other reason, you should care because of the money. The Pew website says that if states could reduce their recidivism rates by just 10 percent, they could save more than $635 million combined in one year alone in averted prison costs.
Filed under The story
Troy’s story
Troy wrote to us in September and started a dialogue.
Hi Amy and Brent,
As an abused child myself,I was bizarre to read the chronicles from Mr. Bren’t childhood. For years after being beaten,sexually and emotionally abused it was clear to me that society is in part to blame for ignoring obviously beaten child when they are right in front of their face in either a school setting or the emergency room. But getting discovered can lead to heightened abuse a home far from the police station.
After coming to school with a bleeding broken nose my second grade teacher turned me over to the nurse whom phoned the police. Well they pretended to be my friends and got me to tell the truth. Within hours i was back home with my abusive step-dad madder than hell that his secret had been exposed. From the time I was 8 I never trusted another adult and began to live in my own world.
Wonder why most of the abused don’t come forward? They have usually through this before and realize that they end up right back where they came from;the absers are angrier and can’t wait to take their sickness out on you,in this case a small child who weighed 60 pounds. #2 Uprooting them and being put into foster care puts an already timid kid into a place where you have no protection. Although homelike sucks it is the one they know. I’ve met several persons at support groups whom have been placed in foster care,only to be sexually or physically abused. 3. Call it Stocholm syndrome but although it sounds sick it is common for the childeren to love these maniacs. They begin to see bad attention as any attention,sadly they learn to love their abusers. 3.)My step-father who beat me constantly,knocking me unconcios etc…was never taken to court in anyway. It was the 70’s when sadly children were seen as their property and statistically unless you kill a strangers white child no one really wants to get involved to help these children. The cops in my case had several photos of my numerous interactions with them.
A friend of mine in high school finally had enough abuse and shot his father to death. We always thought that had his father done these things to a neighbor or a stranger he would have been in jail. But it seems that you,as a child,have no rights in the eye of the law. Often when you do try to get help the athoraties are dubious to interceded the confines of a family home.
Anyway, I grew up angry and alone until we moved to a different state and my abusive stepdad left my mother who was six months pregnant. Then I turned into a bully and stated to be a monster. Then one day it just stopped less than a year later. Instead I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain which I didn’t stop until I was 35.
Amy you are right! Lots has to change in dealings with children of abuse. We need a revoulution in how we handle these cases or not be suprised when people like Brent act out. After years of someone four times your size beats you almost daily you come out damaged . Who knows if Brent’s dad didn’t knock something loose in his head?
Thanks for this forum
Best,Troy
Brent Brents responded.
Troy,
I read your response to the website recently. Bizarre is a mild way of putting our childhood similarities. There have been, and are millions like us. A sad truth.
Yes too often society ignores Beaten, abused and neglected Children. Is it because no one cares? Maybe a percentage of people don’t really care. But as i age and mature, i learn to really look at it in a way that has begun to make sense. I have come to believe that many witnesses to these horrors, ignore or turn away because of pain. Either having to acknowledge personal traumas or having to commit to feeling the pain of supporting a victim.
I think, No i know, i never stopped to look at the big picture. If a person reports the abuse of a child or a woman they are acknowledging and commiting to that person. Opening themselves up to experiencing so much. So i can genuinely get why people “mind their own business.” I don’t agree, but i can certainly see why.
And yes we who have been victims often turned to the authorities. Trusting and hoping for resolutions only to be revictimized by the systems ignorance. And this system often empowers the victimizers through its ignorance, lack of funding, improper or lack of training. Overburdening of victims. Overwhelmed, undertrained, understaffed. That’s the system.
Troy i was in a juvenile institution with kids who were seriously disturbed and in therapy sessions. i heard “our” stories over and over again. At the time it only fueled my hatred for authority and the system. But as i look back now it has saddened me. I envy those who have been victims and overcame and achieved. I wish i could have not ended up like this. I say “this” because my mind is really screwed up.
At 35 you were able to change your life. At 35 i was unable to cope with the world outside of prison. “We need a revolution.” A damn good way to put it Troy. I do this with Amy in spite of what goes on in my head because it saddens me to think of people ending up like me or just being victims period. And believe me i battle myself daily. I will never be “cured.” My brain is hard wired to violence, sexual or otherwise.
At just ten years old i learned what it was like to gain power thru rape. And it changed me in the worst way. Because i embraced it like i have heroin, meth, alcohol, destructive relationships, sexual deviance, hate, rage bitterness and anger.
I have worked hard these last few years just to let go. just let go of the resentment for all the hurts and pains i endured. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I still often find myself inexplicably in fits of rage, fantasizing about brutally hurting people. I go into deep depressions contemplating suicide because the one person i truly loathe is myself in these states of rage.
So i want to do what i can to keep people from creating ways for children to become like myself. I don’t know the answers to the solution. But i hope my honesty will help in the process. Thank you for using the site.
Some of you want to know how Drugs and Alcohol have affected me. Badly i would say. Most often my addiction made it easy for me to make bad decisions worse. I was able to do things i didint’ think i had the stomach for. And eventualy empowered me. Not in a good way. My addiction led me to become violent quicker and act with no feeling for Those i abused. And my addiction helped me to avoid my own very deep insecurities. Being dishonest with myself instead of accepting the reality. There is nothing i can do about the addiction in my case but simply acknowledge its destructiveness. And just not do the drugs or drink. Let reality take its course. Acknowledge my insecurities. Be honest with myself. And that is Non Negotiable to me.
The story continues with Troy.
Hi,
It was so difficult for me to trust counselors ,as much as, my parents or the police. I was personally bullied by a much more physically mature student at school who even at that age was adept at picking out those who were weaker into doing his dirty work. After,severe bullying I decided to befriend him and that’s when he started sexually abusing me on almost a daily basis. One would think you would go right to your parents or school staff,however,they would have made the matter much worse as they couldn’t protect me all the time.
I never wanted to go to school so my step dad who had been physically beating me for years got a great oppourtunity to unleash his sadistic brand of child abuse. I couldn’t win. Tell the the truth and school would have been a worse hell for me. Plus,being prepubesent I felt dirty at the things I was forced to do.
Look for with who suddenly become withdrawn, afraid to go to school. Remember,they don’t trust adults and you must treat all overt signs of home physical abuse but remember you must walk a fine line as what are their options? Mine was boys school.
If I seem a bot emotional now;well I am. If I can be of any further help please let me know!
Best,Troy
Filed under Brents' writings, The story
off Zoloft
OK so i saw the psych today. She took me off Zoloft. She was very concerned with my having so many side effets. But the blurry vision really bothered her. So in two weeks She will try a new med called Selexa its an updated version of the Zoloft type meds. It can have the same side effects but they are less common in patients on it. Next week She will raise my Depakote to 1000 Mg at night if my blood levels are ok. She said if my eyes don’t get better in two weeks she’s going to send me to another Dr. She’s really worried about that particular side effect. Just think in CO they would have been ah don’t sweat it. Truth is it bothers me Amy. Its like i woke up one day and everything beyond my finger tips is blurry. Plus one of my other Meds Hydrodiusil can cause really bad eye problems so i need to see if i can’t get off it. It is for adeema. Which i suffer from because of the heart and blood pressure issues. But Glacoma and some other serious blindness issues aren’t worth it. I’ll take bloated.
Brent Brents 5-19-11 9 00/ p.m.
Filed under Prison
The game of life
The game of life is often Full of things unseen and unfair.
Brent Brents 5-7-11 830/p.m.
Filed under Prison
empathy, Regret and shame and guilt as i see them
OK i have a serious Q. Do you think i would be wrong to write about empathy, Regret and shame and guilt as i see them feel them and experience them? I do feel empathy Amy. More than ever. Did i in years past, honestly i would say it was sparce and depended on my mood. Mostly it was for animals. I really did not understand how to to love so empathy was a fleeting idea for me. But once you and Ellen came into my life and i stopped Bullshitting myself and started to care about every one else in my life instead of Me only, I began to feel for the plight of others. Anyway what do you think? It’s been on my mind alot lately.
Brent Brents, 5-2-11 6/50 p.m.
Filed under Prison
The ripple effect is key in future prevention
I’m enclosing an article i read and some thoughts i had. Its for you to post if you want to. Maybe i was too blunt or not clear. Well i leave it to you. I guess i have been a bit reluctant lately to write for the site. I really don’t want people to think of it as mine or a pedastal for my sick mind. I only want to contribute.
Excerpt from, “Love-Luxury Or Necessity,” by Katherine Anthony, pre 1961 in Reader’s Digest 40th Anniversary Treasury.
“The baby is a creature that must be loved rather than a creature capable of loving. To develop this second ability, he needs to live in an atmosphere in which this mature kind of love is practiced. If his parents failed to chew, to walk or to speak, he would probably be backward in the acquisition of these arts. If his parents fail to furnish him with the example of love, he is desperately off. He may see the neighbors walk, and talk, and chew; but the subtle art of generous affection is usually demonstrated best before one’s own family…
Love is the greatest theraputic agent in the world. It is the greatest corrective of the exaggerated eccentricities of character. As it helps to prevent many kinds of mental disease, it also helps to cure them. The different kinds of neurosis are divided practically into curable and incurable. According to whether the unhappy victim can be reached through his affections or not. The mentally sick person is wrapped up in himself.
Love means sacrifice, but it produces a well-behaved personality. The importance of love is demonstrated more by the things which happen when it takes its normal place in life. As with many other vital necessities, we are scarcely conscious of its presence But let it once cease, and the personality falls into disintegration. Love is not cheap, but we must choose to pay the cost, for life demands at least that much heroism from all of us.”
We often hear of stories equated to ripples in a pond or links in a chain. But although there is a truth to the comparison, for each person it is much more personal.
Having said that i do believe the ripple effect is key in the future prevention of sexualy predatory, violently predatory and the criminaly predatory individual from becoming.
The above article was written over fifty years ago. And in a time when what happened behind Amercias doors Not only stayed there but festered like an infected wound there. My thoughts about the article are simple…There is a very distinct and fundamental truth in its message. “Love above all else is the very foundation in which to build the mind, heart, and soul of a child, who will then become an adult.”
I often write Amy and have her ask all of you for ideas on prevention. To use the site for this. I try to contribute without further hurting those i victimized. And still work at prevention. It’s not easy. Sometimes i may seem crass or just plain screwed up. I am only being me.
So how does one stop a sexual offender from reoffending after release from prison or probabtion or civil commitment etc. I must be honest. I have no earthly clue. Each case is different. Some offenders are purely offending for the power of it. Others for the high, others for the sexual pleasure and still others for a host of reasons unfathomable.
Sexual offender treatment in and out of prison is a shot in the dark. There is some success. But i will honestly tell you it often serves to only refine offenders skills. Guys enter with little forensic and psycological knowledge and exit with Phds in the arts of grooming, stalking, raping and evidence awareness.
Capital punishment for all sexual offenders. Extreme yes, but a very popular idea. Lockem up for life. Also popular. Both solve the recidivism problem and even help to prevent future victims to a degree. But fail to answer the prevention problem on a whole.
Chemical and physical castration. Ok so you’ve squelched the physical drive in about 15 to 20 percent of sexual offenders i would guess. But now you have emasculated, angry, inadequate human beings. Who will probably resort to other criminal violence. Most will turn to self medication. And pretty soon you have a machine bent on destroying as much as possible and not caring who why or how. If the penis can’t work they will subsitute. A more physicaly violent and distructive rape.
There are chemical shock and electric shock therapy treatments some sucess. But who knows how much. Group and individual therapies. Treatment plans based on each individuals personal crimes and needs. Probation and parole departments. Sexual offender task forces. Hotels and freeway underpasses for sexual offenders to live. School zones declared to be off limits, contact with minor children Not permitted. Gps tracking and monitoring. Posters on doors, sign posts, and trees. Declare John Doe is a sexual offender Level X. Websites with profiles.
All of this is our system of laws, Government and it is by the people for the people. Obviously it’s broken. Man hours, Money and Man power aren’t enough. Education, criminal psych, and hands on. Its to much for any one humans brain to comprehend. I have no clue how to fix whats broken now.
But it seems to me that if over fifty years ago we knew that love given to children would prevent them from growing up screwed up, why not focus on that and the other key elements of humanity like integrity, compasion, honesty, empathy, to name a few.
You’ve heard my story. My parents were not the best. We can’t choose who we are born to. In their own screwed up way they tried i suppose to love me. They weren’t well loved or cared for themselves as children. They did what they knew. The problem relates like this you can’t very well fix a lap top with a pipe wrench.
So as i read this older article in a book older than me it occurred to me. Love is a damn good place to start. I don’t know much about it. I know it heals wounds old and new. Your never to old, to young or to far gone to give it or recieve it. Its encredibly, very encredibly powerful.
When your with your child, if you catch them looking at you in wonder. So open, trusting and innocent. Thats the time to start the prevention. Simply by Loving your child with all of your being. No Not every one will be successful. There will be sexualy violent predators, and violent predatory criminals. Yes some will become despite love. But that should Not be a failure attached to the idea that Love is the corner stone of our very foundation. Its only reason to fight harder at prevention.
Brent Brents 3-13-11
Filed under Prison
Diary of a Predator 