It really depends on my state of mind

So here it is the emotion that the proffesionals say i am encapable of. The one that drives much of the deserved hatred for me, The one that most human beings have and live a great deal of their lives having for one another.

Empathy! Am i a sociopath, violent sexual predator and violence addicted human being capable of having it. The very truth is Yes and No. I can’t judge this for the Bundy’s or Manson’s or the rest who so easily destroy people’s lives as i have.

Yet i can tell you that all of what i have done tears at me daily. Even though a part of my brain is really really screwed up and is aroused by these same acts of sick perverted violence. To tell you i understand empathy would be an outright lie. Nor do i understand why my brain reacts to sexual to violent sexual abuse the way it does. I am not sure how to express the empathy for the things that happen when i do feel it.

Example, a couple of years ago i was watching the news and the lead story was about how a drunk driver crossed the center line killing five out of six members of a family. I cried and cried for those people. And i was angry that this guy left this child without her family. I was really hurt at her loss. Me, what gives me the right to have these feelings? When my friends have issues in their families i feel for them. Wish i could do something to help and feel helpless when i can’t.

Likewise i am still quick to become bitter and hateful and feel the same kind of rage i once did. I have a better handle on it but i am without empathy at these times. So can i have (Feel) be capable of empathy like the rest of the Normal people do. All i can say is answer is Yes and No. It really depends on my state of mind.

— Brent Brents

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Filed under Brents' writings, Prison

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