These days it seems stoopid that i harboured so much for over 30 years. Plus, I let that hate eat at me until i was truly an evil person. No compasion, No Empathy. Just a hatefull Machine. Willing to use and hurt anyone.
-Brent Brents 7-23-14
Author Archives: Amy Herdy
No Empathy
Filed under Brents' writings
hate
I was thinking the other day about the times in my life that i really honestly had the option of a better path to follow.I know somehow i would have screwed it up, no Matter what i did. I just couldn’t let go of the hate.
-Brent Brents 7-16-14
Filed under Brents' writings
Reaction from a father of daughters
Note from Amy: The following message was recently sent to this Diary of a Predator website (coincidentally, it’s nearly Father’s Day):
I saw the story of you and your association with Brent Brents. I realize the controversial nature of your friendship with him, but I applaud your decision to befriend him.
As a father of daughters I know I would have no problem killing a man like him with my bare hands if he touched my daughters or wife.
As a man who was deeply hurt by my father, nothing close to what he experienced, I realize that what he needs most is some one to care about him. Some one who tells him he matters to them. God bless you for your kindness.
I was very lucky to be loved by the most wonderful woman who ever walked the face of the earth…my mother. Without her….there’s no doubt in my mind I’d be inside with Brent.
Keep up the good work…and tell Brent there is “some guy” in Colorado who bets he’s an ok guy absent the hell he suffered as a child.
John Wright
Filed under Uncategorized
what creates sexual abusers
Note from Amy: The following comments were sent to this Diary of a Predator website on May 30 by a viewer who watched the Paula Zahn episode on Investigation Discovery detailing the case of convicted serial rapist Brent Brents. It’s always heartening to me when people understand the importance of “why.” It’s the reason I continue this work.
Here are the comments:
Hello Amy, I applaud your efforts to understand what creates sexual abusers. As someone who has known several victims of sexual abuse I feel that it is very important to understand the psychological causes of the compulsion to violently sexually dominate others. I hope that I can one day contribute as much to society as you have…
I first saw your story on Paula Zahn and I was impressed with your commitment to presenting both sides of the story, no matter how repugnant Brent Brents actions were.
-Eric Washington
Filed under The story
the real monster
Note from Amy: This comment was sent by a viewer at the end of May to this Diary of a Predator website regarding Brent Brents:
I so agree with u he isn’t a monster,he has done monsterest things. I believe the real monster is his parents and the justice system that has failed him since he was just a baby boy.
-Theresa
Filed under The story
this book gave them closure
Note from Amy: The following comments were sent to this Diary of a Predator website and were apparently from a relative of Brent Brents who watched his story on Investigation Discovery:
Brent is my cousin. I have never met him. His father is my Mother’s brother. My sister was 7 when our Mother’s brother RAPED her in Arizona. What he did to my sister was BRUTAL and she never forgot. I met Brents father in Oklahoma at a reunion I also met Brents sister. (He) begged my Mothers forgiveness with his Christian act… My Mother and sister have passed recently and this book gave them closure and exposed my Uncle for the EVIL he was.
It is true the VIOLENT ABUSE that my cousin was subjected to. My heart goes out to ALL THE VICTIMS..INCLUDING MY COUSIN BRENT BRENTS AND TO MY SISTER WHO PASSED NOV 1ST 2013.
-Susie
Filed under The story
torturing innocent people
Note from Amy: I debated posting the following excerpt of a recent letter from Brent Brents because I had such a strong negative reaction to it. Later, I re-read it and decided there is merit in posting what he had to say because it’s an example of his motivations and mindset. More on that in a moment.
As always, visitors to this website should realize that its content can be triggering. It’s not my intention to cause anyone pain; rather, I’m trying to do a small part to raise awareness about the issues of child abuse, child sexual abuse and rape that are found in the case of Brent Brents so that we can figure out how to prevent these crimes.
Now, about what he wrote: In the following excerpt, Brents is referring to a young boy he molested. The child was the son of a single mother who Brents dated brieflly, and the story is told in the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which details the devastating impact the case had on the child, his mother and the rest of their family.
So much of child sexual abuse is the tragic repetition of patterns, and this situation was a reflection of that. Abused himself as a child, Brent Brents was repeating a pattern of sexual abuse on this boy. The difference is that the boy told his mother and she reported it, so the abuse did not continue for a long period of time.
As always, the content is presented here exactly as Brents wrote it:
I have been thinking about my inability to be Non-sexual with Ian. I might Not make sense but i really thought i was giving him Something he was missing. I was good to him for the most part. But it was me who had the Need Not Ian. Hell to be honest the Kid had his shit together more than any of us.
I know i manipulated him and twisted shit in my own Mind to convince myself he wanted the sexual attention. The Sad thing is that he snuck over to my place one day to apologize for getting me into trouble. Crying Sobbing that it was his fault. I begged him to forgive me and Reassured him that i was wrong and it wasn’t his fault.
Never did i imagine things like this would be the things that Work to better me mentaly. Its taken all these years to work thru the denials. None of it feels good in the moment of realization. There is nothing for me to celabrate. No milestone markers. But i hope that somehow men who are prone to sexual violence and predatory behaviors can learn early on. Instead of spending years in tortured minds and torturing innocent people.
Brent Brents4-13-13
Filed under Brents' writings
prison any where would make soap operas look tame
Gossip.
We all do it. But here in prison it is crazy. Cops do it, staff do it, Inmates do it. Kid you Not prison any where would make soap operas look tame. People die over the stoopidest shit all brought on by gossip. I try not to do it. Unsucessfully mind you. Mostly is is my anger and frustration with the Staff and inmates. Things i don’t understand and situations that get confusing or out of control.
-Brent Brents 3-10-14
Filed under Brents' writings
if i block out their cries
Note from Amy–See the previous post. Brent Brents was captured in February 2005 after one final crime spree during Valentine’s Day weekend when he committed several rapes. He is referring to that here as well.
So February went quick for me this year. I still struggle w/ the memories, shame and guilt. I still won’t give up the memories, I’m pretty sure if i block out their cries, and looks of pain i would be avoiding whats most important. Empathy.
I do confess I don’t know alot about it, but i am growing into a man who feels other peoples pain.
-Brent Brents 2-24-14
Filed under Brents' writings
So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice
Note from Amy: Brent Brent’s last vicious crime spree happened the weekend of Valentine’s Day, 2005, during which he raped several victims, including a grandmother and her two granddaughters. I can’t imagine what the horror of that anniversary means to those survivors. It also fills Brents with self loathing, and it’s the significance of that date he’s referring to in the following excerpt from a recent letter, posted here exactly as he wrote it:
So it’s grow up time. Each year at this time i just shut off. Thats really childish i think. Why Not face it all. Deal with what i feel and accept the discomfort. I can still picture it all and it has become a painfull thing to see what i did to those i hurt.
Disconnect is easy.
So This weekend i spoke to a friend at her urging and at length. 9 years i guess seems like a long time. And makes it easier to ignore. But it isn’t easy at all. Decisons and things i chose to do still don’t make since. One of the worst and most personally painfull is playing God. Choosing one persons life over another. There was No sense in it that Night and i can’t find any now. So i feel the pain of those i hurt.
I knew it as a child, carried it with me into a disfunction adulthood, and used it to justify violence hatred and cruelty. I see shows on TV where people are hurt in the ways i hurt people. I feel like i can’t breath because i ache For them and their loved ones. It doesn’t feel good at all to know i caused This feeling to so many people thruout my life.
So it’s time to quit letting emotions guide my cowardice when it comes to being responsible for what i have done.
-Brent Brents 2-20-14
Filed under Brents' writings
Diary of a Predator 