Well No News today. Just another day of loud ignorance and hate. The two things that get under my skin the most. As a Recovering Ignorant Racist. I know Racism and Ignorance are all about fear and lack of understanding. And there are those who loathe So so hotly. They are so poisoned. Me, I’ve seen so much bullshit in these 45 years. I’ve become Jaded. My hate has shifted. I hate loud people, people who bully, people who can’t judge themselves. Most days I hate myself. Mostly because I am all these people. Except the loud one. That realy is a pet peave of mine.
-Brent Brents 9-2-14
Tag Archives: Brent
As a Recovering Ignorant Racist
Filed under Brents' writings
The scar tissue
Note from Amy: The torn retina Brents is referring to in this excerpt happened when he was 12 and suffered an orbital fracture at the hands of his father:
I went to the optomitrist today. Turns out I realy do Need New glasses. (Badly) My left eye is a little bit worse than it was 3 years ago. And my right is Superbad. Gone fishin! As they say.
She told me i have about ten years of eye sight in my Right eye. If I took care of it. The scar tissue from my torn Retina is pretty bad. I also have fireworks and floaters. Floaters are these little black whisps of smoky fluids that float through the inner eye. The fireworks are just that flashes of light in my eye.
Brent Brents 8-29-14
Filed under Brents' writings
What my seizures feel like
Note from Amy: In this excerpt from a recent letter, Brents is referring to my having a concussion after being thrown from a horse to explain how he feels during the seizures he’s had regularly since he was a kid, the result of being beaten by his father:
So now you know What my seizures feel like. As Well as part of my depression. That “lost” feeling realy sucks and its often alarming. The Metal taste is Not a very pleasant taste either. When i have the depresions, it’s this lost feeling, and the physical feeling of the concusion that is realy brutal. It’s difficult to understand how the physical and emotional fit, but they do.
The lack of spirit or will. The Need to sleep as much as possible. Feeling lost bewildered. Add it all up and you get Depression. Oh yeah loss of apitite (Good weight loss helper) Bad physicaly.
I really am Sorry.
-Brent Brents 8-28-14
Filed under Brents' writings
so hungry for love and acceptance
I find myself so full of regrets. I was given this wise sort of ability to help people. Instead i used my hate and this same wisdom to use people. I used way to many people who approached me with open minds, hearts, and faith. I do regret the loss of some, actually most of these people. For someone so hungry for love and acceptance, I really did screw up alot of good people and opportunity.
-Brent Brents 7-23-14
Filed under Brents' writings
how the healing happened
Note from Amy:
The following comment was sent to this Diary of a Predator website in June, and inadvertently missed until recently. So here it is, better late than never:
Diary of a Predator Contact
Hello Amy, and anyone else listening. I just finished this book and am writing to thank you. Accepting that there is always more to who we are than what has happened TO us, and what we have DONE … is an essential piece of true connection – and you have lived this process and then shared the story, you and Brent both. Thank you Amy and Brent.
While it is true that many who live through horrendous trauma from very early life end up repeating destructive patterns, living as though it would be easier to die, or “becoming” the perpetrator, these are not the only possible answers. There is always more possibility, coupled with the original innocent child, hurt, but able to heal. I commend any effort to paint the reality of those truths, rather than only explore or sensationalize the more obvious destruction and pain.
Your process and work are about connection, and what true connection is all about. THAT — is the inherent drive of the innocent child, to know we are connected. there are many survivors of horrific childhoods who know this — how hard it can be to heal from early childhood trauma and ongoing violence, secrecy and varying levels of “dissociation” (it wasn’t me, it didn’t happen to me)… rampant in such households. But survive we do, and heal we do. I like the emphasis on how the healing happened, and purposeful focus on seeing beyond what was broken. Too many books and articles dwell only on that side…. and while offering suggestions about healing, do not paint that capacity as a real story, as a long and hard process — and based in reality.
As a person who lived through the worst kinds of very very early and ongoing abuse and neglect, with 20 plus years of healing work now, I was again – on finishing this book — nudged into the position of knowing that many of my “perpetrators” if not all, were victims in their own childhood as well. It is easier to let them go, and let go the binding energy that keeps us all down. Today I let more go. thank you amy and brent (feel free to share with brent). AR
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the child of a monster
It’s not often that I’m floored by a comment to this website. But I was stunned by this one, addressed to Brent from a woman who identified herself as Shelley:
” i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my genetics.You made a choice to become what you are. We all have a past we must deal with. Some of us talk or cry and some of us Brents relive the crimes that were done to us on others. you made a choice.”
I emailed Shelley, and she emailed back, and then we talked on the phone–and yes, she is legit–she is Brent Brent’s half sister. And I told her that I agree with her, and that Brent has said the same on many occasions–that he made his choices.
As for Shelley–she is an amazing person–resilient, smart, and kind. She has her own story to tell, and it’s horrifying and it’s tragic, but she survived. I’ll let Shelley decide what she wants to share. The bottom line is, she chose a different life, and didn’t let its beginning define her.
It’s heartening to me that people like Shelley exist.
-Amy
Filed under The story
Diary of a Predator 