Category Archives: Brents' writings

me at 15

Having been a sociopath from a very early age and “in the system” i learned to piss people off. Especially those who were assigned as counselors….I was especially good at being sarcastic. I was also very predatory. So i watched for weakness…I was and probably still could be good at provoking anger, humiliation or embarrassment. I had an obese female counselor who i ragged on constantly about her sweat pits and fat rolls in her neck. I could make her cry. Before all was said and done i had humiliated her so badly i was able to manipulate her for sexual favors and illegal activities. That was me at 15. An asshole.

Brent Brents 8-5-11

 

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rape is a cruel torture on a human soul

So i reject the B.S. life principles my parents and others filled my head with and demonstrated for me. Why? Because i know and have known for  years that i have been capable of Not blaming others, Taking responsibility for my own actions. And that i chose to hurt people solely to satisfy my own desparate emptiness and fucked up sense of emotional understanding that rape is a cruel torture on a human soul.

Brent Brents 8-10-11

 

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a 10 year old boy turned Manson overnight

My father put me in the hospital a couple of times. ONCE very serious damage was done. I got beaten and berated for Multiple ficticious and real reasons. The beatings in the early years were often drug and alcohol fueled rages. In later years he was just full of rage and didn’t need really any excuse.

Most of my families friends were predatory and i was abused by some of them to. I came to think sex by force was ok and that it was ok to screw younger kids than me. I knew deep down it probably wasn’t. It sure as hell didn’t feel right when it was happening to me. Yet i learned there was power in it. And once i did it was a way for me to escape my own shitty existence. It was as if a 10 year old boy turned Manson overnight.

I ended up in juvie Very early so i found myself being victim to bigger stronger youth. So i naturaly victimized those smaller than me. A trend i would continue throughout my life.
Brent Brents 8-10-11

 

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IRS-Instant Rage Syndrome

A few weeks ago, I got a message to this site for Brent Brents that said in part:

“…i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my gentics.You made a choice to become what you are.”
The message was from a woman named Shelley, who is Brent’s half sister. She and her brother David were children from Brent’s father Ron and a different wife. Like Brent, they were both physically and sexually abused by their father. Unlike Brent, they were both removed from the home after the father threw a 3-year-old David into the television set.
Also like Brent, Shelley says she has struggled all her life with something she calls IRS, or Instant Rage Syndrome. Her saving grace, she said, was having children; she swore she would not repeat the pattern of violence.
I sent Brent her message, and he wrote back:
First of all i am sorry that he hurt you and David. And that it damaged you two in ways i am all to familiar with. Having said that, you may or may not be thinking coming from me, it’s meaningless. Please know in my heart i truly am sorry. Six years ago i wouldn’t have gave a shit about you or anyone else.
Secondly, i spent roughly 30 + years using his bullshit as my excuse to fuck the world and get all i could. I chose rape because i knew the emotional toll it takes on a persons soul. I don’t use excuses or copouts anymore. No excuse is good enough to warrant all that i have done over the years.
My eyes are wide open Now, my heart is no longer black with rage. I even feel love, compassion and empathy. Alot of people assume that i feel sorry for myself, for ending up in prison. That was the case at one point. Now i know i belong here.
Amy told me about your rage issue. We share that you and i. I can be fine and happy one minute, and the next something so tiny can set me off. I avoided Mental health Meds until about six months ago. Oh Man what a help. Some of the side effects really suck. But honestly i regret Not having been open to them 20 years ago.
Having said all this i truly am sorry Shelley that you and David had to suffer the ways you did. And i am also sorry about David. I know first hand what being Rons child is like, And it sucked to watch him Literaly Fuck us and beat us all to a tiny spec of collective obedience of God Ron worshippers, brain washed and scared to death.
I am really not angry any more. Mostly Sad…
It’s None of my business, but it seems like we all somehow have a Mental health disorder or disease. As you have aged have you gotten better or worse? Mine seems to have gotten worse over the last 10 years. So much so that i have to take a staggering amount of drugs to maintain from hour to hour-day to day. My rage got to a point of helplessness. I Literally Could Not explain to anyone how it felt to have this Hateful, bitter rage, Combine this obsessive, compulsivety for violence and sexual violence.
Shame and regret are Constant companions. None of what i did to those i hurt makes any Kind of sense. I get to see my face in a mirror 3x a week and all i can see staring back is the one person i swore i would Never become.
Don’t think i am trying to soften you up. Trying to be all Brother and Sister. Quite frankly, there are only two people i trust and want any kind of relationships with. It’s all i can handle…
And yes Shelley i made choices. Ones that haunt my every minute of my life. Your post on the website reads kind of bitter. Amy said it may be because there is No One left in our family to lash out at. So if it’s me you lash out at, I am Ok with that. It’s Not a Martyr thing. I just know how it was when my outrage fell on deaf ears.
And most importantly Shelley it does my heart good to know that at least one of us can carry on this families blood, without the violence and sickness. I have to close now my tremors are getting to bad to write.
Sincerely,
B.     -Brent Brents, 12-18-11

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a Rapist endorsing a self defense style

Oh have you ever heard of KRAV MAGA? It’s a self defense class taught all over the country. You should see if you can find out if it has websites so you can put a link to them. So women can learn some self Defense techniques. I like this better than most because it’s a No bullshit style of self defense training. Remember i once told you the first 30 seconds of an attack were crucial for the woman or child to cause as much pain as possible or raise an alarm to others. KRAV Maga is great at teaching women to do this.

I know how ironic a Rapist endorsing a self defense style. the Sad thing in all of this, is that even with the classes most women will be surprised with an initial violent blow or controlling choke hold that causes panic and they will forget what they were taught. I say fight like you’ve Never had to fight. Spill the attackers blood, scratch, kick, bite. But above all don’t panic. Panic is Next to committing Mental suicide.

There are Attackers who are intent on Killing their victims, it sucks but it’s what they do. There are the ones who panic when the victim panics and Kill to regain control of the situation, the victim and themselves. There are the attackers who accidentally Kill the victims. Then there are those with psycological or physical agendas.

All dangerous. But i have been in enough therapy groups to know Panic is Most likely to cause an attacker to panic.

-Brent Brents 11-27-11

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Letter to Natasha, part two: No One wants a rapist or child molester to bite or duck out

Here’s part two of the questions from Natasha, a reader:

I don’t believe harsher prison sentences are necessarily the answer, not in any humane way, plus they will get out eventually, and we are naive to think longer sentences = change people. I did come across some research that discussed how sexual predators are very predictable when constantly monitored (in free society); I feel that this would be far cheaper and more effective than imprisoning them.

I also feel a huge problem is the sexism and misogyny that is rampant in male-dominated policing and the police state we live in period in this eurowestern culture, including the courts. Many of these men in charge Just.Don’t.Get.It. and they are the ones making life altering decisions for survivors of rape and abuse. This woman-hating trickles down the inherently rotten hierarchy (as they all are) from politicians right down to the cops. Sure there are good ones out there, but this is not the majority. And I don’t have any answers because this system is enforced on us with violence, so any radical overhaul will be met with violence. This is where I often get stuck with my thinking…

I feel that prisons as they stand today are horrible places and dehumanizing and in no way “corrective” or “rehabilitating”, they only make distressed prisoners more distressed. I wish there was a medium — something like constant supervision of violent prisoners in order to ensure safety of self and others, but with some humanity and compassion attached to it. May I ask, what would be your ideal vision if you could wave a wand and make it happen, past mistakes aside? -Natasha

Answer from Brent:

Natasha,

As for an ideal vision, I hope, deeply hope that more and more people use this site for support, help, to help. That The Mental health professionals stop drawing lines in the sand on sound theories and work together to get a better handle on what it is that enables a human being to shut off the moral part of their brain and to commit violent sexual acts.

That each state prison system with sexual offenders who would be released be made to create prison environments that don’t encourage violence against them. All to often inmates will refuse treatment and be insincere in there treatment if they feel threatened. Oh I’m Not saying baby them. And if you want my honest opinion i agree with many that if a person who continues to show certain behaviors in prison should be considered for civil commitments. And any offender over the age of 35 as well.

I think the registries are good and should be more hands on supp0rtively, and less agressive in the treatment of parolees and those discharged from prison. If you keep kicking a dog it will eventualy bite or run. No One wants a rapist or child molester to bite or duck out. If they have no sence of conformity outside of prison and people to turn to for help, then there is garunteed failure in the system.

And Natasha my ideal vision is that the system get its shit together where Kids are concerned. From parents to teachers, mental health, family and friends. If you think a child is being abused cry out for that child. If we help the children we can eliminate alot of people from becoming like me.

Just as children are our future hope, they are also likely to become our predators. Especialy if we keep Making them fight abuses alone and silently.

Oh and i agree with you on the sexism issue. But in todays society even corprate women understand sex sells. So you get less and less and less women speaking out. And far to many young girls and women willing to sacrifice Their bodies and their souls. Go to a porn store sometime and pick up a playboy. Open to the publication page. Half the people on staff are women. Its the same throughout the porn industry, the movie industry and fashion. Yes we still live in a time when women are seen as sex objects. But it doesn’t help when many of our female role models obscure the lines.

The world culture is becoming a sex sells culture. And its creating a greed in the media. The same media young and impressionable children have full 100% access to in today’s internet world.

As sad as it is The Western Culture is obsessed with sex, and this tree has to many roots and branches for the few to overcome.

Thank you for using the site. I hope you go on to have a sincere and succesfull career in psychology. I hope i answered your questions adaquately. If Not I’m always here! (Prison Humor!)

-Brent Brents 11-20-11

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letter to Natasha: i did it to inflict the deepest wounds

Note from Amy: Here are the questions that Natasha posed to Brent that he’s referring to in his letter:

I feel that prisons as they stand today are horrible places and dehumanizing and in no way “corrective” or “rehabilitating”, they only make distressed prisoners more distressed. I wish there was a medium — something like constant supervision of violent prisoners in order to ensure safety of self and others, but with some humanity and compassion attached to it. May I ask, what would be your ideal vision if you could wave a wand and make it happen, past mistakes aside? Do you think you could 100% stop yourself from hurting others in those moments that your rage comes flooding through your mind, if you were a free man? -Natasha

————————————————-

Ok so i finished the letter to Natasha. I hope it helps answer her questions. Sometimes its not easy to answer peoples questions. simply because the answers are brutal to face myself. Let alone other peoples reactions to them.

-Brent Brents 11-20-11

Natasha,

Ok look somedays i am Not real good at this. I have a tendency to forget that people are basicly inocent and even genuinely nieve. When i first read your Letter to Amy i thought what a foolish nieve person. My honest apologies.

Theres no real simple way to help people get what i think or feel most days. But i will try, then i will answer the two questions you asked me.

Imagine if you can Not being able to walk five steps 24 hours a day, without a sexually violent thought, thoughts of violence, or having the constant desire to release an unatainable high thru ejaculation.

I have OCD, and Manic depression. For roughly 32 years now i have been obsessed with sexual violence, Not just the act. But the deep deep scars it creates in people who i victimized.

I think and feel these things like i breathe air. It sucks. I am constantly ashamed. I wash my hands close to a hundred times a day. I’ grateful that my psych meds leave me physicaly impotent as well as largely curb my obsessions.

I hate that part of me. It Never sleeps, Never surrenders, and Never tires of crushing the soul out of other people. Its angry, full of rage and hate. I push it down, try to focus on other things. Up until now i have had Little or No idea how to restrain myself. It was like heroin. There was this high, yet just like heroin, i couldn’t get high enough. These days the meds help.

I know now i should have sought this type of Mental health care many years ago. But i was to pridefull and ignorant. I feel ashamed that i have fought medication so hard and so long.

So as to the question of 100% stoping myself. If i say yes i am disrespecting you, those i hurt, my friends and myself. Do i want to hurt people. “No” absolutely Not. Some men rape for pleasure, some for control, some to relieve some deep ugly creep inside. Me, i did it to inflict the deepest wounds. The ones i was all to familiar with. The pain of a broken soul. To have control of and to crush someone mentaly. And it still wasn’t enough. I always felt empty and even more full of bitter rage after an attack.

Now I might be able to control myself. But lets Not go there. The Simple truth is if i got out today i would spend a day each with my friends and buy enough heroin to OD on. I just couldn’t imagine hurting anyone else. I would rather die. My brain Natasha is broken. That’s the best way i know how to put it. Broken.

(note from Amy–the second half of this letter to be continued).

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a statement of truth

Hey check out this Quote.

“If we knew each other’s secrets

what comforts we should find…”(John Churton Collins)

Pretty Cool huh? I like it. It is really a statement of truth.

-Brent Brents 11-13-11

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Not an asshole response

Ok so now i haven’t answered Natasha’s questions. To be honest my mind hasn’t really been a Nice one for a few weeks. If i were to have answered her Qs last week i probably would have answered with some clinical lame Shit. Because i really felt like a what fuckin fantacy world are you living in. So No i haven’t answered yet. I figure she deserves a real good honest thoughtful answer. Not an asshole response.

-Brent Brents 11-13-11

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I just couldn’t do two things

Violence, sexual physical and emotional and verbal. To do as i say and Not as i do. Promisquety. Drug and alcohol addiction. To be secretive and silent about what went on in our home. Poor hygiene, poor communication skills. All by my parents, family and most of their friends.

Yet there were some good, really really good loving and caring people who tried really hard to free me from the crap my parents and others filled my head with. I just couldn’t do two things. I couldn’t face the responsibility for my behavior (Humiliation) and i couldn’t bring myself to trust any one ever.

Brent Brents 8-10-11

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