Author Archives: Amy Herdy

“Smile Amy”

Sometimes a mans past is a regret that will kill him. That child (one of his victims) unlike any of the others drives me to do good. Even if it costs me my life. I know i can’t stop all the evil or hate or abuse. But with your help Amy we can do at least a little to change the world. I can Never forgive myself. I can only hope that when my time comes it will bring a peace to all those i hurt.

I can never thank you enough for standing with me. To help someone heal or avoid the kind of troubles i have known in my life is all i can hope for. To keep one woman or child from being abused is more than All i have done in my whole life. And Amy i am glad i will always see their eyes. Justice in its real form.Well have a good day more later. Smile Amy.

Brent Brents – Jan. 11, 2010

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“You Know you Never will truly trust me”

It’s been a day of Reflection. You Know you Never will truly trust me. No matter how much you care, you can’t help but hold my past in judgement of me. It’s OK. I get it but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t matter how much i have changed or do continue to change. Sure i will always be disturbed Thats my Road in life. But my heart is so much more Amy. No matter how cinical you are there is a truth you will never be able to see. Its to bad. I am proud of who i have become in these few years. I have realy learned alot about the value of the human being. I have seen the value of love, family, friends. I have learned empathy and sorrow for peoples pain and loss. Powerful it is when you feel it. I choose to remember Not so the acts Amy but the costs of the acts. Even though you will never be able to see me without attaching Brent Brents sexual predator to me, its ok. I know you do care. That is one of the consequences of my choices Amy. No One will see me as human. There will always be an attachment; sexual predator, Rapist child molester, liar, violent criminal. Its simply what humans do. We judge. You will always be suspicious, thinking i have some ulterior motive. And i will probably die trying Just to simply be caring and a friend. But Always hear the words sexual predator. I wish i could change that identity but once one has it it is for life.

-Brent Brents, Feb. 27, 2010

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“Feeling angry and hateful at the moment”

Amy,

Hi you. How was your day? Better than mine i hope. I am on a swing. Feeling angry and hateful at the moment. No Particular Rhyme or Reason. Just my stoopid mind doing its thing. Sad one minute Raging the next. Feeling very out of Control. Lonely you name it the last three hours have been bad. Up Down all around. Right now i could use a drink. No meth or heroin, Just some Good ole Grey Goose or Stoli ah hell right out of a still would do. Sometimes when i need a hug the most there isn’t one to be had. So i just have to manage.

-Brent Brents, Feb. 24, 2010

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“i look in the mirror and my self worth takes a dump”

I just finished watching Oprah. She had a guy named Greg Milligan and his sister on. They were raped and abused by Their mother. Its heart wrenching to sit here and hear his story and see how it affects him. I have this respect for him because he didn’t turn out like me. IN fact he seems to be a real good man. So i think it would do you some good to go on line and watch todays show. Greg Milligan is his name. I think what you see will seriously freaked at how he and i could have swapped lives as children and been Perfectly at home in each others lives. Sickly and Sadly. Yet somehow he managed to Not become me. I wonder if you were able to talk to him maybe you could see what was different that helped him…Ya know a decent comparison of how i became me and how he suceeded. Just a thought. I see people like this guy and i look in the mirror and my self worth takes a dump.

-Brent Brents, Feb. 15, 2010

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I believe the term “serial rapist” is an oxymoron

I believe the term “serial rapist” is an oxymoron,  and not recognizing this puts people at risk.

Ask any sex crimes detective, rape crisis counselor or criminologist and they’ll tell you that sexual assault is a crime of escalation. The offender usually starts with a lesser offense, such as peeping in windows, then perhaps exposing himself, then entering a home, then confronting a potential victim, then assault.

For Brent Brents, this started when he was 9. He used to stalk people on his paper route, he says, and began casing houses to see who was home, which doors were unlocked, and what he could steal that wouldn’t be missed.

He committed his first rape at age 12.

Also like Brents, most rapists have committed multiple rapes by the time they are caught-if they are ever caught.  U.S. Department of Justice studies estimate that 60 percent of sexual assaults are not reported. If a survivor does report, he or she will then have to undergo a wrenching process that often blames victims and adds to their trauma. Many drop out of the prosecution process for that reason.

But back to the rapists.

Since sexual assault is a crime of escalation, the rapist typically will not stop with one assault. Like Brents, they become addicted to the power and control, and continue to repeatedly offend to get that satisfaction, often for years, before they are caught.

He’s been quoted on this site trying to explain what that’s like.

“I became addicted to the power I could wield over someone through rape,” he wrote in an entry dated March 1. “I never had control over what was happening to me. The first time I raped somebody, I became addicted to it immediately. It wasn’t the fucking, it wasn’t getting off, it was the power over the other person. That’s what I became addicted to-using sex as a weapon.”

Brents estimates the number of victims he assaulted during his lifetime to be in the hundreds, and when I checked that with investigators, they said it was realistic.

If you find that number hard to believe, you should know there are studies about other sexual offenders that back up its likelihood.

The Center for Sex Offender Management, which was created by the Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice and the National Institute of Corrections and the State Justice Institute, published a paper in May 2001 that illuminates just how frightening these numbers can be.

The paper says in part that “research using information generated through polygraph examinations on a sample of imprisoned sex offenders with fewer than two known victims (on average), found that these offenders actually had an average of 110 victims and 318 offenses (Ahlmeyer, Heil, McKee, and English, 2000). Another polygraph study found a sample of imprisoned sex offenders to have extensive criminal histories, committing sex crimes for an average of 16 years before being caught (Ahlmeyer, English, and Simons, 1999).

So if, like Brents, most rapists are indeed serial rapists before they are ever caught, how should this affect how we deal with them once they enter the criminal justice system? Do we mandate harsher sentences,  and make it more difficult for them to achieve parole? Do we crack down on lesser sexual offenses, such as fondling or exposing, knowing what we do about escalation and repetition of sex crimes? Do we try to intervene more with those less violent offenders, and with juvenile offenders, before they increase the nature and number of their crimes?

And, in light of these numbers, what does this say about the countless scores of survivors who have never stepped forward? What if we worked harder to remove the stigma that faces the victims of sexual assault when they report? What if we tried harder to publicly encourage survivors to ask for help so they don’t suffer in silence, or alone?

How can we better support them?

I’d really like to know.

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Counseling in prison

Regarding counseling in prison: The counseling (in prison) was good, the environment wasn’t good. You’re in prison. You’ll be targeted as a victim. So what sense does it make? They target you as a sex offender. They find out and you either offend or defend yourself or let shit happen to you.

Brent Brents, Feb. 25, 2010

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A history of incarceration

At the age of 12, Brent Brents was sent to a boy’s home for attacking other children, and spent most of his youth in various juvenile detention facilities where he was accused of sexually assaulting others as well as having “inappropriate relationships” with other inmates and staff.

His family moved to Colorado, where Brents spent the bulk of his teenage years in and out of various juvenile facilities. Then in 1988 in Denver, an 18-year-old Brents used the pretense of a lost cat to lure a 6-year-old boy into an alley, where he raped him and then stuffed him into a trash bin. A few days later he hid next to a neighbor’s house and grabbed their 9-year-old daughter as she climbed the fence to return home after walking to a nearby Burger King. Brents dragged the girl to the family’s garage and raped her at knifepoint, threatening to kill her if she screamed. After the children identified their attacker, police issued a warrant for his arrest. Brents left the state in the middle of the night, and was later arrested as he headed toward his mother’s home near Las Vegas.

In the 1980s not much was known about pedophilia. In an effort to keep the young victims from the 1988 case from having to testify, prosecutors offered Brents a plea agreement of being guilty but legally insane. He was sentenced to 20 years, with the beginning of his sentence to be served in a state mental hospital “until restored to sanity,” according to court records.

Brents remained at the Colorado Mental Health Institute in Pueblo for two years and four months before doctors there requested he be thrown out.

“For more than two years, staff have attempted to help Mr. Brents with his very traumatic past,” wrote Eric Whyte, the acting chief of psychiatry for the hospital, in a memo to a Denver district judge dated April 29, 1991. “He has made very little progress while in the hospital and exhibits very little insight into his illness…He has continued to act out his feelings impulsively, and recently stated that one method he uses to cope with painful feelings within himself is to inflict pain on other people.”

Brents had become “assaultive with staff,” Whyte wrote, after being transferred three times for “inappropriate sexual behavior.”

After that, Brents was transferred to various prisons throughout the state. Seven times, he waived a parole hearing, and also refused sexual offender treatment, taking the additional six months of prison over the supervision tied to parole. In July 2004, four years short of his 20-year sentence and despite a history of sexual violence toward children, Brents was released without parole.

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There aren’t good excuses for what I did

Regardless of what happened to me as a child, there aren’t good excuses for what I did. I became addicted to the power I could wield over someone through rape. I never had control over what was happening to me. The first time I raped somebody, I became addicted to it immediately. It wasn’t the fucking, it wasn’t getting off, it was the power over the other person. That’s what I became addicted to-using sex as a weapon. Looking for the ultimate high and never finding it.

I always felt uncomfortable, insecure. I didn’t know how to live out there. And it was my way of gaining control.

Amy’s question: How do you give someone that sense of control in a healthy way?

Family support. Let them know that they’re worth caring about, maybe loved. I never felt that, that I was worthy of being loved or cared about. Only worth being fucked or beat on.

What works for treatment?

Most people who are abused as a child, things go wrong in their adult life. Substance abuse, shitty self esteem, maybe they marry an abuser. If they become a mother, their issues affect their children.

If a guy is caught young, he has to have familial support. There’s a reason he’s doing it. In rare cases, guys just do it-nothing happened to them. But for the most part, something happened to him, usually within his family. So he needs to be given to another family.

For me, it was hard to trust. In my eyes, everybody was fucked up. Everybody had a motive.

For sex offenders after prison: The registry for life pretty much nixes your chance of having a life. You spend the rest of your life struggling to make it, always living with the stigma. There’s no good way.

A solution?

A prison exclusively for sex offenders. You’ll have to rehabilitate inside and outside.

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My biggest fear

My biggest fear is that I will die without ever having done anything good.

-Brent Brents

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His sister’s perspective

Brents’ sister sent a comment to Diary of a Predator this week. Brents was given the opportunity to respond.

As the sister of brent. Who was raised by the same mother and father! i want everyone to know that Brents records of his life are just as dillusional as he must have been when he commited these acts. Nothing went so horably wrong with me when i was a kid to make me PHYSCO!!! I have a very normal life. and never hurt any animals,humansor kids i have the same blood running through my veins. amd was raised by the very same people he was. So my comment is that
1 consider the source when analizing the story
2 supposed bad childhood or not “YOU AND ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS!!!!!!

Brents’ response:

[She’s] right-whatever happened to me as a kid is no excuse. I made my choices. I knew what I was doing. And it wasn’t the sex. It was what the act of rape does to another human being’s soul, because I was hurting in my own way. I didn’t know how to live out there. And after that–there was almost no chance of me ever caring about decency. I spent my whole life searching for love, comfort–and I found it in a fucked- up way…

I chose to do the things I did because I was addicted to the power that came with that kind of behavior. I was using it to cope with my insecurities and inability to cope with life.

Once I stopped worrying about the ridicule, it’s easier to be honest.

I’m not even really angry anymore.

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