There aren’t good excuses for what I did

Regardless of what happened to me as a child, there aren’t good excuses for what I did. I became addicted to the power I could wield over someone through rape. I never had control over what was happening to me. The first time I raped somebody, I became addicted to it immediately. It wasn’t the fucking, it wasn’t getting off, it was the power over the other person. That’s what I became addicted to-using sex as a weapon. Looking for the ultimate high and never finding it.

I always felt uncomfortable, insecure. I didn’t know how to live out there. And it was my way of gaining control.

Amy’s question: How do you give someone that sense of control in a healthy way?

Family support. Let them know that they’re worth caring about, maybe loved. I never felt that, that I was worthy of being loved or cared about. Only worth being fucked or beat on.

What works for treatment?

Most people who are abused as a child, things go wrong in their adult life. Substance abuse, shitty self esteem, maybe they marry an abuser. If they become a mother, their issues affect their children.

If a guy is caught young, he has to have familial support. There’s a reason he’s doing it. In rare cases, guys just do it-nothing happened to them. But for the most part, something happened to him, usually within his family. So he needs to be given to another family.

For me, it was hard to trust. In my eyes, everybody was fucked up. Everybody had a motive.

For sex offenders after prison: The registry for life pretty much nixes your chance of having a life. You spend the rest of your life struggling to make it, always living with the stigma. There’s no good way.

A solution?

A prison exclusively for sex offenders. You’ll have to rehabilitate inside and outside.

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