Note from Amy: Brent is referring here to a woman featured in the book whose daughter was killed by a driver who fell asleep at the wheel.
I think when she’s scared for me it’s harder than usual because of what she went thru with Mary. I Never thought or hoped i could replace Mary. All i really wanted was to help a hurting human being. That hasn’t always been easy. Yet in my effort to help her i some how found this awesome example of a plain simple spiritual person. She’s taught me so much about being humble and forgiving people. I’ve No idea how she stood in a court room before a judge, and asked him to be leaniant (spelling) on the man who Killed her Child. I think of all the Courageous Things a human being can do. And Seriously That tops my list. I’ve fought five men at once, faced another man in a knife fight. Made meth and pipe bombs. And none of that required the pure human courage it took her to befriend That Man and help win his freedom after he killed her daughter. That’s an awesome example of human goodness, spiritual faith and just plain Wow!
She’s taught me that faith is More than a persistant belief in a God we can’t see or touch. But a state of know that in the end, Good will win out.
Brent Brents
Author Archives: Amy Herdy
Ellen’s courage
Filed under Brents' writings
Cut it off
If for some reason i am badly hurt or killed, i know you’ll do right by me. No Machines Amy. If i need one to breathe, or one to feed me to keep me alive, Cut if off. Let me go. Let me finaly escape the torment i live with each day. That part of my brain that is sick and hurtful.
Brent Brents, 11-4-10
Filed under Prison
your way of healing your own wounds
Don’t think i don’t know how emotionaly gut wrenching My Crimes and what you read on the site are. I know it is all heavy on your heart. I have Never taken that for granted Amy. I know how truly gentle your heart is. Your tuff when you need to be. But you can’t hide your compasion or empathy. You stand your ground with confidence and strength but you balance it all with great humility. I firmly believe you are the one meant to do this. You can be seriously pissed off, Yet have the lions heart to protect the broken people and animals. You will always have a cynical reporter inside. We all have a part that doubts the world around us. But you stand taller and look past your cynicism. Helping the broken is your way of healing your own wounds.
Brent Brents, 11-4-10
Filed under Prison
Save the empathy for those who are in need of it
Bruce i don’t want anyone to justify what i did either. Not in the slightest. There are absolutely no excuses for what i did. I made the choices to do what i did, to hurt the people i did. I chose to do so with sexual violence. The same sexual violence i endured and came to understand in a sick dangerous way. I embraced it as a weapon because i knew the power and depth of emotional torture one could inflict thru sexual violence. Nothing can justify that.
Bruce goes on to say We all have problems and bad times in our lives. But not everyone goes that road i did. Absolutely true. Thus one of the motives for the TV and radio shows, the website and book. What is different between people like myself and those who survived, and got on with the process of life without victimizing others.
No Bruce i shouldn’t be idolized or empathized with. Yes i agree with the empathy part. Save the empathy for those who are in need of it. Those who were victims and truly need it, those who are as you read this being victimized and those who will be in the future.
“He is an animal, who chose to hurt people and rightly so, He Should Never see the light of day, outside a cell.” There are 365 days a year and probably 360 of them i agree. I have asked people to post their ideas about how to deal with people like myself. Well Bruce has done so. Not every opinion is going to be popular, Not every idea feasable, Not every thought clear, but this is what this site is for. Bruce No matter how you think or feel about me, I thank you for your post. You obviously didn’t like the program, but you care about the victims of violence to post your thoughts and feelings on this site. It may not mean Shit coming from me. But there are many out there who you can speak for. Thank you.
Brent Brents
Filed under Prison
A Sad Shitty truth
Bruce says i gave up the right to be a human being. The truth is that i am not sure i ever truly knew what a human being was, or how to be one. What Bruce considers “Normal human behavior” was foriean and uncomfortable to me. And i simply didn’t know how to practice it, much less do it Your right bruce i did give up that right each time i acted out my rage and insecurities upon defenseless human beings.
Bruce reminds us that i said “I would continue to hurt, if i were released.”
A Sad Shitty truth! I doubt i would rape. at this point things are much different in my brain. The truth is i would probably find the first heroin dealer i could find and buy enough dope to o’d on. Simply because i didn’t then Nor do i now, have the mental ability to be a functioning free person. I don’t want to hurt anyone ever again.
Filed under Prison
Patricia
Patricia, a regular reader, wrote to Amy last week to describe her own experience with abuse and forgiveness.
Brent,
I truly don’t believe that of Amy. I believe it started out as a job for her and turned into something more that she and you didn’t see coming. People develop relationship for all kinds of reasons. Good or Bad, relationships has a seed and the farmers (people in the relationship) just tend it, to wait and see what happens. Yes they have some control where it can go but the feelings involved in that relationship is what isn’t in their control. I have wrote a few entries to you today because my brother is like you but he is weakness is children. For many years I had loved and worshipped my brother, but one day he did things to me that turned that love into a hatred I couldn’t control. That hatred led me into my adult life but then my father told me one day that people can’t control what they feel but they can control what they do with those feelings. Wise words from someone that loved both my abuser and myself (my abuser’s victim). I testified against my brother when he was accused of sexually abusing a child. I thought that would take my pain away but it didn’t. So another 6 or 7 years passed and my father was on his death bed giving me those wise words to help me understand I can’t control anything in life but what I did. So I sit down and wrote my brother in prison and forgave him. That is when all of the weight of my pain was lifted. No I didn’t forget what he did to me, but forgiving him gave me my life back. That is what I hope you understand. You took a part of those people’s life from them. I hope your victims can forgive you one day. Not to make you feel better but to make them feel better. Brent, May God watch over you and all that people that you hurt. I hope to be able to write in this blog to you more often because what is going through your head helps me understand what happen to me as well.
Amy wanted to respond.
Dear Patricia,
Thank you for taking the time to write. I’m sorry for the pain of your childhood. I hope this site does more to help you heal than cause you more pain.
And I agree with you about forgiveness. I believe it’s the only true mechanism of healing. And, like you, I had an abusive brother–I write about it in the book.
The reasons why I continue to write Brent are complex, but mostly deal with karma. I learned life-changing lessons from knowing Brent and covering his case, and afterward made the decision to be a constant in his life as my way of giving back.
I didn’t do that for my brother-I cut him out of my life and hated him until he died, and I regret that now.
But in the same breath, I recognize that everyone follows their own path, and I would understand if Brents’ victims never forgave him. I hope they find their own peace, and as you said, for their sake, not his.
Brent has told me many times that he would never ask for forgiveness. I think he feels he does not deserve it.
As far as these posts helping you understand–I am very heartened by that. I continue to put up Brent’s writing because it shows the very human side of him. It’s harder to dismiss someone as a monster when you start to understand them. Harder to hate them, too, and I don’t think that hate gets any of us anywhere.
Thank you for contributing.
Patricia’s letter also affected Lauretta, another reader, who wrote about her own experiences.
Dear Patricia:
Your response really touched me. As a victim of physical and sexual abuse, I was so bitter and angry all of the time. I didn’t release the rage until the year 2000 when I wrote my book Survival of the Fittest…One Child’s Life in the Foster Care System. Even then, I still couldn’t forgive my father for leaving me in the foster care system and for attempting to rape me when I met him at 21 years of age. I don’t understand why people are so cruel and why they have the odd need to hurt eachother. Yet, I realize that I should have forgiven my Dad. Because by the time I reached out to him, he had been dead two years and no one bothered to contact me. Sometimes, I think of him with a pain in my chest. It isn’t what happened that hurts me. It is what could’ve been that sears my soul until I cry.
Please share your own stories. Comment or send an email to Amy.
Filed under The story
Not seeing any action statements
Society isn’t always going to like, agree with or even respect what we are doing i do get that Amy. And i am perfectly ok with peoples feelings of outrage, disgust, mistrust and outright hatred for me and what i have done. As i told you its how its expressed. Deborah did it in a hurtful mean vicious way towards you. Simply Not cool. The way Pez-Bruce Lawrence is great. Expression without belittling you. What they say about me or how they say it doesn’t matter to me. I won’t disrespect the site or victims by letting my pride become the focus. I am also kinda depressed about Not Seeing any action statements. I guess i thought there would be more effort by people on that front. But i know it isn’t an easy thing for people to do.
–Brent Brents, 11-15-10 900 /p.m.
Filed under Prison
I’m not offended about being called an animal
In November, Bruce wrote to Amy to express his own opinion about Brent Brents.
I saw the story on Paula Zahn’s show and it disgusted me greatly. I have never commented on any of the things I have watched before but this really hit me in a negative way. I can’t understand why animals such as this guy have the following that they do. Why do people become fascinated by these guys and the crimes they commit. I was a law enforcement officer for a short time in Texas and had dealings with some of the most horrendous crimes imaginable, such as the murders of Dean Coryl and Elmer Wayne Henly but I never felt the urge or desire to idolize them or empathize with them.I was just thouroughly disgusted and appalled by their crimes. My empathy was felt toward all the victims and their families. I guess I don’t understand the fascination and I hope I never do. I remember you calling him a human being and that set me off even more. He gave up that right, not after the first victim, or even the second, but all the others after. He even told you that he would continue to hurt, if he was released. It was at this point, I became so upset, that I deleted the program from my Tivo, before it had ended. I don’t want anyone to try and justify why he did what he did. I don’t care. We all have problems and we all have had bad times in our lives, but not everyone turns down the road he did. He did it because he wanted to and for that he should not be idolized or empathized with. He is an animal, who chose to hurt people and rightly so, he should never see the light of day, outside a cell.
Bruce, 11/08/10
Brents responded:
I have been reading some of the posts. Thank you, all of you for using the site .I want to respond to one person in particular. Bruce who posted on 11/08/10. I hope Amy will reposition Bruce’s post just above this so all you can see how i and this man can hopefully stimulate a greater depth of discussion.
Most of you will either agree with Bruce or will find him seemingly hardline and angry. The truth is Bruce represents millions of Americans. He expressed disgust in the Paula Zhan tv show. How it hit him in a negative way.
So be honest, unless your a sexual predator any story like mine upsets you and disgusts you in some markedly human way. You feel sadness and empathy for those i victimized or even myself. Or you are reminded of your own abuse, or someone close to you who suffered. The subject of sexual abuse, rape or other abuses are Never Comfortable and more often than not taboo.
Bruce calls me an animal and can’t understand why people such as myself have a following.
I’m not offended about being called an animal. It’s one of the nicer names people call me. Yet it fits. Every time i attacked someone, used their bodies, tortured their minds, i was acting like an animal. I was detached from all moral and ethical feeling or thought. So he is right in a sense.
As for having a following. Man, i hope Not. I don’t aspire to be anything great. I don’t wan anything for myself. My particpation in the TV program, radio and the website are all strictly in the hopes that my life can some how help victims past present and future.
Bundy, Manson those guys enjoyed the attention, had, have a following. I don’t want a following. It’s pointless and dangerous. And i refuse to allow anyone to use me to somehow glorify Rape and sexual violence. And as for Bruce Not being able to understand why people become fascinated with people such as myself and the crimes we have commited, Hey, bruce i don’t understand it either. Yet there are some whose fascination isn’t seedy or disturbed. And i think you confuse Amy’s desire to prevent victims from becoming predators with a fascination with me that is somehow seedy and disturbed. We have developed a friendship true. And believe me, i beat you to the how the hell do i deserve it part.
Brent Brents
Filed under Brents' writings, Prison
But i would Still like to stay and watch over you
Amy,
You know i hope that when my time comes that my spirit can stay and watch over you. Yes of course i will do funny little things to let you know i am there with you. No Nothing Nasty. My Luck there will be some Kind of prison for spirits who do nasty things and well i have spent too much time locked up. No Sense in Continuing the trend as a spirit. But i would Still like to stay and watch over you.Brent Brents 11-17-10 158/A.M.
Filed under Uncategorized
Your eyes were furious at times
Do you remember the evidentiary hearings in Denver? I used to ask myself why i chose to live. And yet i would see you Sitting there. Even Then you were so strong. I would look at you during Certain parts of the testimony, and i could see what No one else Could. I don’t know how you got thru those days. Yet you did. I Still don’t know how it is you were able to treat me as you did. Where did all that Strength come from. I saw things register on your face. Your eyes were furious at times, but they didn’t shine on those days. I don’t know where you got the strength from Amy. But i will tell you, you are the strongest person i have ever known. And i am so damn thankful you are who you are.
Brent Brents
Filed under Uncategorized
Diary of a Predator 