Author Archives: Amy Herdy

Reader question: How can I avoid being hurt by someone like Brents?

I got an email from someone who’s about halfway through reading Diary of a Predator: A Memoir  that said, “The book is fascinating, but it also scares me to death.”

Toward that end, the young woman said,  “I’d like to know from these kinds of folks what the best way is to avoid being hurt by them.

“And I’d like to know that from you, too. What do you see are the steps women in particular can take to avoid being victimized and brutalized? Brents attacked these people in their own homes. Did those people leave their doors unlocked? Was there ANY WAY the attack could have been prevented? And he didn’t just attack young people. Or single people.

“It’s just terrifying, and I’m really really hoping that by the end of the book I will have found some answer as to how I can make sure
that never happens to me, because honestly, that’s precisely why I’m reading this book. To figure out how to live a peaceful, happy life free from horrific and brutal terror. I’m reading it to inform myself about how to keep people like Brents as far away from me as humanly possible, and how to counsel those I love to do the same. What are your thoughts?”

And this was my reply:

As for prevention, awareness and precautions–there is not a special section of the book that I devote to that. The entire book itself is really a cautionary tale of awareness, but to have put a how-to section in it would totally change the genre and halt the pace. It’s a dual memoir. As such, the story unfolds.

And if it fills you with such fear, then I would suggest that you’re probably missing the overall message, which is one of compassion and that we are all, ultimately, responsible for each other…
Yes, his case is terrifying. And yes, his utter lack of regard for humanity and the fact he was such a predator is what makes it so uncomfortable to read. No, there is nothing his victims could have done to prevent his attacks or fight him off–the scenarios that play out in the book illustrate that, time and again. Also, I chose not to explore that because that starts to sound like victim blaming–What could they have done to prevent their attack? Nothing, absolutely nothing; not a locked door, or a weapon, or any amount of pleas would have kept anyone safe from him when he was on a rampage.
Which is why we are left with the bigger question, which I explore at the end, of How do we prevent someone like him from existing? That’s the bigger question that takes into account a bigger picture.
As for your specific, concrete safety concerns, I can tell you what I’ve learned from many conversations with Brents and other criminals like him: Always lock your doors and windows at home, and never leave your car unlocked. Always be aware of your surroundings. Listen to your gut (that one should actually go first).
And since sadists like him are calculated to be only about 2 percent of all rapists–I would fight like hell (note from Amy here–that’s my personal opinion, and not one espoused by law enforcement).
He told me once that the best way to fight off someone like him is to draw as much blood as possible in the first thirty seconds and that if that doesn’t do it, then give up, because it will only motivate him more.
Last, get a dog. I’ve been a crime reporter for 20 years and I can tell you that all the criminals will agree–a barking dog is a deterrent.

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Letter to Natasha, part two: No One wants a rapist or child molester to bite or duck out

Here’s part two of the questions from Natasha, a reader:

I don’t believe harsher prison sentences are necessarily the answer, not in any humane way, plus they will get out eventually, and we are naive to think longer sentences = change people. I did come across some research that discussed how sexual predators are very predictable when constantly monitored (in free society); I feel that this would be far cheaper and more effective than imprisoning them.

I also feel a huge problem is the sexism and misogyny that is rampant in male-dominated policing and the police state we live in period in this eurowestern culture, including the courts. Many of these men in charge Just.Don’t.Get.It. and they are the ones making life altering decisions for survivors of rape and abuse. This woman-hating trickles down the inherently rotten hierarchy (as they all are) from politicians right down to the cops. Sure there are good ones out there, but this is not the majority. And I don’t have any answers because this system is enforced on us with violence, so any radical overhaul will be met with violence. This is where I often get stuck with my thinking…

I feel that prisons as they stand today are horrible places and dehumanizing and in no way “corrective” or “rehabilitating”, they only make distressed prisoners more distressed. I wish there was a medium — something like constant supervision of violent prisoners in order to ensure safety of self and others, but with some humanity and compassion attached to it. May I ask, what would be your ideal vision if you could wave a wand and make it happen, past mistakes aside? -Natasha

Answer from Brent:

Natasha,

As for an ideal vision, I hope, deeply hope that more and more people use this site for support, help, to help. That The Mental health professionals stop drawing lines in the sand on sound theories and work together to get a better handle on what it is that enables a human being to shut off the moral part of their brain and to commit violent sexual acts.

That each state prison system with sexual offenders who would be released be made to create prison environments that don’t encourage violence against them. All to often inmates will refuse treatment and be insincere in there treatment if they feel threatened. Oh I’m Not saying baby them. And if you want my honest opinion i agree with many that if a person who continues to show certain behaviors in prison should be considered for civil commitments. And any offender over the age of 35 as well.

I think the registries are good and should be more hands on supp0rtively, and less agressive in the treatment of parolees and those discharged from prison. If you keep kicking a dog it will eventualy bite or run. No One wants a rapist or child molester to bite or duck out. If they have no sence of conformity outside of prison and people to turn to for help, then there is garunteed failure in the system.

And Natasha my ideal vision is that the system get its shit together where Kids are concerned. From parents to teachers, mental health, family and friends. If you think a child is being abused cry out for that child. If we help the children we can eliminate alot of people from becoming like me.

Just as children are our future hope, they are also likely to become our predators. Especialy if we keep Making them fight abuses alone and silently.

Oh and i agree with you on the sexism issue. But in todays society even corprate women understand sex sells. So you get less and less and less women speaking out. And far to many young girls and women willing to sacrifice Their bodies and their souls. Go to a porn store sometime and pick up a playboy. Open to the publication page. Half the people on staff are women. Its the same throughout the porn industry, the movie industry and fashion. Yes we still live in a time when women are seen as sex objects. But it doesn’t help when many of our female role models obscure the lines.

The world culture is becoming a sex sells culture. And its creating a greed in the media. The same media young and impressionable children have full 100% access to in today’s internet world.

As sad as it is The Western Culture is obsessed with sex, and this tree has to many roots and branches for the few to overcome.

Thank you for using the site. I hope you go on to have a sincere and succesfull career in psychology. I hope i answered your questions adaquately. If Not I’m always here! (Prison Humor!)

-Brent Brents 11-20-11

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letter to Natasha: i did it to inflict the deepest wounds

Note from Amy: Here are the questions that Natasha posed to Brent that he’s referring to in his letter:

I feel that prisons as they stand today are horrible places and dehumanizing and in no way “corrective” or “rehabilitating”, they only make distressed prisoners more distressed. I wish there was a medium — something like constant supervision of violent prisoners in order to ensure safety of self and others, but with some humanity and compassion attached to it. May I ask, what would be your ideal vision if you could wave a wand and make it happen, past mistakes aside? Do you think you could 100% stop yourself from hurting others in those moments that your rage comes flooding through your mind, if you were a free man? -Natasha

————————————————-

Ok so i finished the letter to Natasha. I hope it helps answer her questions. Sometimes its not easy to answer peoples questions. simply because the answers are brutal to face myself. Let alone other peoples reactions to them.

-Brent Brents 11-20-11

Natasha,

Ok look somedays i am Not real good at this. I have a tendency to forget that people are basicly inocent and even genuinely nieve. When i first read your Letter to Amy i thought what a foolish nieve person. My honest apologies.

Theres no real simple way to help people get what i think or feel most days. But i will try, then i will answer the two questions you asked me.

Imagine if you can Not being able to walk five steps 24 hours a day, without a sexually violent thought, thoughts of violence, or having the constant desire to release an unatainable high thru ejaculation.

I have OCD, and Manic depression. For roughly 32 years now i have been obsessed with sexual violence, Not just the act. But the deep deep scars it creates in people who i victimized.

I think and feel these things like i breathe air. It sucks. I am constantly ashamed. I wash my hands close to a hundred times a day. I’ grateful that my psych meds leave me physicaly impotent as well as largely curb my obsessions.

I hate that part of me. It Never sleeps, Never surrenders, and Never tires of crushing the soul out of other people. Its angry, full of rage and hate. I push it down, try to focus on other things. Up until now i have had Little or No idea how to restrain myself. It was like heroin. There was this high, yet just like heroin, i couldn’t get high enough. These days the meds help.

I know now i should have sought this type of Mental health care many years ago. But i was to pridefull and ignorant. I feel ashamed that i have fought medication so hard and so long.

So as to the question of 100% stoping myself. If i say yes i am disrespecting you, those i hurt, my friends and myself. Do i want to hurt people. “No” absolutely Not. Some men rape for pleasure, some for control, some to relieve some deep ugly creep inside. Me, i did it to inflict the deepest wounds. The ones i was all to familiar with. The pain of a broken soul. To have control of and to crush someone mentaly. And it still wasn’t enough. I always felt empty and even more full of bitter rage after an attack.

Now I might be able to control myself. But lets Not go there. The Simple truth is if i got out today i would spend a day each with my friends and buy enough heroin to OD on. I just couldn’t imagine hurting anyone else. I would rather die. My brain Natasha is broken. That’s the best way i know how to put it. Broken.

(note from Amy–the second half of this letter to be continued).

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This is Margaret–a survivor of rape

I got a call the other day from someone who read my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and he said one of the things he found amazing was the account of how one of Brent Brents’ victims, a woman named Margaret, forgave Brents for what he did to her.

I agreed. Even as I was covering her case, Margaret’s ability to find compassion in the midst of all of her own pain, anger and sorrow astounded me. To this day, she remains one of my heroes.

After hanging up the phone with that reader, I thought, “I wonder how Margaret is doing?” and so I gave her a call. I left her a voice mail, and she called me back the next day.

“I was just thinking the other day, ‘I wonder how Amy’s doing?’–and then you called,” she told me. “Pretty funny.”

And when I asked about her life, she answered me, in true Margaret fashion, with a stream of consciousness. Like many survivors of rape who struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Margaret said she still often has a hard time leaving the house. Her marriage fell apart, and she cannot hold down a job. She applied for disability and was turned down, but she’s got a lawyer and is appealing.

More than anything, she continues to fight to heal. But I’ll let Margaret put it in her own words, which she said I could post here:

“The therapist tells me, You don’t wanna think about it. But if you don’t think about it then you dream about it.

When I go to sleep I have nightmares, and I don’t even remember what about.

Filling out a job application–my hands are shaking, I feel like they’re watching me: “What’s going on? Stupid!”

-That’s when I started noticing, What’s left of Margaret? I know that I have to feel better. But when, I don’t know.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the same but I’ll work on getting on with my life.

It’s going to be tough but I’m not gonna let it bother me forever. You have to move on. If you stay mad forever you will tear yourself up even worse. I look at anger as a bad thing and I try to leave it behind.

I’m sure he had a lot of anger, a lot of hurt and anger. I feel bad for everything that happened to him. Maybe someday down the road I can read everything.

I feel bad still but I know there are a lot of people who have it worse. So in a way I feel lucky.”

-Margaret 11-18-11

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a statement of truth

Hey check out this Quote.

“If we knew each other’s secrets

what comforts we should find…”(John Churton Collins)

Pretty Cool huh? I like it. It is really a statement of truth.

-Brent Brents 11-13-11

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Not an asshole response

Ok so now i haven’t answered Natasha’s questions. To be honest my mind hasn’t really been a Nice one for a few weeks. If i were to have answered her Qs last week i probably would have answered with some clinical lame Shit. Because i really felt like a what fuckin fantacy world are you living in. So No i haven’t answered yet. I figure she deserves a real good honest thoughtful answer. Not an asshole response.

-Brent Brents 11-13-11

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I just couldn’t do two things

Violence, sexual physical and emotional and verbal. To do as i say and Not as i do. Promisquety. Drug and alcohol addiction. To be secretive and silent about what went on in our home. Poor hygiene, poor communication skills. All by my parents, family and most of their friends.

Yet there were some good, really really good loving and caring people who tried really hard to free me from the crap my parents and others filled my head with. I just couldn’t do two things. I couldn’t face the responsibility for my behavior (Humiliation) and i couldn’t bring myself to trust any one ever.

Brent Brents 8-10-11

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Writing Diary of a Predator: A Memoir

Part three:

When writing a non-fiction book, at some point it’s a good idea to show a draft of it to people who are experts on the topics you’re covering. Since my book was true crime, I figured the best constructive criticism I could get would be from cops.

Actually, I didn’t have much hope as far as the “constructive” part. Since the main storyline of the book centered on the case of a serial rapist (Brent Brents) I expected the conversations to go something like this:

“No, I didn’t read it. And why the hell would you want to write about that sonofabitch?”

Still, I called on four screening candidates; two in Tampa (where I used to live), and two in Denver. A homicide detective, a street cop who was now a private detective, a narcotics detective and a vice detective.

I emailed the first chapter and the summaries of the rest, now filled out by notes, and braced myself for a flurry of contempt, like I was proposing a tax increase on the upper bracket to a room full of Republicans.

Instead, much to my surprise, the reaction was curiosity and encouragement.

“It’s pretty good,” said the street-cop-turned-private-detective. “You need more detail about what he looks like in that first scene,  though.”

“Good for you!” said the vice cop. “I thought it was interesting.”

“Are you alright?” asked the homicide detective on the phone. He called me immediately after reading a section that detailed the emotional difficulties of covering the case. “Yes, that was years ago!” I told him.

And the biggest compliment came from the narcotics detective, who said he was intrigued by the revelations about how Brents’ mind worked, but that he found the parts about the life of a reporter the most fascinating of all.

“You work the same way we do–it’s just you’re going after a story and not the arrest,” he said to me in surprise.  And then he added the line that at this point I was used to hearing: “Put more of you and the reporter stuff in there.”

So I did. And about the time I started thinking things were taking shape and the story was really coming together, I got a call from someone who wanted me to write a different book altogether.

To be continued…

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i am going to stop taking the meds

I’m having a pretty difficult time at the moment ok for two weeks now. I think i am going to stop taking the meds. I’m really not doing well. I’m in zombie land. Have been for awhile and it’s Taking a toll on me. I can’t explain in words how i feel. It just sucks.

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a healthy balance of Love and support

I do think that treatment of 1st time sexual offenders in the juvinile and the adult system should be one of close scrutiny on the persons thoughts and feelings from a psychological viewpoint, support from friends and family. If they are not available or lack the moral fiber, then the system should find a willing family that wants to be there for emotional and social support.

The institution should be a specific institution to treat sex offenders only. And there should be a healthy balance of Love and support from people not connected to the system and from those who work with the offender in the system.

Psychology should be there, but with an understanding that a group effort to mature the offenders sense of empathy and compasion. Especially the younger offenders.

-Brent Brents 10-29-11

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