Author Archives: Amy Herdy

how the healing happened

Note from Amy:

The following comment was sent to this Diary of a Predator website in June, and inadvertently missed until recently. So here it is, better late than never:

Diary of a Predator Contact
Hello Amy, and anyone else listening. I just finished this book and am writing to thank you. Accepting that there is always more to who we are than what has happened TO us, and what we have DONE … is an essential piece of true connection – and you have lived this process and then shared the story, you and Brent both. Thank you Amy and Brent.

While it is true that many who live through horrendous trauma from very early life end up repeating destructive patterns, living as though it would be easier to die, or “becoming” the perpetrator, these are not the only possible answers. There is always more possibility, coupled with the original innocent child, hurt, but able to heal. I commend any effort to paint the reality of those truths, rather than only explore or sensationalize the more obvious destruction and pain.

Your process and work are about connection, and what true connection is all about. THAT — is the inherent drive of the innocent child, to know we are connected. there are many survivors of horrific childhoods who know this — how hard it can be to heal from early childhood trauma and ongoing violence, secrecy and varying levels of “dissociation” (it wasn’t me, it didn’t happen to me)… rampant in such households. But survive we do, and heal we do. I like the emphasis on how the healing happened, and purposeful focus on seeing beyond what was broken. Too many books and articles dwell only on that side…. and while offering suggestions about healing, do not paint that capacity as a real story, as a long and hard process — and based in reality.

As a person who lived through the worst kinds of very very early and ongoing abuse and neglect, with 20 plus years of healing work now, I was again – on finishing this book — nudged into the position of knowing that many of my “perpetrators” if not all, were victims in their own childhood as well. It is easier to let them go, and let go the binding energy that keeps us all down. Today I let more go. thank you amy and brent (feel free to share with brent). AR

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the cycle in Childhood

Some things just blow my Mind. Some day maybe the world will have a different view. We’ve got to prevent and enterupt the cycle in Childhood. Sadly most people who have had the emotional high of rape, will more often than not, continue to rape. Especialy if their victims don’t come forward.

Brent Brents 8-25-13

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a rape upon her soul

So did you hear about the Judge who Sentenced a school teacher to 30 days in Jail for raping his 14 year old student. That is only the half of it. The prick blamed the girl; saying she was responsible because she was physicaly and emotionaly older than She appeared and that she was manipulating and calculative. She killed herself because she couldn’t deal with the whole situation. 30 days and the blame layed on her. This judge needs to be off the bench. And forced to be put on the sexual offender Registry. He may not have physicaly Raped the girl. His actions were themselves a rape upon her soul. These types of people and things that happen in the victims side of the Legal system, Make that silent victim feel justified in that Silence. Which sucks really bad.

-Brent Brents 8-25-13

 

 

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The world is full of “Bad” Things

I hate the politicians who get rich while the country slow dies one freedom at a time. I hate the dealers who push their dope killing our young and old alike. I hate that people like myself brew fear in peoples lives. I hate drunken men and women who get behind the wheel. I hate skinhead Racists who spew out regurgitated Hitler bullshit.

The world is full of “Bad” Things to hate. But the worst of these is enaction. The will to do Nothing Sucks.

-Brent Brents 7-22-13

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Why Some Politicians Are More Dangerous Than Others

Note from Amy:

If you’ve spent much time on this Diary of a Predator website, you’ll know I am a big fan of James Gilligan‘s work, especially his book Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemicwhere he presents case studies from his 25 years of working in prisons in an attempt to understand the causes and motivation of violent behavior.

We share that same goal, which is the entire reason I wrote the book Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and why I have this website. If we don’t understand the complex causes of violence, how can we prevent it? We need to focus on prevention at its source–the perpetrator–instead of simply telling young women they need to walk in pairs after dark.

Now Gilligan has released a new edition of his latest book, Why Some Politicians are More Dangerous Than Othersand if you truly care about the prevention of violence in the U.S., it’s worth reading with an open mind.

From the Back Cover:

Politicians and the political process, even in ostensibly democratic countries, can be deadly. James Gilligan has discovered a devastating truth that has been “hiding in plain sight” for the past century – namely, that when America’s conservative party, the Republicans, have gained the presidency, the country has repeatedly suffered from epidemics of violent death. Rates of both suicide and homicide have sky-rocketed. The reasons are all too obvious: rates of every form of social and economic distress, inequality and loss – unemployment, recessions, poverty, bankruptcy, homelessness also ballooned to epidemic proportions. When that has happened, those in the population who were most vulnerable have “snapped”, with tragic consequences for everyone.

These epidemics of lethal violence have then remained at epidemic levels until the more liberal party, the Democrats, regained the White House and dramatically reduced the amount of deadly violence by diminishing the magnitude of the economic distress that had been causing it.

This pattern has been documented since 1900, when the US government first began compiling vital statistics on a yearly basis, and yet it has not been noticed by anyone until now except with regard to suicide in the UK and Australia, where a similar pattern has been described.

This book is a path-breaking account of a phenomenon that has implications for every country that presumes to call itself democratic, civilized and humane, and for all those citizens, voters and political thinkers who would like to help their country move in that direction.

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Monster, yes. Damaged child, yes.

Note from Amy: This very kind comment was sent to this Diary of a Predator website from a woman who read my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which is about my covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents, and how that changed me.

It was a tough book to write, and I’m sure parts of it are very tough to read. So when someone takes the time to tell me they appreciate the book and that they understand what I was trying to accomplish, it fills me with both hope and gratitude that somehow, we’ll all make a difference.

Thank you, Tracy.

Here’s what she wrote:

Amy, I just finished your book. You are a brilliant writer and a very brave woman. Your story hit on the complex issue of abused becoming perpetrator. How can we not feel pity for Brents? Monster, yes. Damaged child, yes. His life would have been very different had he not endured horrific abuse as a child.

In 1983, I did an internship for the Wyoming Board of Charities and Reform. I researched the history of the Wyoming Children’s Home and the need to transition it into a Residential Treatment Facility for Emotionally Disturbed Children. I wrote a report to present to the WY Legislature in which I strongly recommended the transition. I researched the physical and sexual abuse that Brents, and other children, experienced while in the Home, and reading this portion of your book broke my heart. The cover photo on your book jacket looks very much like a boy I worked with from the Laramie Crisis Center in 1982. I remember this boy above all others because I took him to my home and introduced him to my husband and 2-year-old son. He had dinner with us, played games, and did not want to go back to the Center. I was severely reprimanded for doing this!

Thank you for writing your story, Amy.

Tracy Hauff

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Those words

Note from Amy:

In July 2005 Brent Brents pleaded guilty to dozens of charges relating to several different cases, including kidnapping and sexual assault, and received a prison sentence of more than 1,500 years.

As the anniversary of his sentencing approached this year, he wrote of struggling with depression and self hatred. In the following excerpt from one of his letters, he is referring to the words spoken at his sentencing hearing by several of the women from those cases.

“Those words of theirs Never leave me. Those words from their anger and hurts are my most harsh punishment.”

Brent Brents 7-22-13

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a sociopath is not something that can be treated nor cured

Note from Amy:

A reader from Alberta named Holly wrote to this Diary of a Predator website earlier this month and said this in part about Brent Brents:

“Even if he is diagnosed a sociopath then why wasn’t he helped. Why is the word sociopath considered a moral weakness – yet people who are depressed or bi-polar are treated like porcelain?”

Which prompted this response, sent anonymously on 7/25:

I believe if Holly was to do a little further research on mental disorders, she would come to conclude that being a sociopath is not something that can be treated nor cured.

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Rape is not a side effect of hormones

Note from Amy: In the following, Brent Brents is referring to a remark made in June by U.S. Senator Saxby Chambliss where he said that hormones may be a factor in military sexual assaults.

Chambliss, R-Georgia, was addressing military officials when he said, “The young folks that are coming into each of your services are anywhere from 17 to 22-23. Gee whiz — the hormone level created by nature sets in place the possibility for these types of things to occur.”

The remark prompted Brents, who is serving 1,500  years on charges that include sexual assault, to write the following:

Saxby Chambliss your a bafoon. To blame anything other than choice is purely Ludicris. Rape is not a side effect of hormones. Young soldiers, old soldiers, makes no difference, Hormones do affect all of us in some ways sexualy. Rape is Not one of those.

That’s as crude and plainly stoopid as someone saying well they wanted it, or they liked it. What the hell were you thinking. Basicaly with your hormones statement, you’ve emotionally attacked those victims who have been raped in the military. And made rape sound like a right of passage.

When i watched you on C-Span make that completely uneducated and stoopid statement, I was shocked. Yes me of all people was shocked. Do I have the right to lash out at you probably not. But hey we can chalk it up to my hormones being unbalanced.

Brent Brents 7-22-13

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Amsterdam Reader: we must find a way toward a broader solution

Note from Amy: The following response is from the woman who started the loop of this conversation–the one living in Amsterdam. And I am heartened by the intelligent, thoughtful and respectful discussions that occur on this Diary of a Predator website, so thank you to those who care enough to speak up:

We are all together on this planet, and some of us have been more fortunate than others.  I have had several family members violently attacked, so this is not written from a place unscathed; however, Christianity does teach forgiveness and not just when it is easy or convenient.
My perspective is not intended to allow the perpetrators a “pass”, but to acquire some level of understanding and knowledge which could help to prevent these abnormalities from developing and proliferating.  If we are truly serious about finding solutions,  throwing offenders into jail is just one part of the answer.  Currently, a violent sexual offender is going to be released into American society after his stint in prison:  has anything been done to rehabilitate this person?  How will we cope with this “time bomb” if no intervention or therapy has been offered?  Soon prisons will not be able to contain all of them.
In previous centuries mental illness was considered an evil, but education and research have shown that this “illness” can be treated with therapy and drugs.  Human society is better for this improvement.   The onset of AIDS had people living in fear and treating victims as pariahs, but research has developed new treatments and we are progressing toward eliminating this scourge.  Could we not apply this type of thinking to this problem?  Shouldn’t we as humans try to advance our understanding and knowledge?
I know Brent’s crimes are particularly difficult to come to terms with, and I do believe he belongs in prison, however, we must find a way toward a broader solution.
I am not Dutch, I was raised in Canada, but have spent most of my adult life in the United States where these crimes seem to be on the rise.  Currently, I am living and working in the Netherlands from where I am writing this correspondence.
Sincerely, Theresa L.

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