Tag Archives: predator

Dear diary

Dear diary of a predator,

I love your blog and what you have done with your work in your writing. I had a mother that was schizophrenic and had committed suicide.

My name is Lydia and I was a foster child and now an aspiring filmmaker. I am writing you because I think that you may like what I am writing about and I like to connect with others that I could learn from and share stories with. I was given six banker boxes of documented abuse. It was very cold and factual with no life or love in it. So I decided to start publishing original journal entries from childhood between my cousin and I.

I named it Izzie and Eden’s Diary.

We used to write our secrets and plan escapes in it. I hope you stop by and take a look. It is very important to me to share it and keep the story alive. Take care and I look forward to reading more of your post!

Sincerely, Lydia

Leave a comment

Filed under The story

an act of faith

Years ago, before I had even begun writing Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, when it was still just a germ of an idea that I called “The book,” Brent Brents wrote this to me:

“Someone once said that ‘every work of art is an act of faith.’  You writing this book is going to be a work of art, it is going to be an act of faith.”

I looked up the rest of the quote, and it resonated with me so much that I’m going to repeat it here. It’s from British novelist Jeanette Winterson, and it speaks to one of the main reasons I wrote this book–to reach out with its message:

“I think every work of art is an act of faith, or we wouldn’t bother to do it. It is a message in a bottle, a shout in the dark. It’s saying ‘I’m here and I believe that you are somewhere and that you will answer, if necessary, across time, not necessarily in my lifetime.”

-Jeanette Winterson

1 Comment

Filed under Brents' writings

let reality slip away

Note from Amy: The “Predator sound” Brent Brents mentions in this next post refers to the sounds made by the aliens in the 1987 movie “Predator” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Well as you Know Nothing Comes easy in here. But i am managing to keep my Sanity somehow. I have to let the creepy giggles come forth now and again. Do funny mouth noises. Hell i tried all last week to get the Predator sound down, unsuccessfully.

I see so many of these guys literaly go insane. They stop having the ability to reason reality between lies and truths. Drugs violence and hatreds fester like puss in an infected wound. I’m Not Superior to any one. I’m just one of the lucky few who have support. And to smart to screw it up. One has to have people outside, if you don’t or you screw it up you become lonely and it gets really easy to let reality slip away.

Brent Brents 6-24-12

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

something more than just a band-aid

The following message was sent to this website, Diary of a Predator, and it helps remind me why I do this work:

“I just watched Paula Zahns “On the Case” about Brent Brents. I just wanted you to know that as I watched, I immediately understood your frame of reference for the way you “looked at” Mr. Brents. I also understood why so many people don’t “get it.”

“Many folks can only see what is directly in front of them; few have the vision to see/understand that there is a bigger picture (and I’m talking in most things, not just this case). Trying to understand all the elements of an issue is the only way to truly identify a “solution” that will be something more than just a band-aid.

“But not everyone has that gift; that ability, so the occurrence of being misunderstand is frequent. Your road is not an easy one then. But I truly believe it is people like you; people who CAN step back from their “reactions” to see a bigger picture, that will ultimately be the facilitators of meaningful changes.

“You have both courage and compassion Amy. Stay strong.”
Kate

Time: Wednesday June 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Leave a comment

Filed under The story

Why Did Jerry Sandusky Do It?

There are many studies that link child sexual abuse to that person becoming a perpetrator in later life, and Diary of a Predator: A Memoir is a perfect case study of that–Brent Brents committed crimes that were a direct reflection of the abuse he received as a child.

 If you look at Jerry Sandusky’s childhood circumstances, you can see that he could very well have been a victim of child sexual abuse. When Jerry Sandusky was six–a vulnerable age–his family moved into an upstairs apartment of the Brownson House, a recreation center for troubled boys. By all accounts, thousands of troubled youth passed through that center, which included facilities for basketball, football and baseball-and which would have included locker rooms with showers (details from Jerry Sandusky’s case include him sexually abusing boys in a locker room shower).
 The following is from a study by the British Journal of Psychiatry in 2001:
The risk of being a perpetrator is enhanced by prior victim experiences, doubled for incest, more so for peodophilia, and even higher for those exposed to both peodophilia and incest. This suggests that, in this selected sample, the experience of being a victim of peodophilia may have a more powerful causative influence in giving rise to the subject becoming a perpetrator than does incest, and the joint experience of being exposed to both peodophilia and incest has the most powerful effect.
  This view is supported by the frequent clinical finding that the abuser’s target age-group is usually limited to the age when he was himself abused. The abusive act is a traumatic one — however cooperative the victim might appear to be — and the change from being the passive victim to the active perpetrator, making use of the mechanism of identification with the aggressor, is the way in which some victims repeatedly attempt to master the trauma. The use of psychological mechanisms, particularly splitting and denial, which enable the abuser to believe he is being benevolent when he is being abusive, are further characteristics which the victim acquires through his identification with the perpetrator.
-It sounds like that’s exactly what Jerry Sandusky did.  And it’s definitely what Brent Brents did–he became a perpetrator in order to try to gain control over his feelings of helplessness, rage and victimization.

It does not excuse the horrible actions of either man, neither Brent Brents nor Jerry Sandusky. But it does help explain them.

Leave a comment

Filed under The story

Gods Green earth is fair Game

I’m including an except below from serial rapist Brent Brents’ journal that’s in my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, because of its chilling self description.

But first, something from James Gilligan: “The living dead.”

-That’s a term for violent men from the book, Violence: Reflections On A National Epidemic, by James Gilligan, M.D., and it resonates with me because it’s similar to how Brent Brents describes himself.

Gilligan, who directed the Center for the Study of Violence at Harvard Medical School, is the former medical director of the Bridgewater State Hospital for the criminally insane and was director of mental health for the Massachusetts prison system.

To call violent prison inmates “the living dead” is not a metaphor he invented, Gilligan says in his book; rather, it’s a summary of how the men describe themselves, that they cannot feel anything, that their souls are dead.

He goes on to write, “They have dead souls because their souls were murdered. How did it happen?”

The answer, Gilligan says, was “a degree of violence and cruelty…in childhood…so extreme and unusual that it gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘child abuse.'”

Which is exactly how Brent Brents was created–horrific and habitual child abuse. And it doesn’t excuse his actions, but it certainly helps explain them, and understanding violence takes us one step closer toward preventing it.

As for the self description written by Brent Brents, I begin the start of nearly every chapter of  Diary of a Predator: A Memoir with an excerpt from one of his letters or from his journal (which is also featured in large portions throughout the rest of the book). This is at the start of chapter One, A Hunter at Work:

I could easily be Bundy i think he had the same fucked up
brain the release was never Achievable. What realy hurts me
deep is that there are a few things and people I can sincerely
care for and love and would never hurt but the rest of Gods
Green earth is fair Game. I am truly a fucked up dangerous
person and were the opportunities to present themselves I
would act. It hurts me to admit this. I am sorry for hurting
all those other people, Truly but how can i be any kind of
Good or decent if i cant stop my mind from Working Like it
does. I look back to when i was a kid and i realy think i went
crazy. Death is the only solution to this.
—From Brent’s journal

Leave a comment

Filed under The story

like a cat sees the lame mouse: predatory instinct

You ever see someone at a stoplight and wonder what is their life like. I still watch people you know. Listen to their petty complaints and insults about coworkers one day and play buddy buddy with them on another. I see the ones who are insecure, uncomfortable in their own skin. The ones who genuinely fear us. Others who think this job is all about who has the power. The ones who are just here for their eight hours and some overtime if they can get it.

It’s sad to see them. Not because of who they are or even the condition of their lives. But because i still see them like a cat sees the lame mouse. It’s predatory instinct so deeply embeded in me, it makes me sick about myself. I want to do it. Not to do as i used to, but honestly i get bored and i get a kick out of reading people.

Inmates are easy and i hear them and observe their actions 24/7. But all the others I have limited enteractions with. I may catch only little thirty second snippets of conversations. But i read people, only now it’s for amuzement. Some of it is for self preservation.

Brent Brents 4-15-12

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

if we are to change futures

Here’s another comment sent to this website today by Kathy, who heard the interview  on Colorado Public Radio regarding my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which is about my experiences covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents.

“Thank you so much. You told truths that are hard to hear but necessary if we are to change futures. I am glad you helped Mr. Brents find his humanity.”

You are welcome, Kathy, and it’s folks like you who take the time to connect who inspire me. So thank you for for writing.

Amy

1 Comment

Filed under The story

showing children kindness

Ryan Warner of Colorado Public Radio interviewed me regarding my book about covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and I’ve been very gratified by the positive reaction I’ve received.

Today I received a comment to this website that said in part:

“I just heard you on NPR. Kol ha’Kavod, Hebrew for ‘All the respect.’…You quoted what I think is the opening quote of the book, about showing children kindness. Please put this in a prominent place on your website…”

So here ’tis. Happy holiday, all.

November 2010
To the reader:
As you read this book, you may find yourself experiencing a wide range of emotions. But I ask of you only to keep an open mind.
You may very well find yourself full of opinion towards myself and the author. No matter how you feel about me or my actions—hate me, be wary of my sincerity if you choose—please, if you are a parent, planning on being a parent or are someone who is responsible for the wellbeing of children: Treat them with dignity, respect and love. Be good role models. Teach them empathy, compassion and integrity. Regardless of your financial, emotional and physical situations, show them how to overcome and achieve. Be loving and attentive. Listen to them, hear them, spend time with them and nurture them. Most of all, give them your heart forever so that they will become good people.
—B. Brents

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings

hellbent on the cancers of judgment/shame/blame

Note from Amy: The comment below is referring to the following post that Brent Brents wrote about one book review of  Diary of a Predator: A Memoir.

You know Some people out there Amy really don’t understand violence. Their lives are clean. The girl who wrote the review in the Daily Camera probably is one of those people. I’m glad for her. But sad to.

I think sometimes people need to know the reality. It sounds like you accomplished that in the book. -Brent Brents

And today I received this comment to the website:

Hi Amy & Brent:
The line from the article you linked that reads “when Herdy gives the perpetrator a voice, it feels wrong” is what is so wrong. If we don’t listen to what violent people say, how the hell are we ever gonna fix the problem? Seems like a no-brainer, but the dominant euro-christian culture is hellbent on the cancers of judgment/shame/blame and as long as that’s where the energy goes, change will not happen.

Sincerely,
Natasha

Leave a comment

Filed under Brents' writings