You know someday we will be able to make sense of our lives. I have a world of regrets in my life Amy. But you have Never been one Nor will you ever be. My regrets are resting upon innocent hearts and people who didn’t deserve what i did to them.
Brent Brents 3-11-12
Author Archives: Amy Herdy
innocent hearts
Filed under Brents' writings
One Survivor to Another: There are People Affected by Your Honesty and Amazing Courage
I received the following message to this website, Diary of a Predator, only yesterday. The television show the writer refers to is “On the Case with Paula Zahn,” which featured an episode on the case of serial rapist Brent Brents called “Beyond Redemption.” :
Name: Joni
Comment: Ms. Herdy–
Since first seeing the “Beyond Redemption” television show and having seen it several times since then, I’m compelled to contact you in the hope you can advise me how to proceed.
I read on your blog how respectful you are of Brent Brent’s victims and I’m so impressed by that. The last thing I want to do is cause m0re pain for any of them. This is why I need your help.
There was an Hispanic woman who was a victim of Brents’ that bravely went on the show. One thing she said effected me greatly and that I’ve never been able to forget. She was describing her feelings after the assault, one of which was “I feel stupid.” Like so many others, I have an assault in my past and I never used “stupid” to name my feelings.
But as soon as I heard her say it, I connected with her so strongly. Her affect was very, very flat and I wondered if she’d had counseling. Even now I cry for her.
What I’d like her to know more than anything is that she was never stupid, never deserving of the assault and that I know that profoundly. I will always remember her and wish her well. However, I would never want to force this contact on her or be hurtful or thoughtless.
Can you tell me the best way to proceed? If there is no way to let her know this, I accept that. I just want her to know that there are people out there who she has affected with her honesty and amazing courage.
Thank you so much for your bravery as well. You’ve taken a lot of criticism for your association with Brents.
Sincerely-Joni
So I made a phone call, and then I wrote her back.
Dear Joni,
That was a very kind and thoughtful letter.
You are referring to Margaret, and I still stay in touch with her. And your letter was so touching that I immediately called her and asked if she wanted to know what it said, and she said yes. So I read it to her.
She was very touched. She still has a lot of fear about talking to people she doesn’t know, so she wasn’t comfortable emailing you back, but she wanted me to give you this message:
“It was really nice of you to remember me after all this time. Sometimes I feel very disconnected, and your letter made me realize I’m not so alone.
What happened to me was awful, but along the way I’ve met a lot of nice people.”
As for my being brave, well, I truly think it’s folks like Margaret-and you–who take the time to connect with others who are the brave ones.
I don’t know if you’ve read the book, but I have a long section in there about Margaret, because she taught me a lot about forgiveness.
Thank you for writing.
Amy
Bearing witness to that compassionate exchange between those two amazing women helps reinforce my faith in humanity.
Filed under The story
Their lives are clean
You know Some people out there Amy really don’t understand violence. Their lives are clean. The girl who wrote the review in the Daily Camera probably is one of those people. I’m glad for her. But sad to.
I think sometimes people need to know the reality. It sounds like you accomplished that in the book (note from Amy: he’s referring to the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir).
Maybe carrying that character from the book will make her more self aware in a good way.
Brent Brents 2-25-12
Filed under Brents' writings
the Big Q
Note from Amy: This was in regard to my asking Brent if he’d be willing to help a neuro scientist understand how his brain works.
I think any opportunity to help now and in the future should be explored with an open mind.
Everyone wants to know the Big Q: Why?
A Million can ask why and do nothing. 10 can ask why and find an answer. But if the million would try to find the answer, we’d sure get there one hell of alot quicker.
Brent Brents 2-10-12 1/30 A.M.
Filed under Brents' writings
film Roll in my head
There is this film Roll in my head. And its just one among Many. And The guilt is like a cancer in me.
It’s a true brain fuck.
Brent Brents 2-2-12
Filed under Brents' writings
He found one of his victims
I was chugging through my day today when a message was sent to this website, Diary of a Predator, that stopped me in my tracks:
“So this morning i woke up, and thought ‘valentines day’ then thought ‘ugh. Brent Brents’. I did a search and found your site & book.
7 years ago today i had my near-brush with him… I had just gotten back in town from a vacation and had no idea there was a serial rapist in denver/cap-hill. It was valentines day and I was driving to my boyfriends house with a gift and expecting to have dinner.
I cut through the neighborhood behind Cheesman, and stopped at a 4-way-stop like no other. The victimized grandmother flagged me down and i let her in my car, and that night turned into something crazy.. As you know BB affected a lot of people, even me.. my world was messed up and i left that night scared, upset, and mad at myself for not doing or trying to do any more that night.. I hate valentines day, and i know why. But i don’t dare complain too much because what i went through doesn’t compare to what any of the victims went through. i’ll never forgive myself for not doing more.
I guess the point of my email is to ask if you know if the Grandmother and 2 grand-daughters are ok now?
Alain”
And I replied:
“Hi, Alain,
My first reaction to your note was, Bless your heart. And yes, he certainly did affect a lot of people, and I can certainly understand that you’ve never forgotten that night. That’s a very traumatic experience. And it doesn’t take away from anything any of the victims went through to acknowledge that. You don’t have to have the traumatic event happen to you in order to be deeply affected by it–there is such a thing as secondary post traumatic stress disorder, and that comes from witnessing someone go through a horrible event. It sounds like you did everything you could to help the grandmother, and that there’s some “survivor’s guilt” there. Just my observation.
To answer your question, no, I don’t know how the grandmother and two girls are doing today–while I was still at the Post, the family declined contact, and I respected that with the book, feeling that to contact them would be invading their privacy. I let the Denver DA’s office know before the website went up and the book came out so that they could give the victims a “heads up” about it. I do stay in touch with one of his victims, a woman from Aurora named Margaret, and life is a struggle for her every day. So yes, there’s a lot of residual damage.
It’s all so very sad.”
-And then I asked Alain if I could post his comment, and he gave me permission. And he ended his email with this:
“And ignore the haters that are mad at you for trying to understand BB, you really are giving the world a better insight to why people become what they are. Understanding & knowledge are power to change the future.”
-And so I’m left with this thought: Bless your heart, Alain. And thank you.
Filed under The story
me at 15
Having been a sociopath from a very early age and “in the system” i learned to piss people off. Especially those who were assigned as counselors….I was especially good at being sarcastic. I was also very predatory. So i watched for weakness…I was and probably still could be good at provoking anger, humiliation or embarrassment. I had an obese female counselor who i ragged on constantly about her sweat pits and fat rolls in her neck. I could make her cry. Before all was said and done i had humiliated her so badly i was able to manipulate her for sexual favors and illegal activities. That was me at 15. An asshole.
Brent Brents 8-5-11
Filed under Brents' writings
rape is a cruel torture on a human soul
So i reject the B.S. life principles my parents and others filled my head with and demonstrated for me. Why? Because i know and have known for years that i have been capable of Not blaming others, Taking responsibility for my own actions. And that i chose to hurt people solely to satisfy my own desparate emptiness and fucked up sense of emotional understanding that rape is a cruel torture on a human soul.
Brent Brents 8-10-11
Filed under Brents' writings
a 10 year old boy turned Manson overnight
My father put me in the hospital a couple of times. ONCE very serious damage was done. I got beaten and berated for Multiple ficticious and real reasons. The beatings in the early years were often drug and alcohol fueled rages. In later years he was just full of rage and didn’t need really any excuse.
Most of my families friends were predatory and i was abused by some of them to. I came to think sex by force was ok and that it was ok to screw younger kids than me. I knew deep down it probably wasn’t. It sure as hell didn’t feel right when it was happening to me. Yet i learned there was power in it. And once i did it was a way for me to escape my own shitty existence. It was as if a 10 year old boy turned Manson overnight.
I ended up in juvie Very early so i found myself being victim to bigger stronger youth. So i naturaly victimized those smaller than me. A trend i would continue throughout my life.Brent Brents 8-10-11
Filed under Brents' writings
Was His Father Also Abused?
After I asked the question, Is Being a Sociopath a Choice? in the previous blog, I received the following question to this website about serial rapist Brent Brents:
Do you know his father’s history? Was he also a victim of abuse? It’s an interesting subject. I once heard that a majority of hard core criminals had fetal alcohol poisoning.
–Connie
The answer: I have a limited amount of information regarding Brent Brent’s father’s history. According to Brent, his father told him once that he had been sexually as well as physically abused as a child.
Brent’s half sister, Shelley, who was removed from the home after her father (the same man, a different marriage) abused her and her younger brother, David, says she gathered family history from two aunts who told her that severe abuse on her father’s side had begun generations before.
I’m inclined to believe he was abused, and that it contributed to his taking out his rage upon his children. If you know anything about patterns, you know they often repeat themselves. A sad legacy.
Filed under The story
Diary of a Predator 