Category Archives: The story

Have You Ever Met a Monster? Part II

Note from Amy: Here is the next excerpt of the transcript of  my TEDx talk:

Police caught him a few days after Valentine’s Day. At the start of that weekend a detective had gotten him on the phone and said Turn yourself in, you little punk. Brent Brents essentially replied, Come find me. That weekend he raped five victims, including two children, and nearly beat a young woman to death. The DNA from those cases was processed within hours and the manhunt that followed ended in a dramatic car chase into the mountains, where police captured him at gunpoint.

This kind of story causes a media feeding frenzy. Reporters swarmed the jail, but I didn’t —I didn’t think it would do any good.

Instead, I sent him a letter on plain stationary—handwritten, two sentences: Dear Brent, I went to Arkansas where I talked to your mom and sister. If you were to ask them, they would say I treated them with dignity and respect, and I will do the same for you.

I then gave him the number to the newsroom and told him to call collect anytime. And because I figured he’d be getting a lot of hate mail, I added a note to the back that said: Please don’t be afraid to open this.

At the end of that week police released a statement about another confirmed victim of Brents. Since they protect the identity of a victim of sexual assault they will only release the cross streets close to where it happened.

Get thee to those cross streets, you and a photographer, editors said. Find this anonymous victim, and get her to talk to you.

Right.

So off we went to those cross streets and we found…a sea of rental units, like giant Legos, for rows and rows in either direction.

We knocked on doors for hours—no luck. It was close to dark when we saw a woman walking her dog—dog walkers are always great for information—and she said the handyman had told her about a woman who’d been attacked and she gave us the handyman’s door number and he gave us the victim’s door number and I knocked and a man answered and I saw this tiny, dark-haired woman hiding behind the door and I identified myself and she came out and said, “You scared me.”

Her name was Margaret. And she told me her story. Her attack was nearly three weeks earlier and she still had yellow outlines of bruises on her neck. She was coming home after running errands when Brents had rushed her at her front door. She had seen him before-she figured he had stalked her for about three days. She fought him, and he beat and choked her before he raped her.

Margaret pointed to her couch, which had a big chunk cut out of the upholstery. The police had taken it for evidence because that was where the rape had happened. When you can’t afford a new couch, and you can’t afford to break your rental lease and move—and Margaret couldn’t—then you have to live with reminders of your worst nightmare.

She said the police had told her it would take about two months to process the DNA. They gave her no hope of solving her case. Then she saw a story about Brents being wanted on T.V. and recognized his mug shot as her attacker.

One of the last things she said to me that night really struck me. She said, “I hate him, yet I still feel sorry for him. An animal, poor creature.”

A week later Brents called me.

One of the first things he said to me was, “I’m not going to give you anything.”

I love it when people call me and say I’m not going to talk to you. “OK!”

Then he said he had one question for me, and anything further depended on my answer.

And he said, “Everybody says they hate me, that I’m a monster. Do you think so?”

And without thinking I said, No, I don’t. You’ve done monstrous things, but I don’t consider you a monster.

And that’s how we started a correspondence. I did so on one condition: that he tell me the truth. In one letter he wrote, “Don’t trip I’ve actually stood two feet away from you in an elevator” and rolling my eyes I pulled out a piece of paper to fire back that we had a deal, so don’t try to b.s. me—when I realized it had indeed been him on the elevator that day, the man who had stared at me and whose very presence had caused me to run to the newsroom like a frightened rabbit.

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What I Said During the TEDx Talk: Have You Ever Met a Monster? Part I

Note from Amy: A woman contacted me the other day and said she would love to have the transcript of what I said during my TEDx talk.

So as not to overwhelm readers, I will post it in excerpts, starting with this first one:

Have you ever met a monster? someone so scary they alerted the reptilian part of your brain?

One morning as I was going to my job as a criminal justice reporter in Denver, I stepped into a crowded elevator, faced front and got the sense someone behind me in that was watching me. I glanced over my shoulder to see this man staring at me in a very calculating way, with cold shark eyes. So I stared back—and my look said, Rude person! and he didn’t drop his eyes, so I ended that contest and turned back around, alarm bells sounding in my head. I instantly decided I didn’t want him to know which floor was mine, so at the next stop just before the doors came together I darted out at the last minute, and then I flew up the stairs and ran into the newsroom, my heart pounding.

The fear of monsters is instinctive.

In Denver in 2005 reports of a serial rapist had residents so frightened some were carrying baseball bats.

Police released his name, Brent Brents, and the media scrambled to find out whatever we could on this guy. A reporter at the rival newspaper got Brents’ sister in Arkansas on the phone, and she said, “He deserves whatever he gets” before hanging up. One sentence, but, we’d been scooped!

Get thee on a plane to Arkansas, my editors said. Find his family, and get them to talk. So I did. Brent’ mother described him as willful, intelligent. He had grown up hunting and fishing, ran track, wrestled, boxed. He had a learning disorder, and became frustrated, then angry, in school. He started smoking pot and drinking at age 10, and that’s when he began beating his mother. When he was 13 he pulled a switch on a railroad track and was sent to juvenile detention, where he was in and out until the age of 18 when he was convicted of raping two children. He served sixteen years in prison before being released without supervision.

His sister mentioned that Brent had a lot of anger toward their father, who had died the year before.

So I turned to the mom and said, I’m sorry to ask, but this is a standard question when someone sexually abuses others. Was Brent ever abused as a child?

There was a long pause. And then looking down she said, Brent makes up all kinds of lies.

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Have You Ever Met a Monster?

Giving a TEDx talk was not on my bucket list.

But a friend sent me a link to submit a talk proposal and before I knew it, I faced the daunting task of trying to condense this story–of how covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents changed my life–into 18 minutes.

Two days before the scheduled date of the talk, I threw out my back (I wish I could say I was bungee jumping, or ice climbing, but the truth is I was emptying a wheelbarrow full of horse manure into a compost bin), resulting in a) no sleep and b) shooting pain with every step.

So the finished product is not pretty. It’s not full of video or power point dazzle. But those 18 minutes contain some tough truths about rape, sexual assault, incest, child sexual abuse, and, most startling of all, forgiveness. I wanted to share it with you, so click on my TEDx talk here: “Have You Ever Met a Monster?”

And then let me know what you think.

–Amy

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psychiatric patients fighting globally for human rights & better treatment protocols

Reader Comment: I sure object to the listing of NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) under the resource column on the left of the screen. NIMH does not address issues of trauma and only seeks to medicalize human experience- the disease model. NIMH would tell you Brent Brents was born with a biological disease that caused him to do the things he did, and would discount his early life experiences completely. Psychiatry, despite all evidence to the contrary, is intent on proving this model, which we fight against. I am a member of the CSX movement, psychiatric patients fighting globally for human rights & better treatment protocols, and I reference your book ALL THE TIME in our dialogues. (not to mention I lived in Denver at the the time, and also worked at 6th Avenue Pets) I plan to bring you & the book up tomorrow night (02.21) on BlogTalk Radio, Late Night with a Hero, which is why I came over to take a look at your website). –Amy Smith

Hi, Amy,
Thank you for the thoughtful feedback. I did not realize that distinction; I have now removed NIMH from the website.
It’s very gratifying that you have used the book and the website to help raise awareness. Brents would be glad as well–I will let him know.
Regards,
Amy Herdy

We are, as a people, frustrated and outraged at every step of the way.  We have few basic human rights (in Colorado, a person can be taken from their home in the middle of the night, with no information given to anyone regarding possible destination, with no due process, and can be held for five business days, which can span two weekends in some circumstances), our treatment protocols are driven by industry greed like no other, with little science to back up the subjective, nebulous criteria in the DSM, treatment guidelines or suggested medical protocols.  The drugs are addictive, seriously damaging, and cause serious comorbid disease.  New treatments in the pipeline are even worse- implants, shock & surgery- ALL with absolutely no valid or robust scientific foundation.  It is appalling, but no one really cares about us much and we are very expensive.  

The industry lies with impunity (no such thing as a chemical imbalance, for example) and now, states are using fear-driven tactics to grow the infrastructure.  There are bills pending in front of the U.S. legislature that have the stated intent of pre-emptively incarcerating up to one in five citizens who are “mentally ill” but dont know it!  The FDA is attempting to declassify shock devices and redacting ALL of the negative comments of survivors of shock and making the requirements for reporting so arduous it is difficult to get a single word to them- and then they delete it!  I have friends who have already left the United States and many more who are planning on it if the situation gets much worse.
The worse part is that trauma treatment protocols DO work, as do many socially-oriented programs and simple social supports.  Brent’s statement to the readers at the beginning of the book is one of the most important statements that can be spoken in the world today, and if all took heed, psychiatry would be eliminated in two generations.  There is no biological disease; it is trauma.  Even NIMH’s data show that, but they disregard, so I TRULY appreciate you taking that down.  I know some trauma resources, if you are interested, to refer folks to.
Thank you for being so responsive, and THANK YOU for writing Diary of a Predator.    –Amy Smith, director of MindFreedom Colorado

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Hurt people hurt people

The following comment was sent to this Diary of a Predator website two weeks ago by a mother who is also an author, and refers to a courageous young man who is stepping forward to talk about his sexual abuse–crashing through those barriers of shame and blame:

Hi Amy, I just finished your book and it was an education into what I’ve always believed to be true… Hurt people hurt people. My book JUST ONE BOY: the unintentional legacy of early childhood neglect and abuse was published last year. My stepson has sexually assaulted and raped 36 children before my son, his half brother, told me about his abuse. We speak at many Colorado conferences yearly. I almost lost my son to suicide but at 17, he decided to speak out about his abuse. Google him for more info on his work Matthew Anckner.

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Reader: we are all still human

Note from Amy: I received the following message via Facebook:

Hello – Your Diary of a Predator (I found it shortly after printing, at the Boulder Book Store on Pearl St.) is so powerful. Maybe it helped me end an abusive marriage, although at that time I was hearing a lot of wake up calls. The parallels you show between your life and B. Brents are sobering. Inspiring too, that we are all still human. Or at least I think we are… Re-reading now, it is just as powerful.

-Valerie

May 19 8:05 p.m.

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what creates sexual abusers

Note from Amy: The following comments were sent to this Diary of a Predator website on May 30 by a viewer who watched the Paula Zahn episode on Investigation Discovery detailing the case of convicted serial rapist Brent Brents. It’s always heartening to me when people understand the importance of “why.” It’s the reason I continue this work.

Here are the comments:

Hello Amy, I applaud your efforts to understand what creates sexual abusers. As someone who has known several victims of sexual abuse I feel that it is very important to understand the psychological causes of the compulsion to violently sexually dominate others. I hope that I can one day contribute as much to society as you have…

I first saw your story on Paula Zahn and I was impressed with your commitment to presenting both sides of the story, no matter how repugnant Brent Brents actions were.

-Eric Washington

 

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the real monster

Note from Amy: This comment was sent by a viewer at the end of May to this Diary of a Predator website regarding Brent Brents:

I so agree with u he isn’t a monster,he has done monsterest things. I believe the real monster is his parents and the justice system that has failed him since he was just a baby boy.

-Theresa

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this book gave them closure

Note from Amy: The following comments were sent to this Diary of a Predator website and were apparently from a relative of Brent Brents who watched his story on Investigation Discovery:

Brent is my cousin. I have never met him. His father is my Mother’s brother. My sister was 7 when our Mother’s brother RAPED her in Arizona. What he did to my sister was BRUTAL and she never forgot. I met Brents father in Oklahoma at a reunion I also met Brents sister. (He) begged my Mothers forgiveness with his Christian act… My Mother and sister have passed recently and this book gave them closure and exposed my Uncle for the EVIL he was.

It is true the VIOLENT ABUSE that my cousin was subjected to. My heart goes out to ALL THE VICTIMS..INCLUDING MY COUSIN BRENT BRENTS AND TO MY SISTER WHO PASSED NOV 1ST 2013.

-Susie

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what child abuse is doing to our society

Note from Amy:

A book club in Iowa recently read Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and then reached out to me through this Diary of a Predator website to see if I would answer questions by phone during their book discussion. I did, and found them to be a very thoughtful and engaged group of women. Shortly afterward, one of them sent me this message:

Thank you, Amy, for the phone conversation with our book club. Thank you for writing Brent’s story. It was hard to read, but everyone should read it and try to understand what child abuse is doing to our society. You wrote so well that we all can gain knowledge and have hope that it will make a difference. Thank you.

-Delores

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