Author Archives: Amy Herdy

by | February 5, 2012 · 10:18 pm

Is Being a Sociopath a Choice?

Someone recently said this about my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which is about my experience covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents:

“Yes, he had a troubled childhood, however so many others do and don’t become a sociopath.”

That line started me thinking: Does someone choose to become a sociopath?  I started looking up research, which points to three factors that contribute to someone being a sociopath:

1. Genetics. Where Brents is concerned, that’s a check. Records and accounts from family members indicate that Brents’ father was a violent, sadistic man. The two children from his second marriage were removed from the home because of his abuse, and Brents and his brother, the product of his father’s third marriage, were removed from the home but records show Brents was returned for unknown reasons.

2. Brain abnormality, either caused from genetics or brain injury. Check. When he was 12, Brents suffered a left orbital blowout fracture (his left eye socket was crushed) and he had seizures ever since.  Research indicates that a sociopath’s brain is different from a normal brain–that it has little activity in the orbital cortex, the area of the brain that controls behavior.

3. Child abuse. Check. Brents’ severe, systematic abuse at the hands of his father is documented in medical records.

I’m not saying these factors are an excuse for the violence Brents upon others. He still ultimately made choices.  But perhaps it could explain why someone like Brents demonstrated such violence and  a lack of empathy–because his brain was predisposed toward it, lacked the ability to recognize the consequences of it on others and the abuse inflicted upon him was his model.

 

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by | January 31, 2012 · 10:50 pm

Sundance, The Invisible War, Mary J. Blige and Compassion

Talking with Mary J. Blige

A very tired me (right) talks with Mary J. Blige the night of the Sundance premier of the documentary The Invisible War. | Photo by Matt Claussen

After the Sundance screening of the incredibly powerful documentary The Invisible War, Mary J. Blige gave an interview where she talked candidly about being abandoned by her father and being sexually abused in her childhood, and how she’s worked at healing.

Mary J.’s song “Need Someone” plays over the documentary’s closing credits as they scroll over photo after photo of soldiers who have suffered military sexual trauma. It packs an emotional wallop at the end of a film that grabs you from the start and doesn’t let go. Mary J. has also announced plans to write an original song for the film.

I talked to her afterward–I was at the premier because I’m in the film talking about what I learned as a journalist reporting on military sexual trauma–and I found her to be an amazing woman. I have huge respect for her.

She told me that she has forgiven her father, a Vietnam vet, for leaving his family, and that after years of estrangement they now stay in touch.

“If you hang on to that anger,” she said, “it’s poison-like drinking Draino.”

I’m always heartened, and humbled, when I encounter people like her.  Those beliefs of compassion and forgiveness are threaded throughout Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, as demonstrated by some of the inspirational people in the book.

Hate gets you nowhere. Compassion and forgiveness heal. People who join together for a worthy cause can accomplish great things, which The Invisible War has already shown–there is now legislation pending to correct a flawed military justice system regarding sexual assaults.

And finally, one person’s caring can make a difference. Thanks for the reminder, Mary J. I’m really looking forward to your song.

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by | January 17, 2012 · 6:00 am

A Tale of Two Predators, Indeed

A tale of two PredatorsI always brace myself when other media interview me, but Boulder Weekly Art & Entertainment Editor David Accomazzo was able to tackle the complicated elements of my book about covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and hone in on its essence in an articulate way:

“Herdy tells her side of her strange, unsettling relationship with the serial rapist in her book, Diary of a Predator. It’s a true crime retelling of  Brents’ story, but it’s also what Herdy calls a “dual memoir.” It’s both the story of Brents’ horrific childhood as well as an intensely personal, revealing look at Herdy’s role as the journalist telling his story, and the effect it wrought on her and her family. She describes the book in the prologue as ‘the tale of two predators — one a criminal, the other a journalist.'”

Read the rest of David’s piece: http://www.boulderweekly.com/article-7316-a-tale-of-two-predators.html

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by | January 15, 2012 · 1:19 pm

A Conversation on Forgiveness

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Stephanie
Date: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 4:08 PM
Subject:
To: Amy Herdy

Conversation Cameron and I JUST had. I thought you’d be amused.

Steph:  I’m okay at understanding and forgiveness if it’s something done against me. But if someone hurts someone I love, it’s a completely different story.  However, I have found myself to be more close minded and judgmental than I would like to admit.
Cameron:  really? didn’t expect that, to be honest. and i can forgive anything done to me not so much to others.
Steph:  I’m trying to force myself to see other people’s perspective when I don’t agree with them, and I find that to be very difficult.
Cameron:  fair. someone’s reading amy’s book.
Steph:  hahahahaha. finished it yesterday.

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by | January 11, 2012 · 11:37 am

Reader: It Will Stay with Me Forever

This comment was sent to me through the Diary of a Predator website just this morning from a woman in the U.K. who read my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir. I’m sharing this letter because it underscores exactly why I wrote the book. It’s incredibly gratifying to know people like her exist:

“I just finished reading your book and I have to say it was amazing.  I am very interested in the criminal mind and am sure I have missed my calling as a criminal psychologist/forensic person and this is the book I have been waiting for.  I watch loads of show on serial offenders, loads of psychology, read true crime, etc, and the ‘why’ has always fascinated me.  I found myself laughing at Brent, crying with you, and getting so angry at the reporter who got him put into solitary that it surprised me!!

I would like to thank you for writing this book, for the courage it took both you and Brent Brents to write it and for the compassion you have.  I am a Wiccan and my husband is a Buddhist, and I am filled with empathy for people who others shudder to think how anyone could have.  We are always trying to grow in that way and to use compassion as our compass and you have shown me a new way to do so, you and other people in the book, such as Margaret and Ellen (I think?  woman who lost her daughter in a car crash).  There is always, always, another story underneath the ones we see on the surface and you have proved that in a way that totally surprised me.  I feared he would kill himself before he found something worthy in himself to himself, and that fact surprised me.  I really felt sorrow and sadness for how his life ended up.  And I hope that he continues to grow in the way he was in the book.  To feel that in spite of what he did his life is worth something.

Amazing.  Thanks for writing this book, thanks for showing it from the side of the predator and thanks to Brent for being so honest.  It will stay with me forever, the story and the lesson. Thanks to you both.  Great courage you both displayed.  Amazing.”

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by | January 2, 2012 · 9:08 pm

IRS-Instant Rage Syndrome

A few weeks ago, I got a message to this site for Brent Brents that said in part:

“…i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my gentics.You made a choice to become what you are.”
The message was from a woman named Shelley, who is Brent’s half sister. She and her brother David were children from Brent’s father Ron and a different wife. Like Brent, they were both physically and sexually abused by their father. Unlike Brent, they were both removed from the home after the father threw a 3-year-old David into the television set.
Also like Brent, Shelley says she has struggled all her life with something she calls IRS, or Instant Rage Syndrome. Her saving grace, she said, was having children; she swore she would not repeat the pattern of violence.
I sent Brent her message, and he wrote back:
First of all i am sorry that he hurt you and David. And that it damaged you two in ways i am all to familiar with. Having said that, you may or may not be thinking coming from me, it’s meaningless. Please know in my heart i truly am sorry. Six years ago i wouldn’t have gave a shit about you or anyone else.
Secondly, i spent roughly 30 + years using his bullshit as my excuse to fuck the world and get all i could. I chose rape because i knew the emotional toll it takes on a persons soul. I don’t use excuses or copouts anymore. No excuse is good enough to warrant all that i have done over the years.
My eyes are wide open Now, my heart is no longer black with rage. I even feel love, compassion and empathy. Alot of people assume that i feel sorry for myself, for ending up in prison. That was the case at one point. Now i know i belong here.
Amy told me about your rage issue. We share that you and i. I can be fine and happy one minute, and the next something so tiny can set me off. I avoided Mental health Meds until about six months ago. Oh Man what a help. Some of the side effects really suck. But honestly i regret Not having been open to them 20 years ago.
Having said all this i truly am sorry Shelley that you and David had to suffer the ways you did. And i am also sorry about David. I know first hand what being Rons child is like, And it sucked to watch him Literaly Fuck us and beat us all to a tiny spec of collective obedience of God Ron worshippers, brain washed and scared to death.
I am really not angry any more. Mostly Sad…
It’s None of my business, but it seems like we all somehow have a Mental health disorder or disease. As you have aged have you gotten better or worse? Mine seems to have gotten worse over the last 10 years. So much so that i have to take a staggering amount of drugs to maintain from hour to hour-day to day. My rage got to a point of helplessness. I Literally Could Not explain to anyone how it felt to have this Hateful, bitter rage, Combine this obsessive, compulsivety for violence and sexual violence.
Shame and regret are Constant companions. None of what i did to those i hurt makes any Kind of sense. I get to see my face in a mirror 3x a week and all i can see staring back is the one person i swore i would Never become.
Don’t think i am trying to soften you up. Trying to be all Brother and Sister. Quite frankly, there are only two people i trust and want any kind of relationships with. It’s all i can handle…
And yes Shelley i made choices. Ones that haunt my every minute of my life. Your post on the website reads kind of bitter. Amy said it may be because there is No One left in our family to lash out at. So if it’s me you lash out at, I am Ok with that. It’s Not a Martyr thing. I just know how it was when my outrage fell on deaf ears.
And most importantly Shelley it does my heart good to know that at least one of us can carry on this families blood, without the violence and sickness. I have to close now my tremors are getting to bad to write.
Sincerely,
B.     -Brent Brents, 12-18-11

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by | December 10, 2011 · 6:00 am

The fear is often not exclusive to the victim.

So what i was going to finish this with is that there’s a sick irony in this. The fear is often not exclusive to the victim.

I should know.

The fear can also be exciting for the attacker. It was for me at times. So Women Should try Not to panic. It’s scary but Most attackers are Not expecting a brutal fight from a woman. All victims have the right to fight with every bit of their being to fend off an attacker.

Well enough of my thoughts.

-Brent Brents 11-28-11

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by | December 8, 2011 · 6:00 am

a Rapist endorsing a self defense style

Oh have you ever heard of KRAV MAGA? It’s a self defense class taught all over the country. You should see if you can find out if it has websites so you can put a link to them. So women can learn some self Defense techniques. I like this better than most because it’s a No bullshit style of self defense training. Remember i once told you the first 30 seconds of an attack were crucial for the woman or child to cause as much pain as possible or raise an alarm to others. KRAV Maga is great at teaching women to do this.

I know how ironic a Rapist endorsing a self defense style. the Sad thing in all of this, is that even with the classes most women will be surprised with an initial violent blow or controlling choke hold that causes panic and they will forget what they were taught. I say fight like you’ve Never had to fight. Spill the attackers blood, scratch, kick, bite. But above all don’t panic. Panic is Next to committing Mental suicide.

There are Attackers who are intent on Killing their victims, it sucks but it’s what they do. There are the ones who panic when the victim panics and Kill to regain control of the situation, the victim and themselves. There are the attackers who accidentally Kill the victims. Then there are those with psycological or physical agendas.

All dangerous. But i have been in enough therapy groups to know Panic is Most likely to cause an attacker to panic.

-Brent Brents 11-27-11

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by | December 6, 2011 · 6:00 am

It’s not your everyday kind of commercial

When I first heard the commercial on the radio, I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never heard a public awareness campaign about child sexual abuse, but that’s exactly what it was, on behalf of the Denver Children’s Advocacy Center. So, bravo, DCAC. Keep it up.

The public service announcement urged listeners to know the facts about child sexual abuse, and referred back to their website, where I found some sobering stats, including:

  • In the United States, 15 children are sexually abused ever hour.
  • 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys are sexually abused by their 18th birthday.
  • Without treatment, one-third of abused and neglected children will eventually victimize their own children.

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by | December 4, 2011 · 10:44 pm

the child of a monster

It’s not often that I’m floored by a comment to this website. But I was stunned by this one, addressed to Brent from a woman who identified herself as Shelley:

” i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my genetics.You made a choice to become what you are. We all have a past we must deal with. Some of us talk or cry and some of us Brents relive the crimes that were done to us on others. you made a choice.”

I emailed Shelley, and she emailed back, and then we talked on the phone–and yes, she is legit–she is Brent Brent’s half sister.    And I told her that I agree with her, and that Brent has said the same on many occasions–that he made his choices.

As for Shelley–she is an amazing person–resilient, smart, and kind. She has her own story to tell, and it’s horrifying and it’s tragic, but she survived. I’ll let Shelley decide what she wants to share. The bottom line is, she chose a different life, and didn’t let its beginning define her.

It’s heartening to me that people like Shelley exist.

-Amy

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