Tag Archives: Diary of a predator

by | July 17, 2012 · 7:35 pm

Dear diary

Dear diary of a predator,

I love your blog and what you have done with your work in your writing. I had a mother that was schizophrenic and had committed suicide.

My name is Lydia and I was a foster child and now an aspiring filmmaker. I am writing you because I think that you may like what I am writing about and I like to connect with others that I could learn from and share stories with. I was given six banker boxes of documented abuse. It was very cold and factual with no life or love in it. So I decided to start publishing original journal entries from childhood between my cousin and I.

I named it Izzie and Eden’s Diary.

We used to write our secrets and plan escapes in it. I hope you stop by and take a look. It is very important to me to share it and keep the story alive. Take care and I look forward to reading more of your post!

Sincerely, Lydia

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by | July 1, 2012 · 3:16 pm

something more than just a band-aid

The following message was sent to this website, Diary of a Predator, and it helps remind me why I do this work:

“I just watched Paula Zahns “On the Case” about Brent Brents. I just wanted you to know that as I watched, I immediately understood your frame of reference for the way you “looked at” Mr. Brents. I also understood why so many people don’t “get it.”

“Many folks can only see what is directly in front of them; few have the vision to see/understand that there is a bigger picture (and I’m talking in most things, not just this case). Trying to understand all the elements of an issue is the only way to truly identify a “solution” that will be something more than just a band-aid.

“But not everyone has that gift; that ability, so the occurrence of being misunderstand is frequent. Your road is not an easy one then. But I truly believe it is people like you; people who CAN step back from their “reactions” to see a bigger picture, that will ultimately be the facilitators of meaningful changes.

“You have both courage and compassion Amy. Stay strong.”
Kate

Time: Wednesday June 20, 2012 at 5:51 pm

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by | June 22, 2012 · 9:55 pm

Why Did Jerry Sandusky Do It?

There are many studies that link child sexual abuse to that person becoming a perpetrator in later life, and Diary of a Predator: A Memoir is a perfect case study of that–Brent Brents committed crimes that were a direct reflection of the abuse he received as a child.

 If you look at Jerry Sandusky’s childhood circumstances, you can see that he could very well have been a victim of child sexual abuse. When Jerry Sandusky was six–a vulnerable age–his family moved into an upstairs apartment of the Brownson House, a recreation center for troubled boys. By all accounts, thousands of troubled youth passed through that center, which included facilities for basketball, football and baseball-and which would have included locker rooms with showers (details from Jerry Sandusky’s case include him sexually abusing boys in a locker room shower).
 The following is from a study by the British Journal of Psychiatry in 2001:
The risk of being a perpetrator is enhanced by prior victim experiences, doubled for incest, more so for peodophilia, and even higher for those exposed to both peodophilia and incest. This suggests that, in this selected sample, the experience of being a victim of peodophilia may have a more powerful causative influence in giving rise to the subject becoming a perpetrator than does incest, and the joint experience of being exposed to both peodophilia and incest has the most powerful effect.
  This view is supported by the frequent clinical finding that the abuser’s target age-group is usually limited to the age when he was himself abused. The abusive act is a traumatic one — however cooperative the victim might appear to be — and the change from being the passive victim to the active perpetrator, making use of the mechanism of identification with the aggressor, is the way in which some victims repeatedly attempt to master the trauma. The use of psychological mechanisms, particularly splitting and denial, which enable the abuser to believe he is being benevolent when he is being abusive, are further characteristics which the victim acquires through his identification with the perpetrator.
-It sounds like that’s exactly what Jerry Sandusky did.  And it’s definitely what Brent Brents did–he became a perpetrator in order to try to gain control over his feelings of helplessness, rage and victimization.

It does not excuse the horrible actions of either man, neither Brent Brents nor Jerry Sandusky. But it does help explain them.

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by | June 3, 2012 · 7:20 pm

Gods Green earth is fair Game

I’m including an except below from serial rapist Brent Brents’ journal that’s in my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, because of its chilling self description.

But first, something from James Gilligan: “The living dead.”

-That’s a term for violent men from the book, Violence: Reflections On A National Epidemic, by James Gilligan, M.D., and it resonates with me because it’s similar to how Brent Brents describes himself.

Gilligan, who directed the Center for the Study of Violence at Harvard Medical School, is the former medical director of the Bridgewater State Hospital for the criminally insane and was director of mental health for the Massachusetts prison system.

To call violent prison inmates “the living dead” is not a metaphor he invented, Gilligan says in his book; rather, it’s a summary of how the men describe themselves, that they cannot feel anything, that their souls are dead.

He goes on to write, “They have dead souls because their souls were murdered. How did it happen?”

The answer, Gilligan says, was “a degree of violence and cruelty…in childhood…so extreme and unusual that it gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘child abuse.'”

Which is exactly how Brent Brents was created–horrific and habitual child abuse. And it doesn’t excuse his actions, but it certainly helps explain them, and understanding violence takes us one step closer toward preventing it.

As for the self description written by Brent Brents, I begin the start of nearly every chapter of  Diary of a Predator: A Memoir with an excerpt from one of his letters or from his journal (which is also featured in large portions throughout the rest of the book). This is at the start of chapter One, A Hunter at Work:

I could easily be Bundy i think he had the same fucked up
brain the release was never Achievable. What realy hurts me
deep is that there are a few things and people I can sincerely
care for and love and would never hurt but the rest of Gods
Green earth is fair Game. I am truly a fucked up dangerous
person and were the opportunities to present themselves I
would act. It hurts me to admit this. I am sorry for hurting
all those other people, Truly but how can i be any kind of
Good or decent if i cant stop my mind from Working Like it
does. I look back to when i was a kid and i realy think i went
crazy. Death is the only solution to this.
—From Brent’s journal

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by | April 1, 2012 · 8:50 am

hellbent on the cancers of judgment/shame/blame

Note from Amy: The comment below is referring to the following post that Brent Brents wrote about one book review of  Diary of a Predator: A Memoir.

You know Some people out there Amy really don’t understand violence. Their lives are clean. The girl who wrote the review in the Daily Camera probably is one of those people. I’m glad for her. But sad to.

I think sometimes people need to know the reality. It sounds like you accomplished that in the book. -Brent Brents

And today I received this comment to the website:

Hi Amy & Brent:
The line from the article you linked that reads “when Herdy gives the perpetrator a voice, it feels wrong” is what is so wrong. If we don’t listen to what violent people say, how the hell are we ever gonna fix the problem? Seems like a no-brainer, but the dominant euro-christian culture is hellbent on the cancers of judgment/shame/blame and as long as that’s where the energy goes, change will not happen.

Sincerely,
Natasha

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by | March 17, 2012 · 8:32 pm

One Survivor to Another: There are People Affected by Your Honesty and Amazing Courage

I received the following message to this website, Diary of a Predator, only yesterday. The television show the writer refers to is “On the Case with Paula Zahn,” which featured an episode on the case of serial rapist Brent Brents called “Beyond Redemption.” :

Name: Joni
Comment: Ms. Herdy–

Since first seeing the “Beyond Redemption” television show and having seen it several times since then, I’m compelled to contact you in the hope you can advise me how to proceed.

I read on your blog how respectful you are of Brent Brent’s victims and I’m so impressed by that. The last thing I want to do is cause m0re pain for any of them. This is why I need your help.

There was an Hispanic woman who was a victim of Brents’ that bravely went on the show. One thing she said effected me greatly and that I’ve never been able to forget. She was describing her feelings after the assault, one of which was “I feel stupid.” Like so many others, I have an assault in my past and I never used “stupid” to name my feelings.

But as soon as I heard her say it, I connected with her so strongly. Her affect was very, very flat and I wondered if she’d had counseling. Even now I cry for her.

What I’d like her to know more than anything is that she was never stupid, never deserving of the assault and that I know that profoundly. I will always remember her and wish her well. However, I would never want to force this contact on her or be hurtful or thoughtless.

Can you tell me the best way to proceed? If there is no way to let her know this, I accept that. I just want her to know that there are people out there who she has affected with her honesty and amazing courage.

Thank you so much for your bravery as well. You’ve taken a lot of criticism for your association with Brents.

Sincerely-Joni

So I made a phone call, and then I wrote her back.

Dear Joni,

That was a very kind and thoughtful letter.

You are referring to Margaret, and I still stay in touch with her. And your letter was so touching that I immediately called her and asked if  she wanted to know what it said, and she said yes. So I read it to her.

She was very touched. She still has a lot of fear about talking to people she doesn’t know, so she wasn’t comfortable emailing you back, but she wanted me to give you this message:

“It was really nice of you to remember me after all this time. Sometimes I feel very disconnected, and your letter made me realize I’m not so alone.

What happened to me was awful, but along the way I’ve met a lot of nice people.”

As for my being brave, well, I truly think it’s folks like Margaret-and you–who take the time to connect with others who are the brave ones.

I don’t know if you’ve read the book, but I have a long section in there about Margaret, because she taught me a lot about forgiveness.

Thank you for writing.

Amy

Bearing witness to that compassionate exchange between those two amazing women helps reinforce my faith in humanity.

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by | March 10, 2012 · 7:12 pm

Their lives are clean

You know Some people out there Amy really don’t understand violence. Their lives are clean. The girl who wrote the review in the Daily Camera probably is one of those people. I’m glad for her. But sad to.

I think sometimes people need to know the reality. It sounds like you accomplished that in the book (note from Amy: he’s referring to the book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir).

Maybe carrying that character from the book will make her more self aware in a good way.

Brent Brents 2-25-12

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by | February 14, 2012 · 9:55 pm

He found one of his victims

I was chugging through my day today when a message was sent to this website, Diary of a Predator, that stopped me in my tracks:

“So this morning i woke up, and thought ‘valentines day’ then thought ‘ugh. Brent Brents’.  I did a search and found your site & book.
7 years ago today i had my near-brush with him…  I had just gotten back in town from a vacation and had no idea there was a serial rapist in denver/cap-hill.  It was valentines day and I was driving to my boyfriends house with a gift and expecting to have dinner.
I cut through the neighborhood behind Cheesman, and stopped at a 4-way-stop like no other.  The victimized grandmother flagged me down and i let her in my car, and that night turned into something crazy..  As you know BB affected a lot of people, even me.. my world was messed up and i left that night scared, upset, and mad at myself for not doing or trying to do any more that night.. I hate valentines day, and i know why.  But i don’t dare complain too much because what i went through doesn’t compare to what any of the victims went through.  i’ll never forgive myself for not doing more.
I guess the point of my email is to ask if you know if the Grandmother and 2 grand-daughters are ok now?

Alain”

And I replied:

“Hi, Alain,

My first reaction to your note was, Bless your heart. And yes, he certainly did affect a lot of people, and I can certainly understand that you’ve never forgotten that night. That’s a very traumatic experience. And it doesn’t take away from anything any of the victims went through to acknowledge that. You don’t have to have the traumatic event happen to you in order to be deeply affected by it–there is such a thing as secondary post traumatic stress disorder, and that comes from witnessing someone go through a horrible event. It sounds like you did everything you could to help the grandmother, and that there’s some “survivor’s guilt” there. Just my observation.

To answer your question, no, I don’t know how the grandmother and two girls are doing today–while I was still at the Post, the family declined contact, and I respected that with the book, feeling that to contact them would be invading their privacy.  I let the Denver DA’s office know before the website went up and the book came out so that they could give the victims a “heads up” about it. I do stay in touch with one of his victims, a woman from Aurora named Margaret, and life is a struggle for her every day. So yes, there’s a lot of residual damage.

It’s all so very sad.”

-And then I asked Alain if I could post his comment, and he gave me permission. And he ended his email with this:

“And ignore the haters that are mad at you for trying to understand BB, you really are giving the world a better insight to why people become what they are.  Understanding & knowledge are power to change the future.”

-And so I’m left with this thought: Bless your heart, Alain. And thank you.

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by | February 5, 2012 · 10:18 pm

Is Being a Sociopath a Choice?

Someone recently said this about my book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, which is about my experience covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents:

“Yes, he had a troubled childhood, however so many others do and don’t become a sociopath.”

That line started me thinking: Does someone choose to become a sociopath?  I started looking up research, which points to three factors that contribute to someone being a sociopath:

1. Genetics. Where Brents is concerned, that’s a check. Records and accounts from family members indicate that Brents’ father was a violent, sadistic man. The two children from his second marriage were removed from the home because of his abuse, and Brents and his brother, the product of his father’s third marriage, were removed from the home but records show Brents was returned for unknown reasons.

2. Brain abnormality, either caused from genetics or brain injury. Check. When he was 12, Brents suffered a left orbital blowout fracture (his left eye socket was crushed) and he had seizures ever since.  Research indicates that a sociopath’s brain is different from a normal brain–that it has little activity in the orbital cortex, the area of the brain that controls behavior.

3. Child abuse. Check. Brents’ severe, systematic abuse at the hands of his father is documented in medical records.

I’m not saying these factors are an excuse for the violence Brents upon others. He still ultimately made choices.  But perhaps it could explain why someone like Brents demonstrated such violence and  a lack of empathy–because his brain was predisposed toward it, lacked the ability to recognize the consequences of it on others and the abuse inflicted upon him was his model.

 

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by | January 17, 2012 · 6:00 am

A Tale of Two Predators, Indeed

A tale of two PredatorsI always brace myself when other media interview me, but Boulder Weekly Art & Entertainment Editor David Accomazzo was able to tackle the complicated elements of my book about covering the case of serial rapist Brent Brents, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, and hone in on its essence in an articulate way:

“Herdy tells her side of her strange, unsettling relationship with the serial rapist in her book, Diary of a Predator. It’s a true crime retelling of  Brents’ story, but it’s also what Herdy calls a “dual memoir.” It’s both the story of Brents’ horrific childhood as well as an intensely personal, revealing look at Herdy’s role as the journalist telling his story, and the effect it wrought on her and her family. She describes the book in the prologue as ‘the tale of two predators — one a criminal, the other a journalist.'”

Read the rest of David’s piece: http://www.boulderweekly.com/article-7316-a-tale-of-two-predators.html

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