Hey i got the card you sent me. You are a blessing to me Amy. I’m alive today because of you. You’ve taught me a great deal about being a good human being. I do struggle with some things, but i fight the good fight because you inspire me to do so.
-Brent Brents 12-25-12
Tag Archives: Brent Brents
i fight the good fight
Filed under Brents' writings
Viewer: “Indeed we are not the one to judge another”
Note from Amy: I received the message below to this website, Diary of a Predator, earlier this week, after a viewer saw an interview with me regarding the case of Brent Brents featured on the show, “On the Case with Paula Zahn.”
Messages like this are always interesting to receive, and sometimes gratifying, especially when I asked the writer where he saw the Paula Zahn show: “Belgium.”
There are no borders when like-minded people relate to one another.
-Amy
Dear Amy,
“We are all connected and responsible for each other.” –Very well said. People sending hate mails to you are not in connection with themselves and do not understand the reason of our existence, the reason of our being. They keep the focus on the negative energy, thus enhancing this negative energy with all consequences for the future.
The negative energy hasn’t been neutralized or turned into positive energy, spiritually speaking. However you’ve at least neutralized the negative energy created by the acts of Brent. Universally speaking, you’ve taken a big step in order to try to understand Brent and by doing so you were faced with your own mirror.
Not many people have the strength and courage to do so. I don’t even know if I would have acted the same in your case. But in the present I understand your choice and your effort, even though I’m aware that my understanding might have been different if I had been a victim or relative of a victim.Today I just saw it for the first time: “On the Case with Paula Zahn.”
Indeed we are not the one to judge another, but I can understand that it is more difficult not to judge when you’re the victim or when you are closely related to the victims.
-Clarence
Time: Sunday December 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Filed under The story
A Relationship of Trust
Note from Amy: Someone asked me the other day if Brent Brents had trusted me from the very beginning.
In a word, no.
Here’s a letter he sent me early on in our correspondence, excerpted from the true-crime book, Diary of a Predator: A Memoir:
April 6, 2005
Amy,
Hi, It’s me . . . I have to tell you that every reporter so
far has tried to either bribe me, manipulate me, Make me
out to be a monster. Every one has only showed Thier greed,
selfishness, bitterness and hatred. Amy I don’t care if your
a greedy self centered bitch. What I do care about is This.
I am going to put me, my story Into your hands . . . I am
going to tell you my story truthfuly and I hope you will not
screw me over in the Long run like every woman I’ve ever
felt I could trust has . . . If your sincere then you’ll know That
we have to develop a sincere trust. A Relationship of Trust
. . . I am sure you have an opinion and probably some deep
feelings about what I did. If you would please tell me what
you think and feel about me and all the stuff I have done. Get
This Amy, The truth please no matter how harsh or painful
it may sound . . . You’ve been pretty superficial so far . . .
Show me the real you and show me I can trust your heart
and I’ll give you my story . . . Sencerely wanting to believe.
Brent.
Filed under The story
a lifetime making others feel what i feel
My jaw is still hurting. Not Much i can do there. I see the dentists each Friday until it’s healed. I wish i could make them feel what i feel. But i spent a lifetime making others feel what i feel. And we know how that worked out.
-Brent Brents 11-4-12
Filed under Brents' writings
like a train roaring through my head
“Violence ‘speaks’ of an intolerable condition of human shame and rage, a blinding rage that speaks through the body.” –James Gilligan, author of Violence: Reflections On A National Epidemic
When Margaret fought back I became almost overjoyed. I
literally could feel my Blood rushing into my head it sound
like a train roaring through my head . . . it was hitting her
in the back of the head that was getting me off . . . remember
seeing a meat cleaver on the counter and thought it would
realy feel good to smash her skull. Then I like woke up and
was totally different . . . how fucked up is that.
—From Brent Brent’s journal, as featured in Diary of a Predator: A Memoir
Filed under Brents' writings
Three Words That Triggered a Final Spree of Violence: “You Little Punk”
Brent Brents often told me his greatest fear was not of being killed, or tortured, or injured in any way–but of being shamed.
“Please don’t make me look stupid,” he would repeatedly say to me regarding publishing his writings, and when I asked him why the fear of humiliation held so much power over him, he didn’t have an answer.
The very first time I interviewed him, Brents told me his final crime spree-where he raped three women and two children over the course of a weekend–was triggered by a police detective talking smack to him on the phone in an effort to get Brents, who had a warrant out for his arrest, to turn himself in. I write about it in Diary of a Predator: A Memoir.
“He called me a little punk. ‘Tell me where you’re at. I’ll come get you, you little punk,’” Brents told me. “I said, ‘Fuck you. Come get me.’”
Then, he said, “I worked myself into this rage, walked out of the coffee shop . . . [thinking] ‘You wanna play games? I can play games, too.’”
At the time, I thought it was a ridiculous excuse, and merely a way for Brents to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. And while he is indeed responsible for his actions, today I now understand the deep motivation that shame and humiliation play in inciting violence.
“I have yet to see a serious act of violence that was not provoked by the experience of feeling shamed and humiliated, disrespected and ridiculed, and that did not represent the attempt to prevent or undo this ‘loss of face’–no matter how severe the punishment, even if it includes death,” writes James Gilligan in his excellent book, Violence: Reflections On a National Epidemic.
“The purpose of violence is to diminish the intensity of shame and replace it as far as possible with its opposite, pride…”
The more trivial the matter, Gilligan says, the deeper the humiliation: “…their very triviality makes it even more shameful to feel ashamed about them.”
Men who feel this way and act on it become violent because they feel they have no nonviolent alternative to boost their self esteem, Gilligan says. Also, with their sense of self threatened to be overwhelmed by shame, they lack the emotions of love and guilt that would normally prevent someone from becoming violent.
Again, it doesn’t excuse Brent Brent’s behavior–but it does help explain it.
Filed under The story
i like who i am now
So i am glad you liked my writing on grief. The first few times I tried to write it, it just didn’t feel natural. It was either whining or blaming. It is an amazing thing to see where i once was Mentaly and how i percieved Things like grief and empathy. I had so much hate. And you know i like who i am now.
-Brent Brents 10-21-12
Filed under Brents' writings
the early stages of withdrawal
Sorry i just bugged out last night. I am in the early stages of withdrawal. They accidentally let my prescription for one of my Meds lapse so I’ve been out since Wednesday, that’s 3 days cold turkey…And well you know. Mainline Me please.
Brent Brents 10-22-12
Filed under Brents' writings
Karma
Sure theres a good guy in here. One whose kind and sensitive,
Caring, understanding Outgoing athletic, funny. A Man Who
Loves Life. An man who enjoys the beauty of the world, Art,
history, places, people. Yet I can’t get past my brain.
Like I said Karma is a motherfucker and Its Lookin me
full in the face.
Now I only have one true regret. I never gave anyone
the chance to love the real me. Had I done that and been
courageous years ago maybe Just maybe Tiffany would have
found an empty apartment. And the countless others would
never have suffered my destruction.
—From Brent Brent’s journal
Filed under Brents' writings
little tortured boys don’t just disappear
Note from Amy: I got a very thoughtful email last year from a woman who is working on her master’s in counseling psychology. She had seen me on the Paula Zahn show on Investigation Discovery about the Brent Brents’ case, and wrote to offer her support of my work.
Now she’s doing some work of her own, through an excellent blog called The Feminist Rag–and I offer praise of it not just because she recently wrote a very nice blog about my work on Brents, but because she has insightful and interesting things to say. I began reading James Gilligan’s book Violence on her recommendation, and have learned so much from it. That book articulates so well the underlying causes of violence in our culture and why conventional solutions have failed to stem its tide.
Since the author of The Feminist Rag doesn’t give her name on her website, I won’t reveal it here. Below is an excerpt of what she wrote about her reactions to Diary of a Predator: A Memoir, in addition to some very kind things about my ongoing work which were gratifying to hear.
From The Feminist Rag:
Reading Amy’s book is not for the light-hearted; it took me on an INTENSE emotional roller coaster that had me wrestling with all kinds of conflicting feelings like disgust, terror, empathy and despair as I learned of Brent’s childhood, which was filled with unspeakable child abuse which, unsurprisingly and all too commonly, resulted in a full blown sadistic, out of control, violent, sociopathic man.
Alongside my disgust, despair, and terror, I also found myself feeling empathy for Brent because little tortured boys don’t just disappear, they slowly morph into violent adult men. This is not to say that ALL abused boys turn into sadistic men, but some do, it’s simply how life works — everyone copes differently with the inner hell such a childhood creates. Read more
Filed under The story
Diary of a Predator 