the leap from feeling the pain of loneliness to Rage

In February 2005, Brent Brents went on his final and most horrific crime spree, of which I write about in Diary of a Predator: A Memoir,  the book that is based upon his case. Recently he sent me a letter reflecting on this awful anniversary, and this is what he said:

I hate this part of February. I still can’t forgive myself for any of it. Valentine’s Day is like this big ugly reminder of all the hate, rage, and lost feeling. Over the years since I’ve been back in prison, I’ve come to realize that being Lonely really does fuck up ones thinking If you let it. Add Loneliness, Anti Social, and rage and you get one very cowardly, angry person who truly doesn’t know how to enteract or Communicate his desire to belong. I really didn’t have the mental health stuff all in check like i thought.  So it was easy for me to make the leap from feeling the pain of loneliness to Rage.

Once i began I didn’t want to stop. The more i did, the more i wanted to release the rage i had kept inside all those years. It’s difficult to reconcile me Then, to me Now.

Why is it we fight the Mental health Diagnosis. Years ago i was told i should probably be medicated. Maybe it would have helped. I can’t say for sure. But i doubt it i liked my drugs and the violence to much. But Now i enjoy the drug free life, I like knowing i have No stress over certain things in my life.

But the bigger truth in all this is I am constantly learning New things about emotions. I like this feeling of Compasion. And empathy is painful but necissary to really understand people and their feelings. Plus it helps me to feel like a real person.

-Brent Brents 2-11-13

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