There is a guy in cell #2 who is full blown para/schizo. It’s a real frightful reminder to me. I am truly thankful that to this point i have a much better handle on my own demise. I think i would-no i know if i ever get to the point he is that a gram of heroin up my arm will be the end all fix. He’s a serious fright to me. The ravings in my brain spill from his mouth. His paranoia he verbalizes when he feels it. I can’t. I envy him to a degree. No restraint. His ramblings about things only he understands. Yet i feel so sick inside because there is no one to love him or anyone who cares. Just an ill man with a lunatic in his brain. A Terrible Terrible way to live, Let alone in prison. I pray i never progress to that state of the disease. And if i do i hope you’ll understand why i would do what i needed to for my own peace of mind and yours.
12-12-10 9:20 p.m.