I just have to remember that people are going to hate me and what i’ve done. And some just hate me period. Thats life, not to take it foolishly, or be conceited about it. I’m allowed to have happiness in my life, but some people think not.
Just like Emily asked when can a victim feel clean. I ask when does a victimizer get to feel ok about them self again. Well my answer to the first is this. Be strong all of U. Whether you’re being violated at the moment, or U are a survivor of past abuse. You’re not dirty. Your attackers are the ones who are filthy individuals. You’re clean when you choose to be clean.
Fight w/ all of your hearts the shame and guilt, they dont belong to U. They belong to me and the other assholes who R or were your abusers.
As for when do i get to feel clean? I hope i always feel the shame and guilt of my sickness. No one deserves what i did. And in my mind if i forget that i’ll not be worthy of this blog, my efforts to help U out there will be for not. Its a harsh way to look @ it. But i am a sick deviant individual. Who should never be allowed to forget what i am.
Too many people like me get away w/ thier bs. And continue thier reign of terror. And innocent people suffer for it. My fathers father got away w/ his abuse. My father got away w/ his. And thankfully i got caught. Too late mind U, but caught none the less. So hopefully the cycle will stop w/ me. And my victims wont become, or continue being abusers. Or victims of people like me.
-Brent Brents 4-2-2018
Tag Archives: deviant
What would Brent Brents tell his younger self? “That the empathy he has, and is about to abandon is crucial to becoming a man”
So what would I tell the younger me. Honestly that would depend on what age were talking about. I suppose it really wouldn’t be that complicated. I was a pretty savy individual at the age of ten.
So first thing would be run, and run far. And stay away. I have put a lot of thought into the years between ten and thirteen. Being beaten wasn’t nearly as damaging to me as the rape. The rape taught me how to be deviant. And it was about this time I learned it could cause much more than just physical pain. I began to get an understanding of emotional abuse.
So I think I would like this kid to know that the secret world of abuse was not shameful or ok. I would tell him that the empathy he has, and is about to abandon is crucial to becoming a man. I would tell him that he should tell every one he could about the abuse at home. Every time, and not give up in that pursuit at getting his life back…
Even though I was savy, I wasn’t mentally capable of dealing with the the emotional conflict inside. Even then I couldn’t deal with the ridicule, and I got enough of it as it was. I suppose the biggest thing would have been nurturing the empathy I did have. Had I done that. Maybe I would be writing this in the comfort of my own home, instead of a prison cell. So yes I would yell that kid to love every one and every thing. Have those painful feelings when he sees wrong. And feel empathy and embrace it like his life counted on it.
-Brent Brents 7-23-16