You Know Somedays Amy i get so sick of hearing these guys. I used to be just like alot of them. Talking shit about women, drugs and violence. Bragging of my Conquests. It gets so so sick and depraved. I must know a hundred names for pussy. I’ve heard a million lies about conquests, encluding my own. I hate sitting here listening to the guys talk about their drive bye shootings. (I really hate people who do drive byes). To many innocents get gunned down.
Brent Brents 4-9-12
Tag Archives: violence
drive bye shootings
Filed under Brents' writings
failed relationships won’t Kill me
Trust was like a big hole in my chest that sucked all of my sanity in with any sense i had. And any control i felt i had went into that hole to. And Being out of control sucked.
Now i don’t feel out of control when i choose to trust in someone. Although i am still weary of peoples motives and their agendas. I don’t sabatoge before i see for myself what they want or need.
I’ve learned that failed relationships won’t Kill me. And even if someone hurts me or ridicules me, I don’t have to respond with anger or violence.
Brent Brents 3-25-12
Filed under Brents' writings
IRS-Instant Rage Syndrome
A few weeks ago, I got a message to this site for Brent Brents that said in part:
“…i am the child of a monster as you know. We have the same father. I think we have a choice in life i choose not to be a product of my gentics.You made a choice to become what you are.”
The message was from a woman named Shelley, who is Brent’s half sister. She and her brother David were children from Brent’s father Ron and a different wife. Like Brent, they were both physically and sexually abused by their father. Unlike Brent, they were both removed from the home after the father threw a 3-year-old David into the television set.
Also like Brent, Shelley says she has struggled all her life with something she calls IRS, or Instant Rage Syndrome. Her saving grace, she said, was having children; she swore she would not repeat the pattern of violence.
I sent Brent her message, and he wrote back:
First of all i am sorry that he hurt you and David. And that it damaged you two in ways i am all to familiar with. Having said that, you may or may not be thinking coming from me, it’s meaningless. Please know in my heart i truly am sorry. Six years ago i wouldn’t have gave a shit about you or anyone else.
Secondly, i spent roughly 30 + years using his bullshit as my excuse to fuck the world and get all i could. I chose rape because i knew the emotional toll it takes on a persons soul. I don’t use excuses or copouts anymore. No excuse is good enough to warrant all that i have done over the years.
My eyes are wide open Now, my heart is no longer black with rage. I even feel love, compassion and empathy. Alot of people assume that i feel sorry for myself, for ending up in prison. That was the case at one point. Now i know i belong here.
Amy told me about your rage issue. We share that you and i. I can be fine and happy one minute, and the next something so tiny can set me off. I avoided Mental health Meds until about six months ago. Oh Man what a help. Some of the side effects really suck. But honestly i regret Not having been open to them 20 years ago.
Having said all this i truly am sorry Shelley that you and David had to suffer the ways you did. And i am also sorry about David. I know first hand what being Rons child is like, And it sucked to watch him Literaly Fuck us and beat us all to a tiny spec of collective obedience of God Ron worshippers, brain washed and scared to death.
I am really not angry any more. Mostly Sad…
It’s None of my business, but it seems like we all somehow have a Mental health disorder or disease. As you have aged have you gotten better or worse? Mine seems to have gotten worse over the last 10 years. So much so that i have to take a staggering amount of drugs to maintain from hour to hour-day to day. My rage got to a point of helplessness. I Literally Could Not explain to anyone how it felt to have this Hateful, bitter rage, Combine this obsessive, compulsivety for violence and sexual violence.
Shame and regret are Constant companions. None of what i did to those i hurt makes any Kind of sense. I get to see my face in a mirror 3x a week and all i can see staring back is the one person i swore i would Never become.
Don’t think i am trying to soften you up. Trying to be all Brother and Sister. Quite frankly, there are only two people i trust and want any kind of relationships with. It’s all i can handle…
And yes Shelley i made choices. Ones that haunt my every minute of my life. Your post on the website reads kind of bitter. Amy said it may be because there is No One left in our family to lash out at. So if it’s me you lash out at, I am Ok with that. It’s Not a Martyr thing. I just know how it was when my outrage fell on deaf ears.
And most importantly Shelley it does my heart good to know that at least one of us can carry on this families blood, without the violence and sickness. I have to close now my tremors are getting to bad to write.
Sincerely,
B. -Brent Brents, 12-18-11
Filed under Brents' writings
I just couldn’t do two things
Violence, sexual physical and emotional and verbal. To do as i say and Not as i do. Promisquety. Drug and alcohol addiction. To be secretive and silent about what went on in our home. Poor hygiene, poor communication skills. All by my parents, family and most of their friends.
Yet there were some good, really really good loving and caring people who tried really hard to free me from the crap my parents and others filled my head with. I just couldn’t do two things. I couldn’t face the responsibility for my behavior (Humiliation) and i couldn’t bring myself to trust any one ever.
Brent Brents 8-10-11
Filed under Brents' writings
Diary of a Predator 